"Honestly I'm more impressed than horrified that he could juggle supporting three families for decades plus a kid overseas, and not a single wife moved to divorce him," Mindy said nonchalantly while smacking on some gum and lounging on Lulu's bed.
Not exactly the sympathetic response Lulu had expected upon sharing that day's woeful adventures.
She stood at the edge of her room, arms crossed and her laptop still open on her dresser behind her. "You do realize he lied to all of them for decades, right? Lied. Like, he kept entire children secret."
Mindy shrugged, stretching her legs out and adjusting the silk sleep mask she was using as a hairband. "Sure. It's morally bankrupt. But the logistics? Iconic. Man must've had the calendar of a NASA launch coordinator."
Lulu let out a groan and face-planted into the pillow beside her. "I don't need admiration. I need...I don't even know what I need. Maybe some therapy?"
"Well…once you're paid you could do some retail therapy? Plus I already made you a healing cup of tea," Mindy offered, waving to the chipped mug on Lulu's nightstand.
"That's not tea. That's hot Gatorade with a chamomile bag floating in it."
Mindy blinked. "Well, electrolytes and calm."
Lulu turned her head just enough to mumble into the fabric, "I'm going to have to coordinate an entire funeral with three wives, eight children, and a surprise son in Vietnam."
"And you're going to slay," Mindy said cheerfully, flopping over dramatically. "We'll get you a color-coded chart… Maybe even hire an intern!"
Lulu peeled her face off the pillow. "Hire an intern? You mean like...for Spectral Solutions?"
"Exactly!" Mindy sat up, suddenly all business. "You're drowning in completing these tasks, and what do successful small businesses do when they grow? They delegate. I've been helping out where I could but I'm pretty swamped with trying to get the full site up and running"
"To who, Mindy? I can't exactly put 'must be comfortable with ghosts and secrecy and possibly being yelled at by grieving people' on a site for jobseekers."
"Why not?" Mindy said, reaching for her phone. "We get creative. 'Seeking chaos-tolerant assistant for fast-paced spiritual logistics role. Must like tea, conflict resolution, and occasional hauntings.' Boom. That's marketing. Wasn't that your major, not mine?"
Lulu stared. "You are not making a job post without my approval."
"Obviously," Mindy said, clearly already halfway through a draft.
Lulu sighed and rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. "I was supposed to spend this week using the money from Amelia to go on a weekend spa retreat. Now you've got me going all legit…." Lulu mumbled disgruntledly at her best friend's horrid attempts to (gasp) get her unemployed self a legitimate career.
"I know, I know. It's truly awful," Mindy said, mock-pouting. "A job. Stability. A growing reputation for helping to fulfill last-wishes like some kind of emotionally tormented superhero. You poor thing."
Lulu groaned again, dragging a pillow over her face. "You're impossible."
"And you're amazing," Mindy grinned. "Which is exactly why the universe gave you this gift of seeing the dead. Or... you know, whatever it is that you see—we're rolling with it! I'm just the super hot eye-candy friend with computer skills."
There was a long pause as Lulu stared up at the ceiling again, the quiet hum of the ancient box fan filling the room.
Finally, Lulu muttered, "Do you think we could actually find someone who wouldn't run screaming after Day One?"
"I think we find someone who won't faint when you start talking to someone nobody else can see," Mindy replied. "And has good typing speed. Oooh! Maybe exorcism skills, just in case this is real and you see ghosts."
"I DO see ghosts…," Lulu stressed. "But the exorcism skill doesn't sound so bad…"
"And a flexible schedule," Mindy said.
"And preferably no close connections to organized crime," Lulu said with a small smile.
Mindy snapped her fingers. "You're narrowing the field."
Lulu sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Okay. Fine. Maybe...maybe we do need someone. Just for intake and admin stuff. Someone who can answer emails, help me keep track of which ghost said what, and maybe—maybe—sit in on the occasional emotionally catastrophic séance without screaming."
Mindy whooped. "Yes! Assistant character unlocked. This is it, Lulu. This is the empire-building phase!"
"I was thinking more like the 'not sobbing into my couch cushions at 2am' phase," Lulu said dryly, but the thought of having even a sliver of help did make her chest feel a little lighter.
Mindy was already opening her laptop, fingers flying. "We'll need a cover story. Maybe we say you're a medium specializing in...grief coaching?"
"Not really accurate."
"Grief logistics?"
"What even is that?"
"Ghost consulting?"
"More accurate. But still terrible."
Mindy beamed. "Good enough! I'm putting that on the job post."
Lulu blinked. "You're actually making it right now?"
"We strike while the iron is hot!" Mindy declared. "This is going to be amazing. We'll set up interviews, vet them, maybe do a prank where you talk to a ghost to see how resilient they are."
Lulu groaned again. She was beginning to suspect this assistant hiring process was going to be just as wild as anything else in her life. But, at least this time, it was the living who might cause problems.
Maybe.