So I told him,
"I'm still very attracted to you…"
And this guy's face changed like NEPA just took light mid-movie 😭
I noticed it sharp sharp. I was like Hmmm… okay okay King, spill it.
And then he hit me with the
"So yeah… The thing is… I'm not really ready for a relationship. I'm just going with the flow. Actually I don't want to date anyone right now sooo… yeah."
After all the "I'm not ready for a relationship" talk, King still had the audacity to be doing baby this, baby that.
Me: But you said you're not ready for a relationship.
King: Yeah, but you'll always be my baby.
EHHHHHH???????
So all the hugs… the cuddles… the kisses… the "baby this, baby that"
—JUST VIBES???
AM I A JOKE TO YOU SIR????
He even added like it was bonus points:
"Even though I'm not ready for anything serious… I won't stop calling you my baby."
Ah. I should have screamed,
"BABY WHEREEEE???"
But noooo, I stayed calm. Like a domesticated clown.
For a few days we were just vibing—friends, you know. But this guy, King of Mixed Signals, was still flirting with meee
sending "I miss you" texts, hugging me from behind, giving me those "I want to eat you" stares like I'm a jollof rice with fried plantain.
At one point I even forgot he said he wasn't ready for a relationship.
I was already planning our wedding color—black themed, in case you're wondering.
But deep down, I knew.
I knew this was the delulu Olympics and I was winning gold.
Huh??
Somebody call Pastor Jerry because this one pass me.
All the hugs, all the cuddles, the sweet forehead kisses that were giving Netflix rom-com—just like that, they were now friendly gestures???
Oh okay. Cool cool cool. Cries in Adele – Someone Like You
But the delulu in me whispered:
"Sophiee don't give up… He's just confused. You can fix him, girl. You're not like the others."
An idea that would later drag me by my wig and scatter my edges:
But instead of carrying my slippers and running like a sensible babe, the delulu in me (God bless her sweet confused soul) whispered:
"What if you draft a relationship contract? Like in those Wattpad stories?"
Me: OMG that's such a genius idea!
Also me: No it's not, sis.
Delulu Me: Shhh, trust the process.
So I opened my Notes app. Typed with my full chest:
"This agreement is between Sophiee and King. The terms and conditions are simple:
I will be your girlfriend until you fall in love with me."
I even added emoji bullet points and a digital signature.
It was giving Love & Logic 101.
(ok I imagined that part)
And guess what???
HE AGREED.
Mennnnnnnnn I was over the moon, Jupiter and Pluto.
I was blushing like a tomato.
I was in love love.
Why?
Because in all those Wattpad and Web novel books, it works na!
Fake relationship turns into real love. So why won't it work for me???
WRONGGGGGGGGGG.
VERY VERY WRONGLYYYYYY.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
But life said, "Babe not so fast."
Because less than one week into the contract, I started seeing "her" name popping up.
You already know who—the Ex.
That girl's name was haunting me like a Nigerian mother's slipper in the night.
King: Yeah, I spoke to her today…
Me: Oh… okay… cool… hahaha.
(Meanwhile, my heart was busy playing Lagbaja – Never Far Away)
I was boiling inside like Indomie water left too long on the gas.
I know I was just a contracted girlfriend but at least respect the contract terms, abi?
My job title might be fake, but the heartbreak was real ohhh.
I was still a girlfriend, contract or not!!
Then one cool evening, this boy sat me down and said with that soft voice that made my heart do kwu kwu kwu:
"I think we should end the contract… I feel like I'm being pressured and I'm just not ready."
ME??? PRESSURE???
What pressure?? I was just loving you in peace!!!
Truth is…
I had already fallen. Like deep. This was real heartbreak, not the "Fred baby boy heartbreak lite" I thought I had before.
This one dragged my chest.
Made me cry every night. My pillow knew my tears by name.
I just looked at him like, "So… what was all this drama for?"
All the time I spent manifesting our wedding hashtag: #Kophiee2025
WASTED.
I smiled oh…
But inside my brain:
Windows has encountered a problem and needs to restart.
I won't lie…
This one paaaaaainnnnned me.
Like, Fred who?
This heartbreak was different.
It was serving first love gone wrong, shattered delusions, and tears on my pillow.
I cried every night.
Listened to sad RnB.
I even downloaded TikTok drafts I'd been avoiding just to distract myself.
But nothing helped.
Guess who he started talking to again?
Yes oh, the ex was back in the chat.
I became background character in my own love story.
Still… me being the mature and understanding babe (don't ask me why),
I said: "Let me just support him from afar."
Because if heartbreak was an Olympic sport, I already won silver and bronze from Fred.
Might as well go for gold.
But instead of sinking into full-blown heartbreak mode, I did something I never really did before…
I focused on me.
My heart? In the bin. With zero packaging.
But I still stayed a "good friend." I was checking up on him, encouraging him.
Who send me message???
But the friendship with King?
It still dey sha. Because despite everything, I felt like cutting him off would be like deleting a chapter from a book that already exists.
People say first love hits hard.
This one no just hit. It carried me, slammed me on the ground and reversed over me twice.
But guess what?
I didn't die.
I started working on myself.
Told myself I must stop being "Mother Theresa for Men."
Started doing things that made me happy.
Started wearing lip gloss again. Taking fine girl pictures. Posting "healing era" quotes on WhatsApp.
I was finally becoming her.
I started working on myself, smiling more, healing, drinking water, minding my business…
Even downloaded Pinterest and started saving "That Girl" aesthetic routines.
I wasn't going to let no boy make me forget who the real prize was—me.
Period.
But me being me…
I still missed our convos, the random memes, the emotional talks at 1am.
So one day, I picked up the phone and called him.
We had the longest conversation ever.
Likeeeee… everything came out.
No filter, no holding back.
We talked. Like deep talk.
What did we say???
Hahahaaa… babes you'll have to wait for EPISODE 6 to know what happened
Grab your popcorn
Your tissues
And maybe a shot of zobo
Cos next episode might leave you screaming:
SOPHIEEEEE WHY???
stay tuned ❤️ 😁
#Talesbysophiee
#TalesByMoonlight