Chapter 40: The Abyss Stares Back
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Losing Myself
The silence is loud.
Louder than the screams.
Louder than the howls of the damned.
Louder than the sound of my own breathing.
I sit in the dark, staring at nothing, my mind fraying at the edges like a broken thread.
How long has it been?
How many years?
I can't remember anymore.
I used to keep track. Scratching marks into the walls. Whispering the days to myself like a prayer.
But that was a long time ago.
That was when I still thought I could escape.
That was when I still thought I was human.
Now?
I don't even know what I am anymore.
---
The Voices Start
At first, it was just thoughts.
Memories.
Fragments of a life that feels like it belonged to someone else.
Then… the voices came.
At first, they were whispers. Quiet. Gentle.
"Derrick…"
I flinch. My own name sounds foreign to me.
"Derrick, what are you doing? Why are you still here?"
I don't answer.
I don't move.
"Derrick, you're pathetic."
That makes me laugh. A dry, broken sound.
"Tell me something I don't know," I mutter.
The whisper chuckles.
"You should just give up."
I close my eyes.
I almost listen.
Almost.
---
A Mind in Freefall
I talk to myself now.
Not for comfort. Not for sanity.
Just so I don't forget what a voice sounds like.
"Hey, Derrick. How are you today?"
I force a grin. "Oh, you know, just another day in Hell. Literally."
I pause. Tilt my head.
"And you?"
Silence.
I snort. "Yeah, that's what I thought."
I laugh.
The laugh stretches too long. It turns hollow, shaking, breaking.
And then—
I stop.
The silence swallows me whole again.
And I feel myself slipping further.
---
The Monster in the Reflection
I crawl to the edge of a blackened pool of water, peering into its depths.
A face stares back at me.
Long, unkempt hair.
Hollow, sunken eyes—no, not even eyes anymore. Just two endless pits of darkness.
Skin hardened, cracked, unnatural.
I blink.
It blinks back.
I grin.
It grins too.
"You're not human anymore," the reflection whispers.
I reach up to touch my face.
My lips part—jagged teeth, sharp like a predator's.
I should feel something about this.
Horror. Fear.
Anything.
But I don't.
I just smirk.
"Guess I finally fit in here."
---
Despair vs. Rage
Some days, I lie in my cave and do nothing.
I stare at the ceiling. I let the hunger gnaw at me.
I listen to the creatures outside.
I wonder what it would feel like to let them in.
To stop fighting. To let them take me.
But then—
Jason's voice.
"You think you're worth something? You're nothing."
Serena's laughter.
"Did you really think I cared?"
Their voices drag me back.
And the rage is instant.
I slam my fist against the cave wall, sending cracks through the stone.
I roar, the sound tearing from my throat like a wounded beast.
I don't know what's keeping me alive anymore—hatred or insanity.
Maybe both.
Maybe that's all I need.
---
The Abyss Stares Back—And I Stare Right Back
This place was supposed to break me.
To turn me into another mindless beast, another wretched soul lost in the flames.
But it didn't.
It made me something else.
I step out of my cave, the red sky stretching endlessly above me.
The creatures lurking in the shadows shrink back as I move.
They can feel it.
The change.
The abyss whispered to me, tried to drag me down, tried to make me its own.
But I refuse.
I am not a soul to be tormented.
I am not a victim.
I am not human anymore.
I am something worse.
And Hell is about to find out exactly what that means.