Holli groaned as she rolled over, her stomach flipping and twisting. She managed to swallow down the bile that came up, letting out a disgusted grunt at the taste it left. Why did she feel like such shit?
Opening her eyes, she looked around. She was in her room, the little office in the back of the castle. From the light through the lone window, it was daytime, afternoon maybe. Why was she in bed?
Before she could try and work it out, another wave of nausea hit, and she sat up, hoping to puke anywhere that wasn't her blankets. Suddenly a bowl was shoved in front of her, and she threw up into that. Her hair was pulled back so it didn't get in her way. She was too busy emptying her stomach to see who it was, but she was grateful.
Even when there was nothing left in her, her stomach still kept trying to eject nothing. Eventually it calmed, and the room was quiet a moment. She wiped off her mouth, setting the bowl aside. Her hair fell back around her shoulders, and she looked back to see Cole a little behind her.
"Solas said you would feel bad when you woke," he told her.
Why did she feel bad? Holli had never been drunk before, but from what she'd seen of her classmates and on TV, she imagined this was what a hangover would feel like. But she didn't drink. At least not to the point of blackout drunk.
"What happened?" She asked.
"You were healing that man yesterday. Don't you remember?"
That's right, the paraplegic! "Did it work? Is he all better?"
Cole shook his head. "But he improved."
Holli shot him a questioning look.
"He can feel in his legs now, a little bit."
Holli used the desk to pull herself up, closing her eyes as a wave of dizziness hit.
"You're supposed to stay in bed," Cole told her.
"Says who?"
"I said it," Solas said, slipping into the room on silent feet. "Will you excuse us, Cole?"
Cole nodded, then gave Holli a nod in what she thought might have been a bye. Holli looked to Solas.
"Bloody hell, am I in trouble again?"
"No," he replied, faintly amused. "But please sit down. You shouldn't be up."
Holli dropped into the desk chair, a little relieved to be off her feet, though she'd never admit it out loud.
Solas came around the side of the desk, leaning against it, legs crossed at the ankles and arms folded across his chest. He didn't look mad at least.
"Mr. Loewe must be gutted I failed," she muttered.
"Quite the opposite. He's regained some sensation in his legs and the ability to control his bowels and bladder. And I would not call that a failure."
"So if I were to try again, I could finish the job?"
"And that is what we need to discuss."
"I thought I wasn't in trouble."
He tilted his head curiously a moment. "A discussion is not the same as a scolding, Holli."
Every 'discussion' she'd ever had had been because she was in trouble. While she knew the definition of the word, 'discussion' was just a code word for scolding or lecture and more often than not resulted in an argument.
"Okay, let's say you're right. What are we discussing then?"
"What happened yesterday. Do you remember much?"
"Not really. I remember talking to him, getting him on the bed, and then I started healing him, I think. Or trying anyway. Gets a bit fuzzy after that."
"Do you recall I told you that if a mage uses too much of their magic, they'll start drawing from their own life?"
She nodded.
"You started doing that yesterday. You did not appear to be in your right mind or in control. It was as if you were in a trance. And when we tried to intervene, you had erected a barrier to stop us from being able to do so."
"Why would I do that?"
She didn't remember doing that, or even thinking about doing that.
"It's not the first time your magic has acted on some unconscious desire of yours. It is possible a stray thought about not wanting to be interrupted could have spurred it to action. If you cannot remember, then we'll never know. But regardless of why it happened, it was dangerous. We need some kind of safeguard in place for next time. And I recommend not using your magic for a few days; let it, and yourself, recover."
Holli nodded. "Is that why I feel so crappy? I started eating into my... life? Does that mean I've, like, shortened my life span?"
"No, not at all. It merely means you risked killing yourself if you went much further."
"Okay, cool," she breathed out. "How do I stop it from happening again?"
"As a start, more complex cases like this should be done with supervision. Either Vivienne, Dorian, or myself would be ideal."
"So, a mage."
He nodded. "We'll need to implement ways to keep you safe should this happen again. The three of us are figuring it out."
"This must happen a lot though, with students at these circles they force mages into? Maybe they have information that can help."
"Vivienne spent a fair portion of her life in a circle, and while bouts of uncontrolled magic happened, there were templars to intervene. I would rather avoid that with you if we can. The way in which they shut down magic is, well, it can be rather brutal. If we must go that route, it will be a last resort."
"So it'll be a while before I can try healing Mr. Loewe again."
Solas nodded. "On that note. Healing an injury that has already healed is usually ineffective. I'm surprised you managed what you did."
"It felt different," she agreed.
"It's not supposed to feel different. It's not supposed to work at all."
"Cassandra told me people are saying I perform miracles of healing," she looked to him, almost imploringly. "But I can't be the first, surely. There have to be other mages who can do this, those that specialise in healing. Or what about in the Fade memories you see? There must have been others in the past."
"There was one that I know of," he admitted. It wasn't something he had seen in the Fade. It was something he had witnessed firsthand. A... friend of his, from thousands of years ago. From... before. "There was an elven mage; he regrew a lost finger. It took everything in him to do it; his magic was depleted for days, and the process had taken hours. As far as I know, he never performed such a feat again."
He had vanished, presumed killed in battle years later. Nothing left of him to cremate.
"He was a great mage?" She asked.
"Very powerful, yes. This was from before the fall of Arlathan. I am unsure what fate ultimately befell him." Solas stood up, making to leave. "Rest, da'len."
-
Holli obeyed Solas, for the most part, about giving both her body and her magic a rest. The only slip was when she'd seen Varric. Cassandra had clocked him good after the whole Hawke thing. Holli had healed the black eye. She could hardly blame him; he was trying to protect his friend.
Hawke did agree to become Inquisitor. They had even held a ceremony for it, and now most people were partying it up and getting drunk.
There was a bit of an uneasiness; the last time they had celebrated something, Corypheus had attacked. While most believed he wouldn't try again—after all, he couldn't take the anchor from Holli, and Skyhold was much more defensible than Haven had been—there was still that sliver of fear he might.
Josephine had done well in organising the event, inviting nobles and merchants from both Orlais and Ferelden, getting the great hall decorated, and enough food to feed everyone. At the last minute, Holli had been informed she would be participating in this thing. She'd had to hand over the sword—some kind of symbol of his new position. And apparently her doing it was supposed to signify her approval of the appointment, as she was the Herald of Andraste. If she was chosen by Andraste, and Hawke was welcomed by the chosen of Andraste... It was ridiculous to her, but she understood it. Optics.
Josephine had shoved her into a pretty dress and Hawke into a fine doublet and breeches, even matching their clothes together to add to that unified front.
She had felt like she was knighting him, which was pretty cool. It still blew her away at times, that this was her life now. Sometimes she wanted to rail against it, deny it was true. And other times she was just amazed by it.
Although she was still researching, trying to figure out a way home, she could admit that she was going to miss the people here.
From her place lingering on the sidelines, she could see Varric speaking with Hawke and Fenris in front of the fireplace. Varric and Hawke were grinning, drinking. Fenris stood beside them, almost as if he was on guard. While she had spoken with Hawke a few times in the days he'd been here, she hadn't had much to do with Fenris. He was mostly quiet. She figured he was one of those difficult-to-crack people. But it was clear he loved Hawke.
Sera was sitting at one of the tables, surprisingly with some of the nobility. Maybe not so surprisingly. She seemed to be playing some kind of betting game and making some money out of them. They probably had plenty to spare.
Bull was there, at a table with his Chargers, the rowdiest table of the bunch. And nearby, Josephine didn't look happy about it. Cullen had been here, but he'd left, claiming work responsibilities. She didn't know where Leliana was, but she was no doubt lingering nearby in case of trouble.
Holli shifted uncomfortably in the dress. It was pretty, but the inside was a bit scratchy. She had never been one for dresses, but she had already picked out her dress for the formal at the end of the school year. It was one of the reasons she had gotten a part-time job, so she could buy it. No way could she rely on her mum to do it. But what Josephine had put her in today was more... renaissance faire than school formal.
"Bored already?" Dorian sidled up beside her, goblet of wine in his hand.
"Little bit," she replied. "You too? You're here talking to me."
"Not at all. I did notice you standing apart. There are a fair few people here who want to speak with you."
"I know, I'm trying to avoid them. Especially if you're talking about Lord Farquaad over there."
"I believe his name is Lord Orville Abiate," Dorian corrected.
Yes, but he looked like Lord Farquaad. Man, she wished her phone worked so she could show him a picture. If she could, she'd make the entire Inquisition watch the movie.
"He is a bit dull though, isn't he?"
"He talks to me like I'm stupid while staring at my chest. At first I thought it was because he was so... vertically challenged."
Dorian snorted amusement at that, right into his cup.
"But even when I sat down, he kept staring. I don't even have much to look at."
Dorian conceded that point. She certainly wasn't spilling out of her dress like some of the other ladies in attendance.
"Best to keep your distance from him then. He comes near you; find a safe adult."
Holli shot him a look, half amused, half unimpressed. "I could take him."
"Of that I've no doubt," he said. Especially if she were using magic to do so. "But think of the others who would love nothing more than to at least get a punch in."
Holli huffed a little laugh.
"Come, dearest, let's mingle. Introduce me to the new Inquisitor; I've yet to meet him but heard such tales."
"From Varric's book?"
"Among other places."
Dorian offered his arm, and Holli took it, walking with him over to Hawke, Varric, and Fenris. Fenris was the first to notice them, Hawke noticing his notice.
"Holli Herald," Hawke greeted jovially.
"Rebellion Inciter," Holli greeted in turn, a sickly sweet smile on her face.
Hawke just laughed it off.
"This is Dorian," Holli introduced. "Dorian, Hawke, and Fenris."
"A pleasure," Dorian said, giving off a flamboyant bow.
"Sparkler here managed to beat Corypheus to Haven just in time to warn us," Varric said.
"Not that it did much good," Dorian added.
"You saved a bunch of people at the gates," Holli pointed out.
"I did do that, didn't I?"
Holli slipped away as they launched into conversation about the attack that day. It wasn't a day she liked thinking about, given it was the first time she had used her magic to kill someone. He hadn't been a monster like the red templars she'd set on fire at Therinfal. It had been in defence of herself and Adan, but it was a memory she preferred to repress.
As she returned to her out-of-the-way spot, she felt a presence beside her and instantly knew it was Cole. She turned to look at him, offering a smile.
"Hi, Cole," she greeted.
He nodded, his eyes scanning the Great Hall.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
He opened his mouth to speak, but it was like he couldn't find the words. His eyes scanned the crowd gathered.
"Hardly anyone here says what they mean," he finally manages. "So many lies in one room."
"Is anyone planning to hurt anyone?" She asked quietly.
He shook his head. "But they wish harm."
"On who?"
"Some on you. Some on Inquisitor Hawke. There is a man who wishes to tie Cullen to a bed and whip him."
Holli let out a low laugh. "Is it that man? With the big green feather in his weird-looking hat?"
Cole nodded.
"Yeah, that's not so much harm as... the man's got a crush or something on Cullen."
"Crush?"
What would they call it here? "Has the hots for? Fancies him? Wants to slob his knob?"
"Fancies him. Like Cassandra's novels."
This perked Holli's interest. "What novels?"
"'Her breath caught in her throat as he closed the distance between them. His strong hands cupped her face, his thumbs tracing the delicate line of her jaw. She leaned into his touch, her eyes fluttering shut as his thumbs brushed against the sensitive skin of her neck, sending shivers of pleasure through her.'"
"No freaking way," she hissed, grabbing Cole's shoulders with a wide grin on her face. "That's Swords and Shields! Cassandra reads them?"
Holli had read them back in Haven, practice as she learnt to read the language of this place. Varric's novels were surprisingly smutty.
Cole nodded in answer to her question.
"Oh my God, I love it," she laughed, letting Cole go. Then she remembered why they were talking. "But back to you. Do the lies bother you?"
"They're sharp. Something that cuts like glass in them," he explained.
Holli nodded her understanding. She wasn't sure she would like to be able to read minds the way Cole experienced it. He didn't seem to just hear; he felt as well.
She offered her hand to him. "Shall we go for a walk?"
Cole stared at it a moment before taking it with a nod.