Chapter 44
"It takes strength to leave, but it takes even more strength to stay gone."
Unknown
There they were again, the averted gazes.
Walking back from the hospital, and even upon getting to the ranch, where there weren't scornful looks, there were averted gazes.
Just like I had been twelve years before, I was the reason another young man was now fighting for his life.
"AWhat were you thinking?" Madam Maria lamented later that morning.
She'd come to my bedroom where I was still sitting like an effigy, over an hour after my return home. I hadn't even taken off my shoes.
"Blaze of all people? Someone even Catherine is older than! And you allowed him to be rubbing your body in the full glare of everyone in that God-forsaken place? Do you know how many people saw you? Do you know how many people are dishing first-hand news ?"
A lone tear rolled down my face as I looked at the distraught madam mariai, and I didn't have to be a genie to know why she was so distressed.
She still bore the injuries from Ibrahim's attack when she tried to defend me 12 years before.
With news of my indiscretion all over the v
City, there was no telling what the repercussions would be this time.
But as frightening as the thought was, the real thing that broke my heart was losing jacobi. I mourned not only the loss of the possibility of a future with him, but even more so his friendship.
I found myself wishing I'd just been satisfied with the little time we had together, even if it was only platonic.
As it was, being banished from the hospital meant being banished from his life. And it broke my heart.
"Listen, just lie low," madam finally said. "Stay out of sight for now. Ibrahim hasn't been to town in a few weeks, and with any luck, the news won't reach him.
"The minister is still away, so let's just pray that by the time he returns, everything will have died down."
I nodded in agreement.
I had no intention of going to the city anyway.
But I had no intention of hanging around either.
I'd deceived myself for two decades that beautiful clothes, jewellery and the comfort of an easy life at the ranch were enough reasons to remain in this estate as a glorified prisoner.
But the truth was any life was better than this. I had to leave. I didn't even care where.
"zeynep," came Catherine's voice, as she peered into my room later in the day. "Can I come in?"
I shrugged, not caring for any company, but not wanting to shun her either.
"I feel so responsible for what happened," she said, sitting on the bed beside me. "That night, a part of me wanted to discourage you from going…but a bigger part of me was just so happy to see you wanting to have fun for a change. And I thought there wouldn't be many people at the club."
I said nothing in response.
"When I heard what happened to Blaze, it just reminded me of…" her voice trailed off, and I knew she was talking about the time she had escorted me to Jason's family house after the fire. "Thank God he's still alive."
"So, everyone knows?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
She sighed deeply and hissed. "The way the news has spread, even I don't understand! Too many people claiming to be witnesses; from his useless friends who say you were the one who forced yourself on him, to those at the club that claim you were trying to seduce every man there. I spent almost all morning fighting with people, telling them that, contrary to their stories, you didn't sleep outside the house, but it was like using a spoon of water to put out a fire."
I nodded, taking in the information and, at the same time, hating myself for making such a stupid mistake.
I had gained nothing from that unfortunate night out, but because of it, I had lost everything.
"Zeynep, I think you need to leave this place," Catherine said, her tone low and conspiratory. "It's not safe for you."
I looked at her, shocked that she was echoing my inner sentiment. In her eyes was the same fear I'd seen in her mother's, the clear reminder of how I, too, had almost paid with my life the last time something similar had happened.
"Personally I'm leaving this God forsaken place tomorrow," she continued. "If you leave this place with me, nobody will suspect anything. There are many spies in this ranch, and nobody even knows who is who anymore. It's better for you to leave quietly, before things erupt."
"Take me with you," I said, holding her hand. "Take me with you wherever you're going."
She suddenly looked uneasy. "I can't. I'm going to see…someone."
I nodded in understanding. "Your boyfriend?"
She smiled and nodded. "Yes. He has asked me to meet him in Lagos for a few days," her smile dimmed. "He's married, so we don't get to spend a lot of time together."
"Married? But why?" I exclaimed. "You're so young. Why waste your time with a married man when you can have any man you want?"
She shrugged, and I immediately had my answer. I knew too well that the heart wanted what it wanted. Who was I to judge her for loving a married man when I had spent a lifetime loving men who were no good for me?
"I'm pregnant, my mom doesn't know, so I intend to leave quietly," she continued. "Maybe under the guise of going to the market or something. So, you can't go with any of your things, not right now anyway. But don't worry, you can pack them and leave them in the store downstairs, and I'll find a way to send them to you when I come back."
"Your mom doesn't know you're pregnant? And you are Leaving" I remarked, caring more about that detail than ironing out the details for my own escape. "Won't she worry? What about the baby?"
"Don't worry about that, the baby will be well taken care of. She's used to me disappearing by now," Catherine brushed it off.
That was when I remembered how frequently in recent times Catherine had disappeared for days on end. I'd never thought anything of it before, but it was now crystal clear to me.
"You've been seeing him for a while?" I asked.
She blushed, and I could see in her face the look of a woman hopelessly in love, a look I not only recognised but could identify with.
"He's leaving his wife soon, and then he'll marry me," Catherine declared, her eyes dreamy. "And then there'll be no more need for us to hide and my child can have his father"
I smiled at her naiveté. Poor girl. She was going to learn the hard way that these things were not as simple as that.
As early as 6am the next morning, she was at my door. "Let me have your bags, so I can hide them in the store. When I get back next week, I'll send them to you "
It had been the conclusion that I would return to
Detroit,for the time being, from where I would later leave for Atlanta, GA.
Catherine claimed to have friends who would be willing to accommodate me there, but needed time to make the arrangements. With the minister not due to come back for another few weeks, I had enough time.
I handed her two suitcases, with only my dearest possessions packed.
I was more than happy to leave behind most of my clothes and the other adornments the minister had used as shackles to tie me down. If I was given the opportunity to start a new life, then I was willing to start over