DAWN
I'd stirred in my sleep, rolling over and expecting to find the comfort of Dragos' warm body beside me, when instead, I felt a space.
Groggily, I pulled myself out of bed, checking the bathroom first. Not finding him there, I then headed downstairs.
On realizing he wasn't there either, my eyes had started to clear.
Finally, I decided to check outside, starting with the garden, where I eventually found him.
And he was busy.
It was the first time I saw him feeding.
And instead of being concerned or angry that he was drinking her blood against her will, I was jealous.
There was something about the act that seemed rather intimate.
Perhaps it was the way he had held her, his hand inches from her breast, or the way her eyes were shut, a picture of conflicted pleasure and pain as he drained the life from her.
Either way, I wanted it. I'd wanted him to drink my blood.
I shoved my hands into my pyjama bottoms and looked up at him, worriedly. "I guess we'll have to cut our vacation short, so I can fix you."
"No," Dragos shook his head, "We're not doing that. I can wait a few more days."
I scoffed, "You seriously don't look like you can."
He was quiet for a moment. "Dawn, I'm sorry. You shouldn't have seen that… I shouldn't have done that."
"Please, just stop apologizing," I replied with a groan, pacing the garden and looking around. "I hope no one saw you."
"No, I was very discreet."
After a moment, I turned back to face him. "So, are you alright now? Do you feel better?"
My eyes raked the length and breadth of him as if searching for signs of the curse's sickness.
Dragos shrugged "The tremors don't last long. Same with the palpitations. But they're not easy to endure, even for someone as strong as me. It's going to get worse as it progresses" he explained.
"Do you still need to feed?" I asked.
"If I said yes, would you still look at me that way?"
"What way?"
"Like a monster."
I took his hand in mine and gently caressed it. "I don't think of you as a monster, Dragos."
He sighed, his expression tired. "I saw the way you looked at me, Dawn."
"I was taken aback. It was the first time I saw you feed"
"So, you don't hate me … even just a little?"
"You're being a baby," I said jokingly, poking him in the arm. Then my voice turned serious. "If I could, I would've chosen to break the curse right here, right now, but it's a very complex process and it can only be done on the grounds of Sinaia, where Dragavei died."
Dragos' face softened. "Oh. I see"
"Yes. You still didn't answer my question" I pointed out with a frown. "Do you still need to feed?"
There was frustration in his voice. "Yes, Dawn. But I won't. I'll try my best not to give in to the urge, you have nothing to worry about. Okay?"
After a moment of quiet, I swept my hair aside, exposing my neck, and stared directly into his eyes. "Feed from me, then," I said quietly.
Dragos stilled, but his eyes didn't leave my neck. "What?"
"You heard me."
He frowned, releasing a guffaw. "A moment ago you were scolding me for doing it to Lani, and now you want me to do the same to you?"
I crossed my arms, my face set stubbornly. "Yes. It's my choice"
Dragos shook his head. "No"
I felt myself grow more agitated. "Why?"
"Cause I don't want to. I don't want to harm you"
"You won't. This is what I want"
Even I knew I sounded stupid.
I, the Divine Purge, the being tasked with eradicating vampires to protect humanity, now wished to be fed upon by one of them.
It was a sick irony. That I, the weapon of their destruction, the bane of their existence, now craved the very thing I was meant to annihilate.
"Why do you want it anyway?" He questioned, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "Besides, your blood is different, it burns."
I shook my head, nearing him. "What happened with Azrael was some sort of defense mechanism. I was terrified, my blood was only trying to protect me.
"Not now," I paused. "This sounds funny coming from me, but… I won't harm you"
He was quiet for a moment as if considering, then replied, "My answer's still no, Dawn"
"But you'd rather feed from someone else? Right?" I bit out.
Dragos' voice showed his frustration. "What is wrong with you? Why this sudden need for me to feed from you?"
I felt my own frustration boil over. "Because I want to help you! I want to be the one who satisfies your needs, not some random person. I can't stand seeing you suffer, knowing I can do something about it. And it hurts that you won't let me help you."
He edged closer to me. "Dawn, I can't risk harming you. What if I'm unable to stop?"
"You've fed from others before and stopped" I argued.
"Yes, but it's different" he replied, running a hand through his hair. "I don't have feelings for the ones I've fed on, it's just… it's not the same thing with the one you love. "
"So, the blood tastes different with someone you love?" I asked, seeking clarification.
"Yes. Vampires call it the blood rite, and it's not just the blood," he said, his voice tense. "Everything is different, Dawn. The manner of feeding, the- the intensity… it's sweeter, more intoxicating. When it's someone you love, the connection is deeper, the bond stronger" he paused, looking into my eyes.
"The temptation to keep going, to take more, becomes almost unbearable. It's harder to control especially now that I'm vulnerable because of the curse. That's why I'm scared I won't be able to stop."
He let out a pent-up breath. "Please just try to understand. Okay?"
The only way he could know so much about the intimacy of the blood rite was if he had experienced it before.
"Did you ever feed from Rose?" I asked quietly, though I could already predict his answer. I just needed to hear it from him.
"Yes," he admitted softly. "Before I turned her"
My heart shattered into a million pieces.
I had wanted to share this with him… the intimacy of the blood rite.
I had wanted it to be special. A first between us.
But what did I expect? He was over five centuries old. Why did I think I'd ever get to have a first with him?
"Dawn," he began, noticing the change in my mood.
I felt uneasy, heartbroken in a way I knew I had no right to feel, especially since it had happened centuries before I was even born, but the pain I felt now was real and sudden, and I couldn't shake it.
Dragos tried to touch my face, but I looked away.
"All that happened in the past. You're my present and my future," he said softly.
"Then, feed from me," I whispered, guiding his hands so that his fingers lightly touched my neck.
He gulped. "Dawn…"
"Yes?"
I didn't know why I was this desperate to connect to him in this way.
I didn't understand why I was being so insistent.
Maybe it was because I wanted to share something so intimate, something that had always been a part of him. Or perhaps I needed to prove to myself, and to him, that I wasn't afraid, that I could handle whatever… darkness the curse had left within him.
Or maybe it was just jealousy. Plain jealousy that he had fed from Rose, so he had to feed from me too.
Dragos didn't look away, his eyes glued to my throat, and I saw his eyes gradually start to turn red, revealing his bloodlust. But he pulled back, flinching as if in pain.
"No. No. No," he muttered repeatedly, his back to me.
When he turned, his eyes were fully red, with the veins around them prominent.
"I haven't even fed from you yet and look… look how out of control I am." He sounded frustrated, but I didn't care, I was turned on.
This was how hard it was for him to resist me. This was how much he wanted me.
"It's okay," I whispered, moving closer, but Dragos fell another step back each time I neared him.
"Please, Dawn, don't," he begged.
I stood still and began to remove my pyjama top. I had pulled it halfway up, exposing the underside of my breasts, when Dragos hissed in disapproval.
It was as if he was scolding me for trying to tempt him.
"Don't" he warned, but I could feel his eyes linger on my exposed boobs.
"Or what?" I asked in a daring tone, stepping closer and letting my hands wander down to caress him through his pants. I wasn't surprised to feel him hard beneath the fabric, and I looked up with a teasing smile, continuing to stroke him slowly. "What will you do, Dragos?"