"When I was grounded for 3 days, I heard you had finally met Duke Fremont for the first time" there was an emotion that crossed Leianna's face - one that Aina couldn't recognize. Her older sister's gaze fell upon the teacup on the table, and just before Aina herself could answer, the sound of a trolley cart being pushed captured her attention.
Aina looks behind, only to see that the 3 maids who fetched her food came back with an abundance of it. They halted beside the table without stepping on the platform and they slowly unravelled the covered dishes about to be served to Aina. Steak, mashed potatoes, a light soup with winter roots, a selection of aged cheese with berries, and a slice of cake for dessert.
She swallowed nervously at the heavy sight. "I don't think I can finish all these," she's never eaten that much in her life, ever. And though it might have been a common meal for a noble, for Aina, who never had much of an appetite, and whose meals were restricted for the last three years, it was clearly too much.
"Ciana, you don't have to force yourself to eat all of them, but I would like you to at least try." When Leianna's eyes travelled to her neck and arms, Aina tensed. She was well-aware that she appeared too thin for others.
"I-I'll try,"
Leianna smiles at her answer.
She started with the soup, and the lightness of it warmed her as she savored the winter roots in her mouth. She ignores the observing gaze of her older sister, whose joy was reflecting in the brightened aura around her.
"It's delicious," she comments and if it was possible, the air around Leianna shone even more as the smile on her red-painted lips widened with satisfaction.
"What did you think of Duke Fremont?" Aina barely prevented herself from choking. She lightly clears her throat as she puts the spoon down just after she cleared the small serving of the soup. It felt light in her stomach, and warmth spread around her body that she now barely noticed the small ache in her chest.
"I hate him" Aina answers without skipping a beat. She knew nothing good would have come with insulting the Duke in front of her older sister and her maids. But, if she were to be honest, she could hardly care less. If the Duke had any problems with her running her mouth around, then he can just cancel the engagement. That would preferably, be the wisest choice he could make for both of them.
Leianna freezes, and for a second Aina was scared of her response to her blatant disrespect. What she didn't expect, though, was for her sister to laugh - quite loudly, in fact.
Leianna covers her mouth as she laughs, with an extreme vigor she never knew was possible for her graceful sister. "I apologize, Ciana, it's just…I never expected that response from you"
"Really?" Is it so uncharacteristic of me?
"I think I'm just feeling relieved, that you are able to trust me with your thoughts now, even if it is hate for your fiance" Aina blushes, though she knew what Leianna was trying to say.
"It makes me feel like a reliable older sister" Leianna had nostalgia in her violet irises as her smile turned gentle. And Aina knew she was looking into the past, a past that no matter how Aina tries, she couldn't ever remember. The memories she had lost, supposedly filled with the period of joyful moments between her and her family.
Aina holds her tongue, unable to respond to her.
"I'm curious, why do you hate him?" Leianna averts the topic once more, noticing the discomfort of her little sister.
This time, Aina thinks of an answer. She savours the question, like a taste that lingers for too long. The maids take the empty plate below her and place the steak and mashed potatoes in front of her. Leianna stares, but doesn't say anything - she was most likely waiting for Aina's answer.
Aina still doesn't know how to answer without being impertinent.
Finally, she decides to tell the truth.
"He is not what I expected" she says, settling her hands on her lap, she straightens her back as she continues, "He is too calculating, and incredibly arrogant. Every move, and every word feels like a part of a greater game that I'll never understand - and that he knows I'll never understand…" Aina trails off, she wanted to keep going, but she glances at her sister's expression, one that remained calm as she listened to every word.
"And?"
"His perfection unsettles me" the ache on her chest grows. Aina reaches for it as she rubs small circles using a gloved hand.
Leianna takes her teacup, sipping from it gracefully before bringing it back down. She clasps her bare hands together once more, and rests her chin atop of them. She heaves a sigh, one that is defeated and filled with sorrow. Why? Aina didn't know.
"You know, I never wanted to be engaged to His Highness"
Aina's eyes focused on her sister as she pressed her lips together in shock at her own sister's revelation. And the fact she was speaking about it in the presence of the maids.
"I know, the papers say we are in love - you must understand, Ciana, that those are all propaganda to make the Imperial family look good"
Leianna heaves another heavy sigh, she glances behind and signalled for the servants to leave them alone. The maids immediately nodded their heads and left the premises in a single line, including Allie who only left after Aina gave her own permission.
"Truth be told, I don't like his Imperial Highness, and I've never liked him"
Aina's jaw was left hanging at her own sister's confession. Then…why has their father forced Leianna to marry the Crown Prince? Leianna, the treasure of the Evrians, getting married to a man she didn't even love? The Leianna that she thought she knew seemed like a faraway illusion, now long gone.
"Don't look so shocked. Though, I suppose I can understand your surprise, this might be the first time I have ever admitted this out loud to anyone" there was something that ached, not the painful kind, inside Aina's chest - like a warm hand cupping her heart, Leianna seemed capable of touching her heart with just her words.
"Why?"
Leianna instantly knew what she meant. "You're my sister, it's natural for me to tell you my feelings. I haven't even told this to our brothers, you know" she had a smile, one that seemed to say 'obviously, because it's you' and Aina feels something that overcomes her whole being. An emotion she hadn't encountered - light, pleasing, and incredibly warm.
"Why do you hate the Prince?" Aina lets the unnamed feeling settle inside her, savoring every bit of it.
"He and I…we don't match"
"His Imperial Highness grew up in a very sheltered household wherein both the Imperial Majesties gave into his every whim. He is pure, in a way that he has this idea of the world, where he sees all people as 'good' in nature. He doesn't have an ounce of self-preservability, and no ambition either, and to top it all of, he is too stubborn"
By the time that Leianna finished venting, she was out of breath. She softly shuts her silver lashes, and seems to count from one till ten, before letting out a long sigh - a habit that seemed to have been ingrained in her, before her violet irises revealed themselves once more.
"We are too different - two sides of a different coin, that is how incompatible we are"
Her sister was fuming.
"I-Is he really like that?" Aina never noticed it before. She was too focused on the blinding looks of the Crown Prince, though she has never spoken to him in person before and just sees him from afar in all the Imperial Balls that she had attended.
"He infuriates me" Leianna confirms, her bare hands folded into fists. It seemed to Aina, that her sister's buttons got pushed at the slightest mention of the Crown Prince.
"Why did father…" she trails off, as she wasn't sure how to ask the question herself.
"Agree?" There was a bitter smile playing on Leianna's plump lips.
"The same reason that he agreed to yours"
Unfair. It was unfair. For both of them. They were tied against their own choices, binded to a marriage with men they didn't even like. "That he's not able to -"
"Reject the proposal" Leianna finishes for her, there was a small bitter smile and a pained expression on her flawless face. Her striking eyes met with Aina's pale ones, and there was empathy and understanding in them, one that spoke volumes of the shared sympathy they held for each other.
Leianna slowly reaches for her hand over the table and Aina lets her, despite the unshakable feeling of wanting to pull her hands away. "Ciana, I never wanted for you to live through this…this kind of arrangement" her older sister's eyes were glassy.
"I hoped for you to have been able to choose your life on your own terms. To choose who to love, to marry, and to choose the life you want to have"
"That's why I was so against father agreeing on your engagement" glassy beads of tears fell down Leianna's blushed cheeks in an uncontrollable amount.
"You had been through enough - you shouldn't have been forced into a marriage when you're not ready yet. Honestly, what was father thinking?" Aina held her sister's hands, ignoring the urge to pull - she held them as tightly as she could without hurting Leianna.
Leianna pulls a hand and reaches for the napkin without moving her other hand. She wipes her tears and the incoming snot, it was a sight Aina never thought she would ever see in her life. It was uncharacteristic of her older sister to seem ungraceful, but for the reason that Leianna was crying for her, Aina felt moved.
"We're just women, we can never defy the decision of our father and no matter how much father treasures and cares for us, he can never protect his daughters forever" Leianna lets go of the napkin to hold onto her little sister again. Her eyes looked straight into Aina's soul, and for a moment, she was afraid Leianna would see her deepest thoughts.
"Ciana, you must know this, that even though we are the treasured daughters of the mighty Duke Alixandre Evrian, we are just pieces - movable pieces inside a political scheme. Who we marry is strategical, and even the number of Heir we give birth to must be in their favor"
"Will we never be free, then?"
Leianna's teary smile pairs with affection - and love, Aina could recognize it now. There was love in her eyes and in the gentle way that her older sister held her hands. At that moment, she could see it clearly. Leianna truly loved her.
And might have been loving her, for as long as Aina - Ciana, lived.
"It seems so" Leianna's spirit seemed defeated and utterly broken as she spoke those words.
And Aina's head hung low at the realization.
At the truth of it all - that she'll never be free.
Suffocation fills her, and the ache slowly creeps its way once more inside her chest, the pain pulsating through her every breath. She stares at the steak, now left untouched. Aina dreads her future - as hopeless as she once thought it was, she never realized it would come to this. Leianna's confirmation left a hollow feeling over her, washing her away like waves, drowning all the little light she once had. In the hopes of freedom - for now there was no hope at all. Aina feels the puzzle coming together as reality settles deep in her skin, carving into her bones, like a cruel brand that would never disappear. The shadowy figure looms, as if feeding off the despair she felt - she feels cold at the proximity of it, and the pain in her chest starts to become too noticeable to ignore.
I'll never be free.
The words haunt her now more than ever.
Ciana will never be free.
But what about Aina?