Harry frowned and ran a hand over his chin, "Fair point. I should clarify. I'm not saying always 'channel' your anger. Think of it more as a spark. Then use the same energy and effort required to sustain it. Don't waste time being angry. You get angry. Accept it. Find an outlet for it. Hopefully also deal with what made you angry and move on,"
Ahsoka looked like she was turning it over in her mind. "How do you deal with it?"
"Each healthy person is different and deals with it in different ways," Harry explained with a shrug, "Running, beating the stuffing out of inanimate objects, screaming and crying, playing a musical instrument, talking it out with someone, working on something artistic or mechanical, getting a hobby, writing things down in a journal, having angry sex. There are innumerable different ways."
Ahsoka regarded him levelly, though her tone had more than a hint of sarcasm in it, "Let me guess which one you recommend and prefer."
"You'd be surprised," Harry laughed in amusement, eyes twinkling before his expression sobered, "But my point is there are lots of ways to do it. But ignoring it and hoping it goes away? Perfect recipe for rage issues later in life."
Ahsoka stroked her lekku as she considered Harry's statement, turning it over in her mind. It was slower than normal because she had to compare her thoughts with her emotions and how she both thought and felt about Harry's words.
"Not to muddy it for you, but there's also two different type of anger," Harry interjected after the silence had lingered for a minute or two. Ahsoka's head lifted sharply at that statement, and a worried look crossed her face.
Harry nodded slightly and explained, "There's hatred, which is the desire to hurt, to punish, and righteous anger which is anger toward a perceived wrong. I mention it because you displayed both in your little eruption earlier." He didn't want to harp on this but he also wanted to make sure Ahsoka understood. She had spent so long being indoctrinated by the Order he wasn't sure she could recognize the difference.
"You lashed out at both the Order and at what's-her-face… Shaak Ti, specifically. The Order as a whole wronged you," Harry explained and then paused before continuing, "Of course, in my opinion, they did for years. But that's neither here nor there,"
"But what they did to you in the events around that trial was unjust. It was wrong. Being angry about that, having the desire to see that same injustice never happen to anyone again. To prevent it. That is righteous anger." Harry explained, and could see that he had Ahsoka's attention as she was hanging on every word.
"Shaak Ti made her decision, and yes, that makes her part of the larger problem until she learns," Harry stated and then held up his hand to stave off any reply. "Yes she's wrong. And she may never learn. I'm well aware of this. Though she has at least displayed a little bit of independent thought."
Harry paused as he considered how best to explain it before nodding, "Let me ask you this though. Do you believe that Shaak Ti intended to hurt you? Or acted as she did for selfish reasons?"
Ahsoka considered that before shaking her head slowly, "No, she certainly didn't condemn me personally like some of the others. Nor did she speak out against me… at least as far as I know."
Harry bobbed his head at her statement, "Then she wasn't acting out of malicious intent. Ignorance, yes. Blindness, definitely. Stupidity, maybe yes, maybe no. Maliciousness, not so much."
Ahsoka snorted and smiled a bit at the casual and blunt insults. Though it was clear from her expression that she still didn't seem to understand what Harry was explaining, and Harry could see that.
"Given the hololog Aayla shared, and her own actions, she's trying to learn. You can give her the cold shoulder, not talk to her, ignore her," Harry said with a little bit of a smile, "Heck she might even deserve a good pranking… I don't know … I'll teach you how to use a sticking charm to stick her montrals to her forehead or something." "But wanting to hurt her specifically, wanting her to suffer… that's what crosses the line to hate," Harry said grimly, "And wallowing in that is the sort of thing you want to avoid,"
Ahsoka looked at him. The question clear on her face without putting it into words.
"You've mentioned before that the hatred leads to the Dark Side of the Force, which you were taught was the easy path," Harry said, and she nodded in agreement, knowing that had come up in their discussions on the ship.
"And in a way you're right," Harry admitted with a very sad smile, "It's so bloody easy to hate. The problem is… when it's hate, it's almost always directed at the wrong things."
"You say that like you've experienced it," She said quietly, accusation.
her
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"For the longest time, I hated a lot of people. I hated most of our magical society," Harry replied quietly.
"Oh?" Ahsoka leaned forward, crossing her legs, interest clear on her expression.
This was Harry talking about himself, something that he hadn't shared much of so hearing it was definitely a step for her.
Harry nodded a little bit. He considered stopping there, but realized that he should share as much as necessary to get the point across, "I felt righteous anger at the first Dark Lord I defeated. He killed my parents, my parents friends, and friends of mine. I felt that same anger at his minions... Death Eaters, he called them. They were about as unpleasant as their names suggested. The same went for the other wizards that had joined him."
"But… I hated the people that stood by. I hated the majority my parent's generation, for allowing this evil to fester. For allowing the rot to infect our world. For standing by and being perfectly happy requiring the sacrifice of my generation, no more than children at the time, to stop it," Harry was looking toward Ahsoka as he spoke but his eyes had a faraway look in them as he remembered.
"The people who one day praised me as a hero, then hated me thinking me a delusional liar when I warned them the Dark Lord was back. Then remaining silent as I became wizarding most wanted when the Dark Lord took over and then once more praising me when I finally killed the bastard for good,"
Ahsoka was listening with rapt attention as Harry spoke. The passion and emotion was easy to hear in his voice.
"It took me awhile…" Harry smiled genuinely for a moment in remembrance, "And I didn't do it alone. Daphne actually was the one to finally make me understand."
"The people I hated weren't worth poisoning myself with that hate. They didn't deserve to be considered important enough to make me bring myself down like that"
"In a way they didn't deserve my hatred. My disdain? Sure. But Daphne reminded me that the people who didn't stand up were fathers and mothers and husbands, and wives and aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters." Harry explained quietly.
"Whoa. D é j à vu," Harry realized and then smiled wryly.
"What?" Ahsoka asked with a tilt of her head.
"I just had a similar conversation with the two Jedi Masters earlier. They asked me If I supported the Separatists," Harry responded with a chuckle at how eerily similar the lines of thought were.
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