"John, my onboard analyzer tells me you're the leader of this little circus, so I'll talk to you," Tony paused for a moment, then continued. "Under different circumstances, I'd love to test my latest tech against a bunch of supervillains, but you guys are walking loopholes in physics. Fighting you would be a waste of money and time. So let's talk."
[None of the heroes had the Sorcerer Supreme's level of sin. There's only one conclusion to draw.]
"Our mutual friend Strange told you about the power of Infinity Avatars, but he didn't join the Avengers," John smirked. "You're not sure if Scarlet Witch has enough magic to stop us, so you're starting with negotiations. Heh. Alright, lay it out—but keep in mind, I see your hand. Now you have to offer something better than you originally planned."
Jane's pupils dilated. Cain gave a thumbs-up. John leaned back with a smug grin, fingers steepled.
"Are you sure you're a biker? Feels like I'm talking to a professional card shark" Tony huffed. "The offer remains the same. The U.S. doesn't need supervillains. Leave, and we won't pursue you. Stay, and we'll see just how durable your bones really are against Scarlet Witch's magic."
"Or I could do this." John raised his middle finger toward the window.
Jane covered her face with her palm. Cain laughed like a damn horse.
"Bold but dumb," Iron Man circled the plane. "Then again, what else should I expect from a gambler, a gangster, and a thief?"
John and Cain exchanged smirks, taking the labels as compliments.
"Whatever Thor told you, it's not true!" Jane shouted directly into the radio. "I'm not a thief! I just found the hammer lying around!"
"Yeah, yeah, that's what all thieves say," Tony scoffed. "Jane, you can tell yourself Mjolnir was just sitting there in the jungle. But the truth? Someone put it there. And it sure as hell wasn't meant for you. You know that. And yet, you never returned it to its rightful owner. That makes you a thief."
Jane froze as if she'd been struck. Her lips pressed into a thin line, fingers gripping the armrest. Then, her eyes ignited.
"Mjolnir belongs to no one! I passed the trial fair and square to lift it! And in that time, I've done more good than Thor ever did with the same power!"
Thunderheart's voice was firm, unwavering.
"And what about you? You call yourselves Earth's greatest heroes, but you only protect America! The Avengers never went after Juggernaut while he was wreaking havoc abroad. But the moment he shows up here, you rush in—not to stop him, but to tell him to go be a villain somewhere else?! You hypocritical bastards!"
[That's right! Breaking the thunder girl's will isn't that easy!]
John and Jane exchanged a high-five.
Tony tried to restart the conversation, but no one was listening anymore. It was pointless. He wasn't here to negotiate—he was stalling for a backup plan.
John's belt—his chain—slithered from his waist like a snake and pointed toward the plane's door. Cain got the message.
Juggernaut wrenched the door open. The sudden pressure drop slammed into Iron Man, disorienting him as he tried to attach some unknown devices. The chain lashed out, coiling around the armor and yanking the hero into the plane.
Giant sat his massive ass down on the armored Avenger and immediately started tearing at the suit with his fingers like it was wrapping paper.
Tony fired lasers. Then rockets. Then electricity.
None of it worked. Not against magic.
Ten seconds later, Tony Stark lay in a pile of shredded metal, completely exposed.
"Well, hello, playboy," Cain grinned. "So, how we doin' this?"
Tony swallowed so hard it was audible from the cockpit.
[Dumb adrenaline junkie. Bet he's regretting personally piloting the suit now.]
Far beyond the horizon, a thousand miles away, the Avengers' jet was only just picking up speed. By the time they arrived, there'd be nothing left of Tony Stark.
John, satisfied with their victory, eased the speed and let go of the controls—just for a moment. Even without autopilot, it was fine. No wheelchair now, just the eyepatch.
"Boys… maybe don't?" Jane hesitated, eyeing the two bloodthirsty smirks.
"It's fine, Jane. My code won't let me kill a superhero," John winked at Tony. "But—torture's fair game."
"I'm not letting you do anything like that!" Lightning flared in her eyes.
Tony looked at her with hope.
"Relax, toots!" Cain flashed the friendliest smile imaginable. "We're just gonna have a nice lil' chat about cats."
"Fine," Jane sighed, dropping into a seat. "But don't forget—I'm right here."
[Getting the embodiment of justice to look the other way? That's worth thanking Tony for—he really pissed her off.]
"Now we can talk like civilized people," John crouched beside Tony—who was still pinned under Juggernaut's weight. "You know what the Penance Stare is?"
Tony nodded slowly.
"Strange told me."
"Then you know I can make a hell for you that you'll never escape. Even saints break under the weight of their sins. And you—arms dealer that you are—are drowning in them."
Tony glanced at Jane again, but she deliberately turned to stare out the window.
"What do you want?" genius finally asked.
"I'm a supervillain. Take a guess." John smirked. "The Avengers wouldn't offer anything worthwhile to rid America of us. But maybe… maybe they'd be a little more generous for your head?"
"Be more specific."
"I could ask for money, but I'm not greedy. My demand is simple—drop all charges against me and my friends. Full immunity."
Cain frowned, clearly wanting something more fun. Jane, on the other hand, watched the conversation with interest.
Tony was silent for a long minute, thinking.
"It's possible," he finally nodded. "I give you my word—you won't be touched."
"Fuck your word," John scoffed. "You're a piss-soaked salesman with a thousand damn sins for fraud! I want another Avenger to promise."
He grabbed the radio. His sin scanner could already sense the Avengers' jet getting close enough.
"You heard everything," Rider said into the radio. "What's your answer, Cap?"
Everyone watched the radio, waiting.
"I heard your demands," came the unmistakable voice of Captain America. "Why did you come to the U.S.?"
"Not your business. You either agree, or I fry the brains of your millennium mascot."
The silence on the other end stretched. Their hostage was drenched in sweat.
"Don't try to be clever, Cap," John frowned. "I see all your souls. And I see Scarlet Witch closing in through the air. One second is all I need to roast a brain until it's nice and crispy."
On his scanner, Wanda's soul froze mid-air—then retreated back to her jet.
"Mr. Blaze…" Cap's voice on the other end sounded tired. "You have to understand—I can't promise immunity to terrorists who destroy government property. Only the President of the United States can grant you a pardon."
"Bad luck with your team, playboy," Cain smirked at the sweat-drenched Tony. "For them, a White House order matters more than your life."
Jane shook her head. Captain America had always been her role model. But right now, her childhood hero was letting her down.
"Mr. Blaze," Cap spoke again. "Can I offer something else for my friend's life? Something within my power?"
"What can I even take from a broke bastard like you? Even your shield belongs to the military," John sneered. "Negotiations are over. In exactly one minute, I'm tossing Tony Stark out of this plane. You've got a whole damn circus of flyers out there—so you either catch him, or you don't. Not my problem."
[This was a fun game, but there's no victory here. Superheroes can't give me what truly matters.]
Cain threw the trash out of the plane.
Tony was already being caught by Vision and Scarlet Witch—but kind-hearted Jane used gusts of wind to guide him gently into their arms.
John slammed the throttle. The plane blasted off, leaving a trail of hellfire in its wake.
Not a single Avenger tried to chase them.
[Still… this game did have a prize. Now every spandex clown out there will think three times before sticking their nose in my business.]
/////
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