Before jumping right in the story, let me clear some things.
I had changed my face to leave the battlefield because, frankly, I enjoy having a dick. I have no intentions of getting my dick eaten.
But that plan flopped harder than a live action version of some childhood fantasy story.
Therefore, I reverted to my original—handsome, greek god, super serum inspired—face.
But when I did that..
Pedro, a hero, pulled someone out from the crowd and yelled, 'If you are the Hero King, then who the fuck is this guy!?'
The guy in question had the same face as me but everyone got to know it was Sexis.
How did they get to know it? Well, because he only changed his face to mine, not his eloquence.
That idiot still spewed premium english.
Nobody in their right mind would confuse that vocabulary for mine. I speak in Comic Sans, not Times New Roman.
Only Sexis could do that.
I had changed my face to get away from the fight and this Alien King also chose the same thing.
But he chose my face to run away. This way, if someone had seen him running away, they would think the Hero king is a coward and he is turning his back from the war. It was a fool proof plan for him.
But alas, he was caught by Pedro and he himself gave away his real identity as soon as he opened his mouth.
Though, I knew it was Sexis before he even said something.
Because that bastard was still wearing his white sneakers.
He changed himself to me but didn't change his sneakers. Must be some kind of permanent preference for him.
Anyway, back to business.
After people figured out that it was Sexis, the alien King's eyes widened.
"What? No. It is I. The Hero King."
I sighed, stepping forward.
"Just give up, man. Everyone already knows by now. Come back to your original alien sneaker-loving self."
Sexis looked around, saw the eyes of his Alien soldiers and the Humans and their eyes showed that his identity was compromised.
And it seemed as if that didn't say right with Sexis.
"How did you all figure out my true self? It was perfect." He barked.
"I already told everyone how we caught you in the start. No reason to repeat it."
"Told whom? You didn't even utter a word about my capture till now."
"I told the people who needed to know. And just because I didn't utter a word doesn't mean that I didn't speak."
Actually, not uttering a word does mean not speaking. But I doubt these people would understand my contradictory statement.
"Angh. Fine. Leave me."
Sexis jerked Pedro's hand from his collar and waved his hands over his face.
The next moment, he returned to his original self—The Alien King.
He walked over to the side of his Alien soldiers and stood in front of them.
I did the same but I stood in front of my soldiers.
Malthus was standing between me and Sexis.
A few kilometres of distance was between us and the red Demon and it seemed, the demon had some questions.
"Why did you change your face to the Human King? What were you trying to accomplish from that?"
"Heh." Sexis scoffed. "As if I will share my reason with you."
Bro, you were trying to run away. Of course you can't share the reason.
Anyway, Sexis refused to answer Malthus but the same question was raised again.
"No. Seriously, why did you change your face into that Human? You are more gooder looking than him." An Alien asked it this time.
Gooder. My ears died a little. His English was the opposite of Sexis'. If not careful, autocorrect would change it to Gooner.
And from what way Sexis is more gooner looking than me? Shit. I meant gooder. Fucking autocorrect.
Anyway, now that one of Sexis' own soldiers asked the question, the Alien King had to answer it. He couldn't pull the same move he used against Malthus. He was now cornered by bad grammar and expectations.
And not surprisingly, Sexis chose the same answer as me.
"It was my plan."
"Oh. How so?" The Alien soldier asked.
Sexis nodded and his eyes shifted towards me.
Don't look at me, man. I bombed my plan too. Can't help you.
I shrugged my shoulders and Sexis sighed. He was on his own now.
"Just know that it was my plan. Nothing more."
"Oh yeah?" Malthus chimed in, smirking. "So you weren't trying to run away dressed as Hero King, hoping to ruin his reputation while saving your skin?"
Sexis twitched.
"That's a blasphemous accusation. I have never fled from battle. If you wish to understand my strategy, then listen closely. I altered my appearance to sow confusion in the mind of this crimson beast. Had he seen two Human Kings, his uncertainty would have bought us a precious moment—enough to strike a fatal blow.
Following my transformation, I scoured the battlefield for Racis, intending to join forces with him. However, the Hero Pedro intercepted me during my search. It became apparent that Racis had devised a separate plan of his own, and I was unable to locate him among the ranks. And thus, we arrive at our current predicament."
Sexis finished explaining and his soldiers were dumb enough to believe him. Just like my soldiers.
Malthus, however, narrowed his eyes.
"That wasn't a very great plan, Alien King."
"Of course it isn't a good plan. I just made it up right now."
"You what?"
"I concocted it on the spot—because I believe in action, not overthinking. I don't dwell on elaborate strategies. I intended to adjust the plan as I went, but alas, it was flawed from the very beginning."
Good save.
But now I think Malthus had enough..
"The time for talking is over."
He raised his sword.
"My soldiers—attack!"
"RAAAHHH!!"
His army charged.
I raised my swords too. "Killlll!"
"Let's GOO!!"
My soldiers rushed ahead like they forgot we were just bullshitting seconds ago.
Malthus. Sexis. Me. We stood in place.
And finally, after all the face-swapping, gaslighting, and grammatical crimes…
The war began.