For the longest time in my life I simply cared about myself.i cared about surviving in this harsh world.i never sympathise with anyone specificaly because I never felt like any one sympathised with me.
I just lived mylife which ever way I wanted.i did not take or needed any advice from any one.for a moment there I spent most of my time alone,but because I was forced to go see my family or else they would have probably reported me to the police that I was lost .I was forced to go back to them once in a while.
Even when I was present at home they would shout and insult me in all types of ways.All because I had left home.
-Mother;where are you coming from?
and I would normally roll my eyes as I answered her because she asked me the same question every time.
:me-'I'm coming from my friends.'
:mother-'and who are this so 'called friends 'which I do not know about or have ever seen in both mine and your entire life?'.
I never answered that question because I knew that every time she would fume afterwards.
:mother-'you are very ungrateful,you think you are special whilst you are the complete opposite,you bring no value in you life or ours....'
And I would leave her every time when ever she would start shouting and I would head to my room.
No one was glad that I was back home,no one cared that I was safe.
So I would normally go again to anywhere my heart desires.i never had a specific place I would go to.
I followed my heart, sometimes I would end up spending the night at a park or on the streets .
I was not bothered by anything.i never seeked for attention.all I wanted was to be alone and explore myself and my feelings.
I knew from a young age that I was different.i was never the same like everyone else.
I was weird and crazy.i had a short temper of a beast but good thing I always knew how to control it.
I would normally stare at myself in the mirror for hours and hours just admiring myself.
I loved it when I could smell a certain small from nature and I would spend all my time inhaling and exhaling what ever it was.
As much as I was considered dead beat I loved love.and I loved people.
I could easy sense if a person was good and genuine and I would instantly get along with that somebody.
But the moment I meet a jealous and self centered person I would quickly avoid that person.
I strongly believed in a peaceful and happy environment that only had happy ending.
I was antisocial but because of my acting skills I could easily switch just so to make the next person comfortable.
To me I wanted to bring peace to who ever came my way.
It's hard in this type of society to give out love and be loved.
For me things were working out because I was easily loved.its was never difficult for the opposite person to look at me and feel a connection.
When I started dating I dated to find a soulmate.i believed in fairytales for almost my whole life hence I was sure that I would instantly meet with my dear man.
So when I first met someone,I was heavily in love.i was head over heals.i was ready to settle down.of which it's was delusional for me.
I fell in love with his skin tone.i loved how he shone too bright wether it was night or during the day .he smelled good too.
We never connected with that person.we were never a match but just because I was rushing for my happily ever after I believed everything to be true.
I spent months with him.i spent every day with him and each time I would express my love to him.i promised him a world full of laughter and happy endings.
I gave him all the kisses and hugs he could ever ask for .I was always ready to shower him with love.
I gave him words of affirmation that I will never let go of him.i opened my world to him.
To me he was indeed my soulmate.i would gaze at him for a very long time with the hope of finding those stars I once saw in a fairytale but they never appeared.
After a while,he left.he did not leave because I was bad to him but he left because he was not the one.
He left because he knew that the love I deserved he could never give to me.
I wanted huge love,huge hugs and huge kisses which lasted for a life time.i wanted to be saved from my traumas and be relieved from my horrors.
At that time it's did not make sense to me but instead it's frustrated me.i was angry and begging him to come back just so I could have my happy ending.i remember calling him one time and he said;hey stop obsessing over me,I am over you so get over me too.
And I told him'how can I,you have been the only joy in my life.i spent everyday with you and now you want me to just forget.'
He told me'listen we are not a match and there is no such thing as a soulmate and if there was it's could never be you.you are a complete psycho so leave me alone'
He hung up.
Like a princess in her castle a prince saves her.
At that time I was heavily depressed hence I vowed to never fall in love.i convinced myself that there was no such thing as love.
I did not feel loved back home and he did not love me.
From that moment any man that came my way I was ready to tire them apart.
They came one after another.tThey gave me the love I had been wanting but because I was angry I never loved them back.
Though my heart kept on telling me to give some a chance,I still did not.
They loved me they cared about me.at some point they sacrificed alot just so I could be happy.i remember one time I was heavily sick so I could not write my assignment which were due one of my guy decided to help me out and he was all cute about it.
He told me;'hey my love don't worry I have you back I will write for you for now rest and when you wake up I'll have everything you need ready for you.'
I nodded as I took in another victim.
Men took my responsibilities into their own hands which they were not entitled to.i was never greatful but instead felt like they had to.
I was loved so hard I never lacked anything.every step in my life I wanted the pain to go away but I continuesly kept it just so it's could give me strength to torture them.
They all pained for one guy's mistake.They all cried right Infront of my eyes and I was happy.
How evil it was for me to rejoice because of someone's pain and suffering which was caused by me.
Its went worse to the point that I started agreeing on every guy that came my way approaching me just so that I could torture all at once.They would meet me somewhere and ask my name and I would simply go with the flow.
Guy;'guy hi ,what's your name?'
Me;'natasha ,you?'
Guy;they would say what ever name they were.and they would ask for my name and I would hand it to them.at that time they thought they were pros and they would boost about it to their friends whilst they had no clue that it was a complete set up.
I really did not have the time or space to care at all.
I would casually bump to another whilst I would be with another and I did not care at all.but they cared.and its would hurt them so much you would see it in their eyes.
They were hurt devastated but mostly weak because they never took action they would just continue with their destination.
By the time I meet them later I would already know how to manipulate them and lie,put all the blame back at them.
And when ever they would suggest a break up I would be up for it without a doubt.
Guy;'who was that you were with earlier:
Me:'why do you care?'
Guy:'are you cheating on me?'
Me:'why do you think everything is about you,and why do you think I am cheating have I ever said I was?'
Guy:'no but I did not like how you were with that guy's
Me:'oh so now you are starting to control me and tell me who should I see or not see.what's next you will beat me?'.
The thought of them looking desperate vand needy always made them to back down,and for me it's would be over just like that.
But to them it's surely wasn't as much as some tried to hide their jealousy I could still see that they longed to express their insecurities to me.
Whilst some began to distance it even try to fight me at my own game of which they never stood a chance.
One thing they did not manage to do which I managed to do was that I was honest and they were complete liers of which it's was easier to catch them.
I would tell them the truth jokely and they could never think I was actually telling them the truth and sometimes I would tell them that I was going to a certain place and just incase they pope up they would still find me there.
All were under my coat but only one stood out .I started spending more time with him such that we grew closer and closer.
We became friends.when I fight met him he was very innocent and pure.he reminded me of my younger self.he was always smiling and making jokes.
But our relationship did not start nicely because for him immediately we met he bumped to me and my other guy.
He was with a group of his friends and so was the guy I was with.i just knew that it was to go down.i knew that if they were both to know what was actually going on they would have been furious.
Just like the others I had before him ,he simply eyed me and continued with his journey of which his journey was headed exactly where the other guys friends were waiting for him.
I immediately gave out an excuse and left the scene .I never came back even though I knew that they waited for me.They both kept on calling me