As I head towards home, a familiar face pops up.
"Yo, yo, Kiyomi-chan! We're back! You woke up!"
Should I ignore her again? Or has that already grown boring?
"I'm so glad to see you again, Kiyomi! I don't know if you know this, but you're my third favorite person in the whole universe!"
"Wow. That's a nice sentiment. How many people do you know, anyway?"
"I know this girl named Kumiko, and I've just become acquainted with this super popular girl named Olympia. And then there's you…"
"Wait… That's only three people! You basically said that I'm your least favorite person!"
"Be grateful," she says as she flicks my chest. "Well, what I said isn't the truth. Or perhaps I should say it isn't the full truth. I became acquainted with an Olympia, but she's no longer here. So I've yet to be acquainted with one. I wonder if the Olympia in this iteration will become friends with me. I hope she's more friendly this time around, though…"
So I was right.
The Olympia that I spoke to just earlier.
Isn't the Olympia I once knew—
That Olympia isn't even the original Olympia.
"Indeed, Kiyomi-chan. That Olympia, and the Olympia you just spoke to, were and are a lie. They were and are a lie, a fake. But are you going to let that get in your way of happiness? Even if they weren't the original, they're all you have now. You'll never speak with the Olympia who called you a coward again. You'll never speak with the Olympia who took you to her special place and brought you out of your shell. They're gone. Never to be seen again. I wonder, if you had a shred of a heart, would you have been able to save her? If you had an ounce of courage, would you have been able to save her? If you had the tiniest of brains, would you have been able to save her? I wonder. Well, what do you think?"
Just like whenever I don't know what to say—
Just like whenever I don't want to say anything—
Just like whenever I don't want to face the truth—
I clam up.
My mouth remains shut, and nothing can escape. That is, if there were anything that would flee in the first place.
"Kiyomi, what is your goal? Do you plan on continuing to live your life, and whenever you croak, befriend the next Olympia? Are you okay with that? Are you alright with abandoning whichever Olympia you have now and moving on to the next? What about your family? You've spent your entire life with them, and yet you seem to be okay with throwing them away. For what? For a girl you just met? For a girl you haven't even spent the equivalent of a week with? Where are you going? Just how dull was your life? How dull is your life? How dull is your entire existence? Is dying worth talking to a girl? You're not even talking to the same girl. You're talking to a life, a fake."
"If that's what it takes to secure my happiness," I muster up, "then I'll die countless times. Olympia is what makes me happy. She's all I need. She's—"
"Olympia is not what makes you happy. The idea of Olympia is what makes you happy. Get that through your brain. You piece of shit. In your world, she isn't even a person. She's just something you use that makes you think you're happy. But if you're okay with tossing the old Olympia and starting over with a new one, then that's no different than a toy. The current Olympia, the Olympia you didn't even go through the effort of sharing the full conversation you had with, is no different than a replacement. The happiness you think you have is a lie, a fake. The Kiyomi Otonashi I am speaking with right now is a lie, a fake."
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!
Please?
Don't make me think about this.
Don't make me acknowledge this.
Even if that is the truth of the matter, I'm fine with living in a lie, a fake, a fairytale.
I couldn't care less about what's real.
Have you seen what I've been through?
I've come back to life in some indescribable way.
I woke up from my dream to come to wherever I am now.
But this is nothing more than another dream. That White World is just a dream of a dream. This is the dreamer of that dream. Even if it's all make-believe, I don't care. It doesn't matter to me. I'll be able to be with Olympia forever. I'll be able to be with Kumiko forever. I'll be able to be with Emanon forever. I'll be able to be with my family forever. I'll even be able to be with you forever.
Please don't take this away from me.
If everything's a dream—
Suddenly—
She caresses my face with her hands, looks me directly in my eyes, and tells me:
"I'll wake you."
And with that, she kisses me. Not with as much tongue as she did the first time, luckily. She stays for a while. For some reason, I don't push her away. It's as if I'm frozen.
She's the first to move away.
"That was for a wish that I want to be granted," she says.
It takes me a moment to snap back into reality, but once I do, I respond: "What is your wish?"
"For you to be happy, of course. And for you to not be murdered in this life."
She smiles as she says this.
I don't know how to describe the smile, but I know its reason.
Just because I can't articulate my thoughts in words doesn't mean I can't feel it.
"Well, smell ya later," she says.
She runs off.
Her cheeks flushed red.
Maybe in this world, in my world, she's the only thing that's real.
Everything she's said has been true.
Even if it hurts me.
I can't deny her.
I don't want to accept her.
But—
She's right.
I pray that her wishes come true.
If everything is a dream—
Don't wake me.