Dove at age 7.
They lead us through sand towards a stunning castle made out of green stone.
"It's jade" I hear my new brother say to Cecilia and she nods. She's not smilling or really engaging with him beyond being polite like our mama had taught us to be. It seems like the less interested she is the more my new brother tries to get her attention.
The closer we get to the castle the more the sand turns into a vibrant jungle of trees. I can see people rushing back and forth. Everyone looks so happy.
The jade stone castle opens up into a wide entrance hall. The walls inside are white like pearls and everywhere I look everything shines. Father pulls me closer into his leg while we walk deeper into the hall and I smile into his hug. Sometimes he can be really caring.
Lady Sand brings us into a parlour where she sets us up with tea. Once there she shoos away the children for adult talk and father finally lets me go. I follow Cecilia and my new brother outside into a tropical garden, but he gives me a look that says I should stay away from them to let them get acquainted. I give him a slight nod, letting him know I'd do my best.
When we get outside I can't help but gasp at how pretty it all is. Flowers as far as the eye can see surround a green pool of clear water. I run around examining as many of them as I can, making note of the most beautiful to tell my sister about later. When I'm done I find Cecilia is talking to Francesco nearby.
I run up to my sister and grab her hand, "Cece come see." I start to drag her over to a bunch of particularly purple buds when Francesco shoves me to the ground.
His face is cold, "I was speaking to Princess Cecilia, begone you stupid shadow" he shouts at me like a threat.
I struggle not to cry and back away slowly before breaking into a run. Cecilia doesn't chase me, she doesn't reach out for me but she looks at Francesco with disdain. Francesco looks happy at my departure.
I run deep into the garden, my small arms up around my head, pushing deeper and deeper into the trees. Nobody calls out for me, our parents are still likely having tea.
I'm not sure when it got dark but soon there's no more light to show me the way home and I really do cry. I try to turn around but I don't recognize anything so I just sit in the dirt, a new hopelessness curling around in my belly.
Daddy will come, he always finds me.
Minutes stretch into hours. Nobody comes, but then I hear a strange music.
---
Dove.
"Are you okay?" Raven asks me, a hand on my shoulder. I try to shrug off the memory, like her touch, and give her a with a small forced smile. I don't like to be touched, she recognizes that, so she removes her hand and starts checking my wounds under the leaves.
This time when she removes them she doesn't immediately put them back on. Instead, she extends a hand and says, "What would you think about having a real herbal bath? I think you're scabbed over enough that a short soak wouldn't hurt you and it might help you feel a bit better."
I hesitantly shake my head no and then look at the natural hot spring in front of us.
"It will be medicinal and it should help with your recovery, I know your muscles are sore and tense." She presses again and I cave in with a slight nod.
Her limp is a bit more pronounced when she shuffles over to the cabinet to take out a variety of coloured satchels. Tossing each of them into a mesh metal box and then attaching it to a level at the side of the pool. "Ready?" she asks.
I give another nod, a little bigger but definitely stiffer. With the leaves gone my skin is completely bare, a map of scabs winding its way around my body. Everywhere but my face is covered with the visible history of what he did to me.
My skin feels tight moving around but she's patient as she edges me into the hot spring and then slips in herself with a sigh.
"You know this is the only place in the building I actually like" she insists.
"You mean other than the kitchen?" I try to lightly tease, and looks at me surprised. I guess I haven't really spoken much in the last week. She breaks into an easy laugh, "I guess you're right, but we take food where we can."