Natsukawa Kanade couldn't quite recall when he had fallen asleep—or if he had slept at all.
It felt like the entire night was spent turning over the words his roommates had said, grappling with the realization of how others perceived him.
To say his feelings were complicated was an understatement. On one hand, he disliked the imagined version of himself that everyone seemed to see: a playboy who juggled relationships and left a trail of infatuated exes in his wake. This disdain stemmed from deeply ingrained values from a different era. Yet, in Japan, someone like that wasn't necessarily ostracized. On the contrary, such a person could even be celebrated.
You're successful because you're attractive to so many capable and charming girls! That was the kind of sentiment that society—especially his peers—might admire.
On the flip side, those who remained solitary, avoided socializing, and stayed invisible—the so-called loners—were more likely to be ostracized, even bullied. These individuals were often saddled with a derogatory label: 陰キャ (in-kyara), or "gloomy characters."
But for Kanade, that had once been his reality.
Perhaps in his earlier days, he'd fit that mold. Back then, nothing seemed to matter, and he drifted through life in a haze. It wasn't until he met the "heroines"—the girls who caught his eye—that his focus sharpened, and the world around him began to change. His every action and decision became a reflection of his desire to impress them.
In retrospect, Kanade saw how his efforts to win these girls' affection weren't entirely fruitless. Although he had never succeeded romantically, he'd gained what he called "side rewards."
He learned how to cook—and became quite good at it.His academic performance skyrocketed, even earning him the top spot in his grade.He strengthened his body and built resilience.He developed patience, tolerance, and other traits that were less visible but equally valuable.
In short, pursuing these girls had made him a better person, even if the "prize" he sought eluded him. While the ultimate return wasn't what he had hoped for, the friendships that emerged were something to be proud of.
That said, he wasn't entirely content.
His thoughts shifted to the female friends he had made—Shiina Mahiru, Eriri Spencer Sawamura, and others. Did they know about the bizarre rumors surrounding him?
If they were ordinary acquaintances, Kanade believed they might have heard something. But for girls like Mahiru and Eriri, who were directly involved in those events, it seemed unlikely anyone would outright ask them, "Hey, did Natsukawa dump you?"
Still, the idea that some level of rumor might have reached their ears gnawed at him. How much had they heard?
Was it just idle chatter they brushed off with a laugh? Or had the rumors planted seeds of doubt, making them question his motives?
Most importantly:
Had these rumors influenced their decisions to reject him?
Kanade agonized over the possibility that hearsay had tainted his confessions before they even began. While he doubted this was the case with Mahiru, he wasn't so sure about Eriri or the upperclassman who had come after.
Eriri, in particular, was someone easily swayed by external opinions. If she had been influenced by rumors when she rejected him, Kanade didn't know how he would cope.
Though he now acted as if friendship was enough, his restraint was a carefully maintained facade. Deep down, he still wished for something more—to finally succeed in becoming someone's boyfriend, not just a "friend."
Back then, his feelings might have been muddied by environmental factors, but they weren't false. And over time, as he truly got to know these girls, those fleeting emotions solidified into genuine affection.
So now, he faced a choice:
Confront Eriri and the others, asking if the rumors had influenced their decisions to reject him.Let it go and continue being their friend, pretending nothing had ever happened.
The first option held the slim chance of providing the closure he once dreamed of—if their rejections weren't influenced by rumors, they might even reconsider.
But if the truth didn't align with his hopes, he risked shattering the fragile friendships they had rebuilt. What if the response was, "I didn't realize you still felt this way… I'm sorry, but we can't stay friends."
That would be the second rejection—and this time, there would be no third chances.
Kanade couldn't afford to gamble like that, especially with past failures as a cautionary tale.
His preference for the second option was rooted in more than just fear. Over time, he had grown accustomed to the presence of these girls in his life.
If he entered a relationship now, he would have to return to his old ways—prioritizing one girl while maintaining a distance from the others to prove his commitment. But could he really do that now?
Once, he wouldn't have doubted himself. But now, uncertainty had crept in. If he hesitated, it meant there was a non-zero chance he wouldn't remain faithful.
And even if the possibility was remote, it was a dangerous crack in the foundation.
If external pressures widened that crack, disaster could follow. Not only would it hurt the girl he dated, but it would also harm the others.
To prevent that, Kanade knew he needed to ensure his feelings were unshakable before making any moves.
He had to be absolutely certain.
That was the resolve Kanade carried as the dawn broke, his restless night giving way to a day filled with even more questions.