Zeke stared at the flash drive. It glowed faintly, pulsing like a heartbeat.
Inside: the sacred teachings of the Church of the Sacred Cache. Also possibly llama memes. Possibly a virus. Possibly both.
He wasn't sure.
"Okay," he muttered. "Let's offload this thing to someone who doesn't have twelve bounty notices taped to their fridge."
Bitty burped up a thirteenth.
...
He touched down in Circuit Bazaar, a floating market orbiting the dead moon of Gliese-47. It was known for selling everything, including sentient socks and blackmail tapes of galactic politicians doing karaoke.
He found a buyer almost immediately: a sketchy info-dealer named Scrogg, with four eyes, a trench coat, and a smell that could hack your nasal receptors.
"What you got?" Scrogg asked, eyeing the drive.
Zeke, still clueless: "Some kind of cyber-llama cult data. Probably just llama sermons or weird encryption prayers."
Scrogg grinned. "I love weird cult stuff. I'll take it."
Transaction complete. Zeke walked away thinking he just made enough credits for pizza and new socks.
He was wrong.
...
Twelve hours later, every screen across the system lit up with a hologram of Glitchhorn the Rooted.
"Brothers and sisters of the Code! We have been deceived! The Zentara Conglomerate controls your firewalls and tracks your thoughts! Rise! Defragment your chains!"
People lost their minds. Entire planets were rebooting. Hacktivists declared war on corporations. Priests swapped prayer beads for encryption keys.
The Llama Gospel was live. And it was spreading.
...
Back in his apartment, Zeke munched pizza as Tess stormed in holding a datapad.
"YOU STARTED A RELIGION-BASED REBELLION."
"I just wanted sock money," he mumbled, mouth full of cheese.
Bitty was now wearing a tiny monk robe and hovering above the couch in a meditation pose. He was glowing.
Tess pinched her nose. "You're trending as 'The Accidental Prophet.' People think your sneeze was a metaphor for digital freedom."
Zeke sneezed again. Bitty clapped.
Tess's datapad pinged. She read aloud:
"Galactic Council requests presence of Prophet Zeke for peace talks."
"Do I get snacks?" Zeke asked hopefully.