Megan's POV
Shaking my head yes, I motion with my thumb and index finger coming down close together, to indicate a very small amount. My facial structure is serious and unsmiling but my tears flow.
"Shit," Jax hisses, leaning forward to wipe my tears but I push his hand away, almost violently. How do I tell him the real reason I do not want to change now even though I want to, after all these years, because of his support?
Sniffing, my friend finishes the cookie and as he is about to wipe away the crumbs from his lips, he sort of goes into a zone-like state. Red then tells me it's the alpha. It is then I understood that those phased moments he has had, had been them talking to each other by mind link.
Blue.
It was not a 'help, the zombie's got my brain' sort of phased-out, blank appearance, but more like a distracted one.
Then Jax gets up, replacing the clip and then the box back where he found it and makes a trip to the freezer and I know he's going to get me ice cream, but I leave and he allows me, without any feeble attempts to get me to stay.
This is the very first fight/ none-fight we have had as adults.
Perhaps it's Blue because I think of the negative way in which he will judge me when he knows the truth about what's growing inside me. He does not have a great deal of affection towards me and I could sense it. At first, I had not because Red had me distracted with her eagerness towards him and since we feel each other's emotions, I had mistaken it as mine. Or maybe I had been distracted by my own affections, towards Blue's human.
Or maybe it had been the entire newness of being able to hear another wolf inside my head. Maybe it was just the whole excitement of being with a friend after so many years. Just a companion to talk to.
Maybe it was everything.
It took me a couple of days to visit Jax again. He did not call me during that period of time which could mean either one of the two; one, that I had been correct in assuming that he and Blue shared the same thought that I was selfish and did not care if my wolf survived or not. And two, he had been busy with the alpha.
Once again, his mother was not at home and Red's nose stated her scent was very faint. Meaning she had not been here in days but that was not the reason for my visit today and I did not feel like small talk either. And, as if we were an old couple that had a quibble, Jax merely opened the door and stretched his hand out behind him, bidding me to enter.
My face takes on what I can only assume is a green shade when he hugs me and I push him off hurriedly and dash for the bathroom, one hand covering my mouth. His cologne was pungent smelling, today.
"Okay, so, I'm sort of pregnant," I blurt out and his eyebrows perch up from the ajar door of the washroom. There was no other way I could think of saying it. There was no opening to slide this bit of information in, so I used the 'rip out the plaster' method and just put it out there.
His expression remained unchanged.
Ten minutes later, we are seated in his living room but now he is gaping at me. I'd just given him a shortened version of my sorrowful tale. The only time his eyes move is when he glances down, with a slight furrow at my flat stomach which is hidden under my thick sweater, and then he reaches over slowly and raises it, to expose my navel.
Only because he is Jax, I allowed it. Had it been someone else, I would have kicked them perhaps. But even if he was hoping to see a bump that was still months away- I think.
Red and Blue are speechless. Red apologises to me for being selfish which goes to show me that she also had been under the impression that I did not care for her well-being either. Red never thought once about the baby in my tummy and what the repercussions of my body shifting would do to it.
Following this, I too broke down in emotional tears and expressed my regret for the years that had passed by without me considering her as an individual and only considering her as a branch of myself.
Walking to the window, I notice the outside, is a bit shady. Glancing up when I see the clouds' shadows on the near-empty and extremely dry backyard, my hands on the huge window handle I push upwards to open it, despite the air conditioning being on.
I am clustered.
Gaping upwards, I note the clouds gathering, the already dim sun now vanishing. Minutes go by and Jax comes behind me, holding my skinny arms, pressing himself slightly against my back.
My eyes close for a couple of seconds before I find myself relaxing against his lean body, his head against mine. In silence, we both remain as the temperature drops. Bringing chill in the air. Raindrops start to streak down, distorting the view of the trees, more than a couple of feet away as Jax's house was near the woods.
But we never closed the window.
The sky disappeared leaving only grey. We watched on as the rain grew heavy causing ripples in puddles on the ground, causing the green around the house that we could see, to glisten, providing a fresh clean look now to the landscape.
Red and Blue remain quiet. I know Red is basking in the serenity we feel that comes with heavy rainfall.
Jax's arms move around me and over my waist where my hands also hug my waist but over his hairy ones.
A few more minutes go by and I sense Jax's sombre mood when his hand comes up to press lightly against my stomach region.
"Are you sure, you are pregnant?" Jax's words are accompanied by a deep frown.