"Master Ren."
"Are you okay?"
"You can still hold on!"
Uchiha Cannon Fodder 1 took a few shaky breaths and slowly rose from the ground. Danzo's mind control seal had begun corrupting his consciousness from the very root.
Since he had only joined Root yesterday, his thoughts still carried traces of normal human emotion.
Under normal circumstances, even if Tsunade was stronger than him, it would be impossible for her to defeat him within a few seconds.
But Uchiha were never known for their taijutsu. If Cannon Fodder 1 wasn't defending Ren, he'd have chosen guerrilla tactics—harass, retreat, repeat. Even if he lost, he could have at least escaped with his life.
Tsunade, however, had held back with her last punch. Though Cannon Fodder 1 had poured all his chakra into defense, he was still badly injured—serious, but not fatal.
Watching him stand again, Tsunade narrowed her golden-brown eyes. She cracked her knuckles and took a step forward.
"Step aside."
"No. I am under orders to protect Lord Ren. Unless you step on my corpse, I will not let you harm him."
Tsunade's eye twitched. His words annoyed her more than she expected.
She exhaled slowly, her expression darkening. A chilling murderous aura flickered in her pupils. "I already held back just now. If you still insist on getting in my way, don't blame me for killing you."
"This is Lord Danzo's direct order. I will not back down."
"Hmph. Danzo, Danzo, Danzo. Since you insist, then don't blame me for being ruthless!"
This time, Tsunade wasn't going to pull her punches. As the granddaughter of the First Hokage and a disciple of Hiruzen Sarutobi, she had lines she wouldn't cross—killing a brat like Ren wasn't one of them.
But crushing one of Danzo's lackeys? That was practically her version of therapy.
Green chakra surged around her fists—Chakra Enhanced Strength charged to the brim.
With a single stomp, the ground beneath her cracked and she launched forward like a missile.
"With Lord Hiruzen still around, Danzo won't dare cause me too much trouble," Tsunade thought coldly. "And this whole mess started because that little bastard stole my first kiss! I, Senju Tsunade, am not so easy to mess with!"
Her fists clenched tighter, murder in her eyes. Her target was no longer Ren—it was Cannon Fodder 1.
But the next second, Tsunade's pupils shrank in pure shock.
"LITTLE BASTARD—GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!"
In her vision, Ren had dashed forward, grabbed the injured Uchiha by the collar, and yanked him aside. In that same instant, Ren took his place.
It happened too fast.
Tsunade's punch was fully committed. This wasn't something a Genin—or even most Jōnin—could survive.
She never intended to kill the kid. Sure, he was annoying. And yeah, she wanted to beat the stupid out of him. But kill him? Not a chance. He was only seven. And though he had stolen her first kiss, as a woman… something about him just wouldn't let her truly hate him.
"No, I can't let him die!"
She forcibly cut off the chakra from her fist mid-strike. The sudden disruption of such dense chakra flow tore at her muscles and meridians. Blood welled up and trickled from the corner of her lips.
BOOM!
Her slender, pale-white fist smashed into Ren's chest. But without chakra amplification, the punch was no more powerful than a regular adult's. Painful? Yes. Deadly? No.
Ren winced, clutching his chest. But his face was calm—almost… smug.
"Little bastard!! Do you have a death wish?!" Tsunade roared, voice echoing off the alley walls.
Ren looked up at her silently. As she fumed, he subtly slipped a hand behind his back and dismissed the Body Replacement Technique seal he'd prepared in advance—just in case.
"Tsunade, were you worried about me?" he asked softly.
Tsunade scoffed, but her eyes betrayed something else.
"Worried about you? Don't flatter yourself, brat! I'm worried about Konoha! If you die, who knows what Danzo will do? Go mad? Start a civil war? That lunatic has no bottom line! I'm not worried about you!"
Despite her yelling, her tone carried a faint tremor. She didn't notice it, but Ren did.
Ren's eyes locked with hers, and he said gently, "Honestly… if I had to die, then dying by the hand of the woman I love—I wouldn't regret it."
"Wh-Who the hell is the woman you love?! You little pervert!" Tsunade snapped, but her voice cracked mid-curse.
Why did his words make her chest feel tight and warm?
As Tsunade stood frozen, Ren smiled slowly, devilishly.
With a sudden movement, he reached out and gently cupped her face. Before she could react—
Smooch.
He kissed her.
Again.
Lightning fast. Sudden. Shameless.
A powerful shockwave erupted in the alley a second later.
A distant rooftop, moments later.
Ren stood casually with the morning sun casting a warm glow on his back. He smacked his lips with satisfaction.
"Heh… still soft."
Turning around, he whistled and walked toward the Ninja Academy like nothing had happened.
Behind him, chaos had broken out.
In the alley, Uchiha Cannon Fodder 1 and Uchiha Cannon Fodder 2 were locked in a panicked scuffle with the rampaging Tsunade. She had been tricked. Played. Again.
Her lips still tingled from the contact. Her fists burned with fury.
"REN, YOU DAMN BRAT!!!"
Flashback: The Night Before
Ren stood before Danzo, arms crossed, tone casual.
"So… I may have accidentally kissed Tsunade today."
Danzo's only visible eye twitched once.
"On the lips."
Another twitch.
"She might be coming to kill me tomorrow."
Danzo sighed.
Then, without hesitation, he summoned Uchiha Cannon Fodder 1 and 2, Jōnin-level Root operatives.
"I'll assign two to watch you. That should be enough to keep her from caving your skull in."
Danzo knew Tsunade well. Her strength wasn't a joke—even among Sannin, she was a physical powerhouse. Two elite Uchiha Jōnin with Sharingan and Root loyalty might be able to stall her long enough for Ren to escape.
Maybe.
Back in the present, as Ren strolled into the Academy courtyard, he stretched lazily.
"Calculated… from the beginning."
The genius of Konoha's most chaotic bear child wasn't in his strength—but in his sheer, ridiculous gall.
And in the alley behind?
The sound of bones breaking, chakra smashing through air, and two Uchiha grown men sobbing filled the streets of Konoha.