MIKO
I don't know if I am crazy or I just like torturing myself.
Why does seeing him and Sara flirt have to ruin my whole day? This is why I need to get my head back in the game.
He just came in the group to work and perform, he has shown no interest in me like that yet I was making my way here from the house, all I could think about was the night we spent together, the moment we had in the morning … things I shouldn't be taking to heart.
Because they are all nothing, they mean nothing to him. I hate to admit that I like him that fast; I am getting distracted.
I face the mirror, letting what I do best take over my body, and forget about the boy who has his eyes on me. I lower the cape I am wearing a little more and start moving. When I dance, I feel the voice, the tune … the frequency of the song settle over my skin, go deeper inside me, and then move with it.
I live in the song; become one with it as I move and twist my body, feel how light my body gets as I let myself go. I think of water, and how seamless it is, moving without resistance, as one, no knots or hard curves or shapes, just easily flowing.
So as the music progresses, I follow how it goes up and down, the rhythm one with my body, following how it wants me to go, be ... I love it so much that I just close my eyes and let it all go.
Nothing else matters, I dont hear anything, I don't feel anything else but the music. When I open my eyes, I watch how my body is moving and in sync … until the song stops and I come back to earth.
I am breathing hard once I stop, the song repeating itself. I remove the cape, pushing the sweaty bangs back and putting it on again.
"What do you think?" I turn to Jude who is … "Are you okay?" I kneel in front of him, worried.
"What- you…"
"…"
"You are so good I am lost for words," he whispers as he gapes at me with wide eyes. Something warm washes over my center. It feels good but I ignore it, schooling my features.
"You think so?"
"Yeah! I have never seen anyone dance like you, and I mean it when I say you are the best dancer I have ever seen in my life."
Even better than Sara? "Come on, I will show you how it goes," I pull him up.
"How can I ever match up?"
"You don't have to, just find your style in the choreography. It's not about being like me, it's about being yourself, finding yourself in the movement."
"Did the choreography teacher come up with it?"
"No, I did."
That seems to make him even more appalled and the comical way his face gets makes me chuckle. "Come on, it's not hard, I will teach you."
As the choreographer of the group, the dance studio is my second home. It helps that I love music so much and dancing, moving and feeling the fullness, immersing myself in the song makes me feel like I am touching god … yes I love it with all my heart.
So when I am given a chance to show another how to tap into that divinity, I am excited. I start from the foundation of the choreo, going up.
When I am forming the full choreo, I like starting from the beginning, progressing with the song, following how the song as it goes up, and letting it take me where it wants to.
So when I watch back on the recordings of myself- because when an idea strikes, I don't know how it will form I just go with it - I record myself to track everything and then clean it all up later when I see a pattern.
Nowadays I can see the foundation of the dance, the middle, the climax, and the epilogue of it. So I take Jude through each step fully before moving to the next one.
By the time we are done, we are breathing so hard, sweat trickling down our skin that we both fall on the dance floor like drowned fish.
"Wow," he breathes looking at the ceiling.
"That was amazing," I agree with him.
"You are an amazing teacher."
I exhale, smiling a little. Everyone in dance has their style that can be seen across every move they make, no matter the song.
It's like a shape, your color, and your voice. Jude's is sort of a diamond. A little sharp on some edges, but straight too. I can't wait to see him at his peak … I bet it will be magical watching him perform.
"Let's go again, we can perfect it a little."
"Aren't you tired? We have been at it for two hours."
"I can do more, I can't slack down," he sits up.
"What's your purpose?" I ask him calmly, not moving from the floor. "What would you sell your soul for?"
Jude pauses, and then slides back on the floor, our shoulders touching as we stare at the ceiling together.
When he talks again, it's quiet, almost like a whisper but I hear him clearly. "performing in front of a sold-out concert, so many lights for me, the shouts and screams, people chanting my name … feeling like a god in those moments as I express myself fully, nothing weighing on my shoulder in those moments."
I can see it, the imagery almost being played out in front of me, as he talks, as he shows me a glimpse of his deepest desire, his greatest wish. I get lost in that cocoon, where Jude is his highest expression.
"It's beautiful," I whisper. I turn my head to look at him. "Can I join you?"
He turns his head and looks at me as he chuckles lightly. "What?"
"Can I join you?"
"Don't you have a greatest wish too?"
I sigh as I look back at the ceiling. "It's nowhere close to being grand like yours."
"I bet it is," his hand slightly touches mine on the floor. "Tell me what you wish for in all of this."
I close my eyes, a smile curving on my lips. "I just imagine myself as the greatest dancer, known worldwide. Our group has debuted, and we are doing world tours, performing, dancing, singing, and rapping with all the guys.
"We have the most amazing time, visiting all these countries, experiencing all these great places and at the end of the day, we are all doing what we love the most.
"I am dancing along with my mates, rapping and our songs are ranking high on the billboards." I open my eyes, the light above shining.
"It's the dream Rin and I have had since we were back home, playing guitars and dancing in our basement when we were in middle school. Seeing it all come true is my greatest wish."
"Wow," he breathes, still looking at me. "Why would you want to leave that and join in mine?"
I turn my head and look at him. His brown eyes are seemingly black but overall so beautiful. "Because. You are here now and they seem interconnected. I want to experience my wish with you, and I want to be next to you as you experience your wish."
Fuck, have I said too much? I start opening my mouth to explain and clarify when he cuts me.
"I like that." he is smiling.
Why does that make my heart beat faster than when I was dancing for ours straight?
"Something that has always made the dream daunting is when it's all over. What happens when I am done with the concerts? Will I be alone? Will I have someone to share all of that with? Just the thought alone makes me so scared."
"Why would you think that?"
He sighs and looks up again. "Because it has always been just me, all my life. I don't know anything else."
I know how it feels to be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. I know it all too intimately and I have always wondered if that will be so for the rest of my life. But then, this boy walked in and I felt a flutter, something I have never ever felt.
He walked in my life and the loneliness, the noise … ceased.
It's crazy when I think about it because even I can't explain it. I slept like I hadn't in a very long time yesterday simply because he was in the same room as me.
"You don't have to be afraid," I whisper. My fingers seek out his, barely touching but I can feel his skin on mine. "You are not alone anymore."
I feel the back of his fingers press on mine lightly. "You will be next to me?"
"I will help you achieve what you wish for. Protect you and be there next to you." my throat bobs as I swallow, heart racing but there is a calmness to this moment.
"You have me now." I turn my head and look at his side profile. His head turns and looks at me, his eyes locking on mine.
I try to remember why is shouldn't be moving too fast, why I shouldn't be getting ahead of myself, but all of that fades to the background, the world falling quiet as I look at his eyes.
He doesn't look away either. He swallows, and my eyes follow the way his throat moves up and down before I go back up to his lips.
"I think," I clear my throat, sitting up abruptly. "We have to go to the studio and see what rin has for us," I stand up, avoiding looking at him like if I do I will get burned.
"Yeah! Rin said he needed me there too, should we go back together?"