The first thing to awaken was consciousness; even before he could see, hear or feel, he knew that he existed. For quite a while, he was just there, without form or body. Feelings such as hatred, betrayal, revenge and sorrow were what gave meaning to the beginning of his existence.
It awakened in him the desire to be more, to be complete. Rivers of blood were his only source of nourishment, like mother's milk for a newborn; when he first saw and heard something, it was the sweet sounds of death screams, agony, whimpers, tears and raging screams.
He saw weapons, fighters and a battlefield piled high with corpses that could not have been more different. He saw light and darkness, the interplay between shadow and fire. Consciousness gave rise to reason, a madness that knew only killing. The desire to be continued to form until nothing more stood in the way of his birth. Filled with the energy of centuries of war and millions of deaths, seas of blood and a deep, insatiable thirst for death.
His consciousness burst, spreading into infinity only to come up against the edge of his physical existence, still completely shapeless, not knowing what arms and legs or even a head were, he shot across the battlefield and sank what he would later call claws, deep into the flesh of those present. He heard screams and was enraptured, for this time the screams were his.
He felt blood, a warm, comforting sensation enveloping him. In his frenzy, a power vacuum formed over the place of his birth and locked everything else up with him. Blades whirled, whips and blows split his shapeless form, yet it reassembled again and again. He was fascinated by the graceful form of the men and women and so he formed arms that he could lift, legs with which he could walk, a torso, a head, a body.
»Look at how ugly you are, completely without form, a clumsy lump of rotten flesh!« a voice mocked. He spun around, but he caught nothing. He had to see, with eyes, real eyes. At first, his field of vision was blurred as he began to use his new sense organ to perceive his surroundings, and the black-green haze with which he had previously felt his way fell away.
»You are a delusional animal, so much power, so much potential, yet completely inexperienced. If only you were just as innocent. But no, you are a monster through and through!« He turned around again, but there was nothing there. In this miserable, wide field of blood and stone and rotten flesh, there was no one left to talk to him. A flickering, silvery light appeared before him.
»Are you looking for me?« Now he recognized a figure bathed in a silvery light, but its contours seemed blurred, intangible. He reached out to it. Only later would he understand that what stood before him was called a goddess and that what it radiated was beauty. She was small and slender, with light-colored robes and silvery jewelry. Her hair was dark and long.
»Or is it because you were born of all the suffering and hatred?«‚Give it up, demon, you've already killed me once, once is enough,' the goddess's voice reprimanded him. She glared at him angrily from her dark eyes. He blinked, what was death? Why could he only do it once? There was so much he didn't understand, the meaning of her words was the beginning.
»My name is Xiao Lian, was... better said. What you see before you is only an echo of my existence. My soul cannot escape this power vacuum that surrounds us!«
It had been a while, but how long he couldn't say, even Xiao Lian had lost her sense of time after her death. They wandered around, the huge plain from which he was born resembled a black, rocky wasteland.
There were hardly any trees and if there were, they were dried up and splintered. No creature that was not demonic slithered around, and the air was still filled with the smell of death, hatred and revenge. He looked at himself in a reflective surface of black jade that stretched across the plain like the surface of a shattered mirror.
He looked more human. He had decided on a tall figure, and had copied the muscular body with slender hips from the cultists who had danced across the battlefield with their blades flashing. His long black hair blew in the wind and constantly fell across his now-even face and dark green eyes. He pushed it back.
Xiao Lian sat on a rock, gazing ecstatically at something. She had taught him a great deal, had given him lessons in writing and speaking, in history and morals. He could now distinguish between right and wrong, good and evil.
Now he could also understand himself and what he was much better. A great demon, born of the eternal bitter war and mutual hatred between gods and demons. The Daiyu Plains had always been the battleground where the delicate balance between the demons and the nine heavens was maintained.
If one of them were to be destroyed, there would be a temporary surplus of the other, but eventually the world would try to return to its usual balance and create something to counteract the one-sided flow of energy. He stepped up next to the petite figure and frowned. What Xiao Lian was looking at so dreamily was a weed.
A thin stem grew out of a crevice in the rock and light, white petals, some of which were already badly damaged, swayed gently in the wind. She liked something like that? He bent down and, before Xiao Lian could stop him, had roughly plucked the single flower. He held it out to her.
»Oh, you great stupid demon!« she shouted angrily. He lowered his arm slightly. What had he done wrong?»If you separate the plant from its roots, it's the same as cutting off a head. You've killed it!« Xiao Lian sighed. »Now it will wither and die. You stupid demon, when will you finally understand that you have to leave things in their natural environment? Just because you want something, doesn't mean you can take it,« she scolded.
Anger welled up in him, she always had something to complain about, no matter how much he learned, no matter how much he understood, he kept making mistakes. He was a demon, not a god. Wasn't it in his nature to destroy things? His fist closed around the delicate plant so hard that he could hear its fragile stem break. Black-green smoke curled up and the petals crumbled into dust. Xiao Lian shook her head.
»Now it's gone forever. What you just saw, you will never be able to get again, do you understand that? Now it was just a flower, but what if you hurt someone you care about, will you understand that it won't come back?« she asked. Xiao Lian bent down to the roots and gently stroked the leaves that had been left behind.
»She was beautiful, exactly where she was, exactly as she was,« she explained.
»Why is someone like her here?« he asked in a hoarse voice. A voice he had only discovered a few days ago and had not yet fully mastered. Xiao Lian looked up and sighed heavily.
»Not entirely voluntarily,« she confessed. »I am a flower goddess, I delight in lotus lakes, in trees that are in full bloom in spring. In the scent of blossoms and the beauty of flowers.« She rose and motioned for him to walk with her.
»When I descended from heaven a while ago, I met a mortal. A wonderful man. Although he was always serious, his heart was sincere and pure. I sensed no hatred, envy or malice. Everything he did, he did sincerely and because he was convinced it was the right thing to do. But he was no fighter, no warrior, and when I heard that he had been sent to the front, a part of me broke. I hurried here, but no sooner had I entered the battlefield than you awoke,« she cast an angry glance at him.
»I didn't even really have time to draw my sword,« she sighed. »I lost it somewhere. It's a shame, it's a beautiful blade, it shimmers silver when danger is near. I made the hilt myself out of ornaments that tell a story. It was only ever meant as a decoration, since I didn't plan on getting involved in this war, but things always turn out differently than you think, don't they?« she said wistfully.
»In all that time, I never found his body here. I dare to hope that he hadn't reached the plain yet before you awoke,« she sighed. »I hope that when all this is over, he will find his way to my sword and know that I kept my promise to protect him. Even though it unfortunately meant my demise sooner than I would have liked.« She jumped over the jagged rocks, looking for another flower in the shade, while he simply followed her leisurely, trying to understand her words.
»The blade is a part of me; it will protect him and his descendants forever. It will show him the way and provide a bright light in dark days. It will not be touched by any Yao in the world...« She paused briefly before turning to him.
»If you are a good demon and appreciate the delicate balance that our world needs to survive, you are the only one I will allow to touch the blade as well,« she said deadpanly. He just shrugged, how useful could this one blade be? Xiao Lian sat down on another huge rock and grinned down at him. Now she was taller than he was.
There was a rumbling overhead, and the power vacuum occasionally shook the plain. He couldn't imagine that they were both trapped here separately from time. Xiao Lian had tried to explain it to him, but she wasn't particularly good at it.
She had told him that there were many good teachers out there in the world, but that it would be better for him to stay here. By now he was smart enough to know what she actually meant. Stay here, in your self-created prison, so that you can no longer harm anyone. But if he had created it himself, then he could also free himself.
He tilted his head and felt Xiao Lian stroking his hair. To her, he was a child, even if he didn't really understand what a child was. These were certainly things he would not learn here, but he still knew that in her eyes he had the potential to become more. He just didn't really know what this more was. Xiao Lian had tried hard to teach him as much as possible so as not to reduce him to his killing instinct.
As they sat there, talking, and he listened to her describe a world that was vast and colorful and so beautiful, another desire awakened in him: the desire to see this world with his own eyes. Why was this world so special that people fought over it for thousands of years? But what could he do? As soon as he left the plain, the gods and demons would hunt him down.
Didn't that automatically mean that he was a danger to this beauty? He looked up. The sky had many different colors. Xiao Lian had listed them all for him, but here, under the dome of his power, he could see nothing. Shadowy outlines flitted across the sky. Dust swirled in the air without ever really settling.
Xiao Lian was constantly complaining about the smell, but he didn't smell anything. He had never had anything else to smell, though. Everything seemed unreal, distorted and blurred. All of this seemed out of touch with reality, even though he didn't know what reality was. There was so much that he would only understand when he was out there.
Xiao Lian noticed his change, it was slow but unstoppable and she knew that one day he would break out, would he, as predetermined by nature, be the end of all life? Or would he, as she hoped, be able to preserve the world guided by her influence? The silence between them grew longer and longer as the demon pursued his own thoughts and conclusions. In the end, she would no longer be able to bear to see the man she had made out of him. They eventually reached the center of the plain, a huge hole gaping in the ground and eerie sounds emanating from it. Although nothing could be seen, it was clear that something was lurking just below the surface.
»Reality,« the great demon said so abruptly that Xiao Lian almost jumped ten feet into the air. She held her no-longer-beating heart and looked at him reproachfully.
»If I remove the vacuum, it will come true? Your death, the death of everyone on the battlefield. Like the flower, you will not return, we can never go back to that point in time? That is... reality!« he said, looking at her urgently from his dark eyes. Xiao Lian was surprised, he had grasped the truth at a depth that she had not yet credited him with, so she just nodded. The demon looked into the hole and suddenly all sounds ceased.
»Reality will be lonely without you,« he finally said. Xiao Lian couldn't help but laugh out loud.
»I've been dead from the start, you stupid demon,« she laughed and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. »You'll meet many others out there, and you'll find that there are so many different characters, attitudes, and experiences. There will be so much for you to learn and understand. I'm sure that one day, when you know who you are and what you want, you'll know how to protect what's most important to you. It's not me.«
She stood next to him, took his hand, and looked down.
»Everything in this world is born or created. But everyone decides for themselves what they want to do with the time and life they have been given. Now it's your turn to decide who you want to be. I have one last gift for you and I have thought about it for a really long time,« she said, drawing some characters in the air. »Your name, Zhen yan, what it means and what it stands for, you have to find out for yourself,« she said cheerfully. Then she became more serious.
»Zhen yan, I hope that one day you will be able to see the world as I do and learn to understand it better. No matter if mortal, god or demon, everyone who has to make decisions and act makes mistakes. But we learn from our mistakes and do better next time. This world and everything that exists in it has a right to live and make its own decisions!« She squeezed his hands.
»And today you made the decision to move on, didn't you? It's okay, I see the time here as a gift. I'm not angry with you, nobody asked you how you want to be born. However, there will be many who will try to tell you how you should live. I also wish that you choose a peaceful life, but please always remember that it should be your decision and only yours.«
Zhen yan didn't know what to say. Later, he would often think about this farewell and all the things he could have said. He would also often think about everything he would have to tell her if he met her again one day.
But at some point he had understood what a farewell forever was, and he had understood that he would never see Xiao Lian again. That he would never be able to tell her about all the colors, smells, and experiences, and at some point he had even understood this burning pain that filled him when he thought of the little, inquisitive and delicate figure of the flower goddess. But at that moment, he did nothing but nod.
Xiao Lian held his hand for quite a while, but as the plain gradually reassembled, the hole and the cracks closed and, in return, the unreal sky began to splinter, the pressure of her hands also gradually disappeared. With sadness and joy in her eyes, she felt the tension within her slowly ebbing away, and with the fall of the energy around her, she too disintegrated.
The plain began to shake, there was thunder and lightning as the power vacuum collapsed and broke over the deeply engraved seal in the black jade. A golden shimmer covered the jet-black stone and all rumbling ceased. The earth trembled violently, sounds flooded in on him. He felt the wind, smelled the spicy air and felt cold raindrops on his skin. He stared at the sky, it was gray.
Thick clouds had gathered and washed the dust out of the air. He felt empty, nothing of all the things he had expected were coming for him. Zhen yan walked across the plain, here and there he saw a burning white tree, swords, spears and daggers lined the ground. There were no dead bodies left. It was pouring down with rain and the sky was thundering and rumbling. All the heavenly gates were sealed to prevent him from entering.
But he had no ambition to go to heaven, he wanted to see the world, he wanted to see all the things Xiao Lian had told him about. He stopped. Eventually, he reached the edge of the battlefield. He stood on yellowed, brittle grass and in front of him, a small flower with snow-white petals had struggled out of the ground, weak and bent by the wind and rain.
He held out his hand, but instead of roughly plucking the flower, he gently stroked its petals. He watched the flower for a while, awkwardly shielding it from the rain with his hands, before eventually moving on.