The sun poured through the tall glass windows, warm and golden, yet not even a hundred rays could melt the dread sitting in my stomach. Amy stood by my bedside, hands neatly folded in front of her apron, her face a careful mis of calm and concern.
"The emperor has requested your presence in his office, your highness," she said softly.
I blinked; my head still buried in the pillow. Slowly, I turned to glance at her from the comfort of my bed, disheveled hair spilling across the silk sheets.
"Do I have to go?" I mumbled, voice muffled by the fabric.
Amy nodded, her voice firm but gentle. "Yes, princess. It was his majesty's direct order."
I groaned dramatically and flipped onto my back, arms sprawled out like a defeated soldier. This is ridiculous. We just had dinner last night. Was that not enough to kill me?
Amy did not answer. She did not need to. I could already hear her silence saying: its not my place to question the emperor.
I sighed and stared at the ceiling, the image of the grand dining hall flashing in mind, the chandelier, the guards, the heavy presence of both father and brother, and my own false smile stretched painfully tight across my face.
"He did say he wants to make up for all the years of absence…" I said to myself.
But did it matter anymore?
Growing up in my previous life… and even now… it didn't feel any different, I'm used to it.
I paused.
Previous life?
The thought struck like lightning. My fingers curled around the sheets as a chill crept up my spine. Memories of that other life had become somewhat… blurry. Distant. Like dreams I wasn't sure were real anymore.
Why was it becoming harder to remember?
Shaking the unease off, I sat up, tossed off the covers, and wandered outside until I reached one of the palace gardens. It was secluded, lined with high hedges and marble benches, with a single fountain trickling softly in the center. Rows upon rows of roses bloomed in every direction, white, pink, deep crimson, even blue.
I knelt down beside a rosebush and reached towards a particularly lovely red one.
"Is this… enough of a gift for the emperor?" I whispered, a mischievous grin spreading across my lips.
"Hehe… its perfect. Once he receives this, he'll prick his finger on the thorns, and then he'll fall asleep like—"
"Did I just hear that right?"
"AH—!"
I screamed and fell backward onto the grass. My heart thudded in panic as I looked up—standing above me was Theo.
His dark raven like hair shimmered slightly in the morning sun, his expression as blank and unreadable as ever.
I clutched at my chest, eyes wide. "D-Don't scare me like that!"
"Who were you talking about?" he asked calmly.
I laughed nervously, waving my hand in dismissal. "Haha, no one! I was just… messing around, you know?"
He leaned down close to my face. "Is it the emperor?" the smirk that curled onto his lips was subtle, but it was there.
I gawked at him, more stunned by the expression than the accusation. So he does have emotions, I thought. He's not a walking ice sculpture after all.
"How dare I say something like that about the emperor?" I said, acting innocent.
"So, you've already met him?"
I stood up from the ground, I dusted off my dress and brush the grass from my knees. "Yeah… he invited me to a dinner last night. The prince was there, too."
Theo's expression shifted again—only slightly. He went silent. Almost thoughtful.
"I came here to pick some roses," I added, crouching again beside the bush, "as a gift. A thank-you for the meal, or something like that."
"You do realize," he said quietly, "that's the kind of thing the maids usually do for you."
I crossed my arms confidently. "I can do it myself," I replied, reaching again for the rose. "Why not? It's just a flower."
Just as my fingers brushed the petals—
Suddenly, my eyes landed on his hand that hold onto the handle of his sword. And had drawn it.
I froze, my eyes went wide in terror. Wait—what is he doing?! Was he mad at what I just said?!did I had gone too far?!
He raised his arm, and in a single, fluid motion, brought the blade down and—
Slice.
Roses fell gently to the grass.
Not my head.
Not my hand.
Just the roses.
"it's dangerous to pick roses with bare hands," he said, not even looking at me as he turned away. His voice was calm again. Blank. "you'll hurt yourself, your highness."
And with that, he walked off—silent as ever, sword already sheathed, while I stood frozen, staring after him with wide eyes, heart still pounding from fear.
"…I thought I was going to die." I whispered, placing a hand over my chest. "He could've told me before he drawn his sword."
I picked up the roses he sliced and carefully held them to my chest, letting out a long sigh.
When did I start becoming so paranoid? I though everything and everyone would just come up and kill me.
Right…
Probably around the time that butterfly showed me my possible futures.
The roses rested gently in my arms as I walked slowly through the palace halls. Each step echoed faintly, cushioned by the thick blue carpet beneath my red doll shoes. The roses' petals were soft and bright red. I held them close like a fragile treasure. Careful not to let the thorns prick my fingers.
Before long, I arrived at the doors of the emperor's office. Two imperial guards stood tall and imposing on either side, clad in polished armor and navy-blue capes that swayed lightly with the breeze.
The moment they saw me, their stern expressions melted.
"Greetings, your highness," one side, his voice surprisingly gentle, softer than a guard's tone should be.
The other leaned down slightly, eyes sparkling. "What brings our little princess here at this moment? Oh... are those for his majesty?" he pointed at the roses in my hand, grinning. "that's so adorable! You must have missed his majesty a lot, didn't you?"
I blinked, caught off guard by their reaction. What are they even saying?
Still, I forced myself to smile sweetly. I couldn't afford to slip. If anyone found out I had the mind of an eighteen-year-old, the emperor might very well order my head on a silver plate. I had to stay in character. I had to be convincing.
So I turned my big eyes up at them, lips curling into a perfect puppy-eyed pout.
"yesss!" I chirped, clasping the roses to my chest. "I miss my papa a looottt and I want to spend time with him a lot too!! Because I am very lonely without a playmate! And I want to give papa flowers to say thank you for the yummy sweets last night!"
My voice went high-pitched and sugary sweet, honeyed enough to give someone a toothache. The guards both let out soft chuckles. One even blushed.
"As expected of the princess, always so kind and thoughtful!"
"You are the sweetest, your highness! His majesty is lucky to have such an adorable daughter."
I gave a giggle and waved my little hand at them. "Thank you!"
They opened the heavy double doors for me without another word. "Go ahead, princess. I hope you enjoy your time with his majesty."
The door creaked open slowly. I stepped inside.
The emperor's office was… massive!
High bookshelves lined the walls, filled with ancient volumes and thick ledgers. There were couches in the middle of the room, cushions plumped and pristine. A floor-to-ceiling window behind the desk offered a breathtaking view of the empire beyond, rooftop, gardens, bustling streets in the distance. Light spilled in, casting golden hues on the carpeted floor.
And at the far end of the room, seated behind an enormous mahogany desk piled with papers and scrolls... was the emperor.
My father.
His head was bent slightly, dark hair falling around his face as his hand moved across a sheet of parchment, pen scratching steadily. His golden epaulets gleamed under the sunlight.
I tiptoed closer, my footsteps silent. When I reached his desk, I carefully raised the roses and placed them on the edge, making sure not to disturb the papers. Just as my small hands peeked over the desk.
He stopped writing.
His crystal eyes flicked to the side, catching the sight of the flowers and my fingers just barely visible above the desk's edge.
"you're here," he said without looking up.
His voice startles me. I took a step back, then gave a nervous giggle. "O-Oh! Hehe, yes! Did papa call for me here?"
He raised his head. His chin rested lazily on his hand, his eyes studying me with quiet intensity.
"Yes," he said. "Forgive me, I didn't notice you come in. I was occupied."
He reached forward and gently took the roses, inspecting them, with an unreadable expression. His fingers brushed over the thorns, but he did not flinch.
"What are these for?" he asked.
I ran around to his side and beamed up at hum, trying my best to look like an innocent child bursting with affection.
"They are papa! A gift for papa! Do papa like them?" I asked, bouncing slightly on my heels with excitement.
He stared at the roses for a moment longer. His face did not change. Not a smile, not a twitch. "its good," he said at last, setting them gently beside a stack of documents.
That was it.
No smile, no pat on the head, not even a thank you.
Seriously, that's it. I screamed internally, though outwardly I stayed perfectly bright and bouncy.
I folded my hands behind my back and rocked slightly on my toes, pretending to be content, though the corners of my smile twitched. He's harder to read than I thought…
The emperor's voice cut through the silence like a blade.
"Henri, go get some pastries," he said without looking up. "Make sure it satisfies the princess."
The butler, who had been standing like a statue in the corner of the room, gave a deep bow. It was the same old man who had helped me up on that chair last night, stacking pillows like I was made of porcelain,
"Yes, your majesty." his voice was calm, unwavering, and just like that, he slipped out of the room, silent as a shadow.
The emperor set his pen down briefly and gestured with a slight nod.
"You may sit on the couch."
I hesitated, glancing towards the plush seat across from his desk. My tiny fingers clenched around my dress, unsure. I took in a breath and stepped closer to him instead. My mind screamed don't do it, but my body moved on its own.
"You may sit on the couch."
I hesitated, glancing toward the plush seat across from his desk. My tiny fingers clenched around my dress, unsure. I took in a breath and stepped closer to him instead. My mind screamed don't do it, but my body moved on its own.
I gently tugged at his sleeve and tilted my head up toward him with the widest, most innocent puppy eyes I could muster.
"papa," I asked sweetly, "what are you doing?"
His pen froze midair. He slowly looked down at me. crimson eyes met mine, sharp and unreadable.
I froze. Too much! I went too far! He's going to snap my neck this time!!
I froze.
I forced a nervous smile, even as my legs began trembling. I tried not to let it show. Not even a twitch. Just… keep smiling.
He stared at me for a moment too long, then finally spoke. "You are too young to understand," he said, his voice smooth and low. "Why don't you draw to pass the time?"
Before I could even react, he gestured to the maids lined up against the wall, and without a single word, they moved.
Likes gears in a perfectly crafted machine.
One brought over a smaller chair, already stacked with soft pillows to raise my height to desk level. another rolled in a box of crayons. another laid down sheets of thick and expensive papers beside the inkwells.
Not a single word exchanged between them.
They are like robots who are made to obey his orders. They probably trained a lot before they even got the job as servants of the royal famil—
I couldn't even finish the thought when suddenly, my feet left the floor.
The emperor lifted me up with no effort at all and placed me gently on the chair beside him. His hands were steady, like this was nothing out of the ordinary.
I blinked up at him in shock, mouth slightly agape. He just… picked me up… like I was a feather?!
"what's wrong?" he asked, noticing my blank stare at the paper. "You don't like the crayons?"
I jolted upright. "o-of course not!! It is the best, papa!!" I answered way too quickly, voice squeaky with fake delight.
No, its not! This is not what I panned at all!
My whole plan was to be forgettable. Background decoration. Let the emperor forget I exist, not spend quality bonding time with me!
Now here I was, sitting beside the very man who—according to that butterfly—might kill me one day. This is hilarious, this Is fine! Totally fine!
Suppressing my inner panic, I reached for a random crayon and pressed it to the paper. I dragged it in a slow, uncertain stroke, just aimless scribbles. Anything to keep my hands busy. Anything to stop me from overthinking.
I could feel his presence beside me. silent, composed, watching.
The heavy doors creaked open once more, and in came the butler—Henri—holding a large silver tray adorned with a colorful variety of pastries. The rich scent of cream, chocolate, and fruit wafted into the air, tickling my nose.
He gently placed the tray beside me, careful not to disturb the crayons scattered across the table.
"Eat as much as you like," the emperor said without lifting his eyes from the document he was scribbling on. "You are too light."
That comment caught me off guard. Too light? I blinked, surprised he'd even noticed. He'd carried me so easily earlier, but I didn't think he paid attention to things like that.
I let out a small sigh and reached out for one of the pastries, a round, cream-filled puff dusted in powdered sugar. The moment I took a bite, my eyes lit up. So good! The texture melted on my tongue, sweet and buttery. Without realizing it, I took another bite, and another, and another.
My cheeks puffed up like a chipmunk, both hands now holding different pastries as I scribbled bright flowers on my paper with a crayon clutched in my hands. My little legs swung happily beneath the chair, bumping softly against the pillows below.
My heart was full. And oddly calm.
For a moment, I forgot I was pretending. I forgot I was supposed to be cautious. I forgot the looming threat of what he might do to me in the future. It was scary. I was just a child at that moment. Just a kid drawing beside her father, eating sweets with a smile stretching across her face.
Time melted with sugar. Eventually, the sugar rush wore off.
My hand slowed. My scribbles trailed off. The crayon slipped slightly from my fingers. The half-eaten pastry sat forgotten in my hand.
And then… I drifted off.
Fast asleep.
Head tilted slightly, cheek resting against my shoulder, mouth still smeared with a hint of cream and crumbs. One of the crayons rolled gently off the desk.
The emperor soon noticed.
He paused his writing. Silence filled the room, save for the soft sounds of mt tiny snores.
His crimson eyes studied me quietly. For a long, unreadable moment, he said nothing. Then, he reached over and carefully plucked the pastry from my small fingers. He brushed a stray crumb from my cheek.
"Henri," he called softly. The butler, who had returned to stand silently in the corner, stepped forward immediately. "Carry her back to her room. Carefully"
Without question, Henri scooped me up with the tenderness of someone handling a fragile treasure and began to carry me out. My fingers still loosely clutched a pink crayon, my cheek squished gently against his chest.
The emperor sat in silence once more.
Alone…
He turned his head slightly toward the seat beside him. Crumbs were scattered across his usually spotless desk. A mess of colorful drawings littered the surface, childlike, chaotic, and completely unrefined.
His eyes landed on one paper. A rough, almost abstract image. But the intention was clear. Three stick figures, one taller with blue and hint of purple eyes, another with lawn green eyes, and a smaller one in the middle with a big smile.
Above them were tiny blue roses on top of the lawn green's head. He stared at it for a moment.
Then—barely—a smile touched his lips.
It was faint, but it was there.
He picked up the drawing carefully and folded it, tucking it between the pages of his thick books beside him like a bookmark only he would see.
After all, he probably the only one that understood the drawing too well.
Too well…