Marissa Thorne never thought she'd end up in magical court—again—for being too married.
She'd fought banshee tax fraud, a rogue potion pyramid scheme, and once defended a goblin accused of moonlighting as a hedge fund. But now, as she stood beside Felix in front of the grand doors of the Court of Matrimonial Magic, the stakes were personal.
Really, stupidly personal.
"How do I look?" Felix asked, tugging at his navy robe. It shimmered slightly with an enchantment meant to enhance charm—emotionally and visually.
"Like someone trying to bribe the judge with cheekbones," Marissa muttered, straightening her collar.
"You say that like it's not a valid tactic."
"Felix."
"Fine, I'll rely on my sparkling wit and the power of our totally real, very genuine, not-even-a-little-fake marriage."
She gave him a sharp glance.
He added, "Which is growing more real by the day and makes me question every sarcastic defense mechanism I've ever developed."
Better.
The doors groaned open. A floating scroll announced, "Case 114-B: Thorne and Reynehart vs. the Magical Marital Council, Re: Authenticity Review—Filed by Flamestrike, N."
"Flamestrike," Marissa muttered. "Sounds like a rejected soap opera character."
"She always did love dramatic entrances."
They stepped into the courtroom.
---
The chamber was massive, circular, and enchanted to look like a wedding venue mashed up with a judgment arena. Rose petals floated lazily overhead. A judge's bench towered above them, shaped like a wedding cake tier. A choir of enchanted doves cooed the sound of gavel strikes.
Judge Orinthia Grey presided—a centaur with an unimpressed expression and a hair bun so tight it probably had legal jurisdiction on its own.
To the side stood Nerissa Flamestrike, wearing a crimson power cloak and a smug smirk. Behind her was her legal proxy, a sharp-nosed imp named Thistle who looked like he subsisted on malice and fine print.
"Let's make this quick," Orinthia said. "I have five annulments and a love-triangle custody battle scheduled after lunch."
Marissa stepped forward. "Your Honor, we assert that this audit is harassment. Our marriage passed initial examination. We've complied with every legal, magical, and emotional checkpoint."
Felix raised a finger. "We even endured a Council-certified Couples Retreat where I sprouted wings and almost proposed in a hot tub."
Judge Grey blinked. "The proposal was... hypothetical?"
"Mostly."
Marissa flushed. "Irrelevant."
Nerissa tsked. "Your Honor, if I may. I'm simply concerned for the sanctity of magical matrimony. It would be so tragic if loopholes were exploited by people who think affection is a convenient legal shield."
Orinthia narrowed her eyes. "Very well. We'll proceed with a full authenticity trial. You may call your first witness."
---
The Parade of Proof
The first witness was Lavender, the retreat coordinator, who practically tripped over her own clipboard testifying.
"They held hands during obstacle courses... which may have been panic-based," she said nervously. "And their emotional alignment photo did briefly show synchronized regret, which is rare. But I also caught them whispering legal terms instead of sweet nothings."
"We were discussing emotional indemnity clauses!" Felix said.
"That's... not helping," Marissa muttered.
Next came the enchanted marriage certificate. It shimmered and hummed when held by both of them—solid proof of magical bonding.
But Nerissa pounced.
"Objection. That certificate was activated after they survived a cursed flamingo attack. Trauma bonding can mimic magical resonance."
Judge Grey scribbled something with her quill of justice. "Noted."
Then came the character witnesses.
First: Marissa's elderly neighbor, Ms. Tindle, who swore Felix always carried her groceries and once defended her from a territorial garden gnome.
"He even cleaned her roof tiles with a hover charm," Marissa whispered.
"I didn't want her slipping," Felix said.
Nerissa rolled her eyes. "Chivalry isn't chemistry."
Then came unexpected backup—Aloysius, the talking plant from their apartment hallway.
"I have roots, your Honor," it rasped. "I've watched them for months. The girl waters me. The boy sings terrible ballads. They fight about breakfast cereal with passion."
Judge Grey tilted her head. "Does he sing love songs?"
Aloysius cackled. "Worse. Power ballads. But the intent is pure."
Even the courtroom laughed.
Then came a silence.
And Nerissa called her final, and most brutal, witness:
Felix's ex, Miranda Vex.
---
Miranda Takes the Stand
Miranda was elegance wrapped in steel. A top-level spellweaver and emotional telepath, she strode into the chamber like she owned it.
"Your Honor," she said coolly, "I dated Felix for three years. I can read emotional wavelengths like symphonies."
"Sounds invasive," Marissa muttered.
"I consented," Felix said weakly.
Miranda placed her hands on the testimony orb.
"I scanned the emotional bond between Felix and Marissa. It's... unstable. Flux-based. Tension-heavy. There is genuine feeling, yes. But also confusion. Resistance. The kind of energy you get when people haven't admitted something important to each other."
Judge Grey frowned. "So you're saying it's not fake... just not fully realized?"
"Correct."
Nerissa smirked. "Which makes the foundation—flawed."
Marissa stood. "Or human. We're allowed to be confused. Love doesn't print receipts on demand."
Miranda turned to her. "You're scared of how much you care about him."
Marissa bristled. "That's not—"
"It's okay," Miranda said, surprisingly soft. "I was too, once."
She stepped down.
---
Final Deliberation
Judge Grey looked pensive.
"You've presented evidence of emotional bond. Tangible magic. Supportive testimony. But your relationship is clearly... complicated."
Felix stood up.
"Your Honor. If loving someone was about perfect clarity, I'd still be with someone who filed feelings like spreadsheets. But I'm not. I'm here. With her. And she drives me insane. But also—she's home."
Marissa stared.
Felix went on. "So maybe we started this for convenience. But I stayed for her. For her bad coffee and brilliant mind and the way she argues with wind spirits like it's a legal deposition."
Judge Grey looked at Marissa. "And you?"
Marissa swallowed.
Then, slowly, said:
"I thought this was a loophole. But then he started leaving notes in my defense files. Carrying snacks I didn't realize I liked. Standing next to me even when I was at my worst. I don't know what kind of love this is. But it's real. And terrifying. And I'm not letting fear cancel it."
There was silence.
Then the marriage certificate glowed.
So brightly it temporarily blinded the courtroom.
Even Judge Grey raised an eyebrow.
"Well," she said, "that's emotionally binding if I've ever seen it."
She banged the gavel.
"Case dismissed. Marriage upheld. You're free to continue... whatever this is."
---
Outside the Court
Marissa and Felix walked in silence for a while.
Then Felix said, "You could've said all that before I made a fool of myself in front of a judgmental centaur."
She elbowed him. "You liked it."
He grinned. "I did. But you know what I like more?"
She raised an eyebrow.
He leaned close.
"This thing. Whatever it is. As long as it keeps being with you."
She smiled.
And maybe, just maybe, didn't push him away when he reached for her hand.