When the light became too bothersome for my eyelids to shut away, I was on top of Alijah's fluffy fur. We had spent two days like newlyweds on a camping trip. Even though we should've been resting after everything that had happened, we had barely done so.
Instead, we held each other whenever we could, to the point I felt off without him in me. This was the first time I woke up clothed while we were on this lake. Though Alijah's fur was too comfy to let go, my tummy rumbled, giving me away.
Noticing I was awake, he shifted back into his humanoid form, and I found myself on him.
"Morning." He smirked, caressing my cheeks as they burned because of his affection.
Stupid stomach...
Everything that had happened was surreal to me. Almost as if I were stuck in a dream, and if I was, I didn't want to wake up. All the marks I had done to him were gone.
Well, they vanished hours after I made them, and so were mine.
"Morning," I mumbled, struggling to shake away the sleepiness.
He chuckled, tugging me into a kiss, to which I responded immediately. It was brief as he pulled away, leaving me somewhat dazed where I was.
Is anything of this real? Or am I still dreaming back in Wyatt's bed? Or Am I dead? One of those things has to be it. Right?
My body felt like it wasn't mine anymore as my underwear was drenched with everything Alijah poured into me. The warmth I felt after a simple act of affection was unreal. Ever since this wolf ingested the drug, I felt like I had fallen into an illusion—one I couldn't wake up from.
Nor do I want to.
"I'm going to go hunt something for us. Stay here, okay?" He announced.
Wyatt's food had run out last night, which meant if we wanted to eat, he had to get some substance for us. I nodded in acknowledgment before he was gone.
The past two days were something. How can I ever come back from this?
After our moment in the lake, we held each other until the sun came out. We only stopped when we had to eat or other necessities came to pass. I could barely believe everything that had happened.
As I said, it feels surreal. It's as if I'm living a fantasy, which it is, but this isn't my life.
Every time Alijah left my side, I couldn't help but wonder how I compared to her or anyone else he held.
Am I good? Am I bad? Is this enough?
It wasn't very pleasant since this was the first time I had experienced anything like this.
Ah... I'm such a mess inside, and not only that.
My jealousy of Lilith was growing with each taste I had of Alijah.
Why... couldn't I have been born in your time? Would I have a chance for your heart, then? How did you hold Lilith? Is it the same way you embrace me? No, it's probably more loving with more desire. Ah... It hurts.
My heart grew darker with each thought as the insecurities ate me alive.
Hey Alijah, can it be me? Can I win your heart in the end, please? I don't know if I can let you go safely after this.
Every time I told him how I felt, he would kiss me. If it were to shut me up or because of something else, I wouldn't know. After all, once Lilith came, all this would end.
A bridge we'll cross once it arrives. I'm just a good time for you, aren't I?
There was no point in hoping to be his true love.
That was already decided long before I was born! Perhaps if I had met you before, you would have known her. Maybe then I would've had a shot. Damn it! This is just so unfair!
With my wolf gone, all the surrounding orbs appeared around me. Their comments tried to flood my already troubled mind as I had forgotten to put my headphones on. Most of them I could ignore.
All but one... One... broke me.
Ah... It's so beautiful to love like this. An orb commented, triggering my heart to sting in ways I never knew were possible.
Is that what it looks like? Like you love me? What a joke… I'm just a rare plaything you found! You're love is Lilith! She isn't me! No matter how many times I tell you how I feel about you, no matter how many times you fuck me, that will never change.
All I was to him couldn't have been more than a doll to play with until she came along.
"He... isn't in love with me. I'm just a warm body he can fuck." I snapped at all their comments of love.
I'm just a body to wash away all the wrong things done to you.
I covered my ears, trying to hold back the tears.
These moments of fantasy are all they will ever be. If I allow myself to think otherwise, I'll be an idiot.
I had to harden my heart somehow, but Alijah melted it every time I attempted to close it off to him.
I'm doomed to feel agony when all is set and done. Or can I ever let go of the feelings you filled me with each time your skin touches mine?Ah… I'm going crazier with each moment that passes.Rem... the moment should be enough.Just store it somewhere safe. So, when it's gone, you can relive it.
In that space, that was ours.
Ah... come to think of it. I haven'tlucid dreamed with Alijah since he came into our time.
My last dream like that with him was the day before he arrived in our timeline.
Will I lose the dreams where you were mine?
Tears streaked down my cheeks when I noticed I wasn't ready for this. Not that I would ever be. These emotions were my downfall.
Why does it have to be a man who'll never love me in return? It hurts! I… I want to feel your love, too!
I thought this trip would make me hate him, but I loved him more with each day we spent together. Suddenly, I was in his arms as the dangerous warmth surrounded me. He had come back from his hunt to find me sobbing where he had left me.
"Rem, what's the matter?" Alijah's voice broke.
My breath hitched as I turned towards him before burying my face on his chest.
I can't tell what a facade or reality is anymore. You genuinely sound concerned about me.
Yet this all could've been an act that led me to remove the bond from him.
All of this can be a buff. I know that!
After all, the Alijah that Mom recounted was twisted by his hatred. There was no way this wolf would let go of it just like that.
Mainly because of me, your most hated clan!I'm a Silver Fang! There's no way you… That I… I can…
This wolf should've been full of hate towards me, yet the words he told me that night felt real.
Ah… Are you going to play me to your tune, my love? Damn it, get a grip, Rem.
This wolf knew about my feelings, yet at least I could keep my insecurities from him.
"They were overwhelming me." I lied, smothering myself on him.
"What?" Alijah mumbled, shifting his gaze, trying to find what ailed me.
I held onto him, forgetting that he couldn't see them unless it was through my magic. Behind him were a pair of dead pheasant he had hunted in the forest surrounding the lake.
You're a better hunter than Dad, if I'm honest.
"The ghosts," I mumbled, finding peace in his arms, which were so warm.
Be mine... Alijah.
My love was becoming more painful with each passing day. I wondered if this was how it would be until we met her—the one who would end it for me once and for all.
"Oh, okay... Well, I'm here. They don't bother you while I'm around, right?" Alijah asked, pulling my face up towards him.
His fingers wiped away my tears as I couldn't help but lean into his touch.
Everything you do seems genuine, but I can't allow myself to fall entirely.
It would be foolish to be tricked by the wicked wolf.
Though, I want to be deceived by you.
"They're almost mute while you're here," I simpered, prompting him to smile too.
Why Alijah... Why make me feel this way? When you'll never respond the way I want you to.
"I see. They weren't as bad the past two days, though." He paused, narrowing his eyes at me before a soft sigh left his lips. "Either way, stay close, and next time, put your headphones on, okay?"
I nodded as he patted my hair as if I were a tiny pup in his eyes.
Will I have to give up the warmth you give me? Of course, I'll have to. Get a grip, Rem. Remember… I'm not the main girl in your heart.
It was ridiculous to think I could have him.
"I completely forgot about them! Alijah-tan, you kind of fucked my brains out yesterday." I joked, forcing myself to smile.
He shook his head, letting go of my face.
"Don't do that." He breathed, stepping away from me, which left me cocking my head.
"What?" I mumbled.
He picked up the birds from where he had dropped them.
"Don't force yourself to smile when you don't want to. It looks weird on you." Alijah rolled his eyes as I blinked, unable to think of a single word to say to him.
Before I heard a single sound, his gaze found me, and a wary smile rose on his lips. "I mean, if you want to cry, just do it. You don't have to fake your emotions with me. I'll also do the same with you, Rem."
This wolf...
I couldn't contain my emotions again.
How... just how do you know how I feel?
"Alijah-tan, can you read minds?" I gasped, trying to hold on to my tears.
I couldn't understand what this meant and didn't let myself. It was something I couldn't allow because if I read into it, it would leave me helpless against him.
Just how long have you been watching me to notice that? From the first night? No... No... Rem... don't become a fool. This wolf can't… love you.
He would never care for me the way I wanted; even if he did, it would be a fleeting moment.
Though can I live with that? With a fleeting moment, like I was for Aunty Amelia?
"What? No, if I could, you wouldn't be puzzling to me. Rem, stop calling me that!" He rolled his eyes, shaking his head again.
For a moment, there was silence, but he quickly broke it, releasing a slight chuckle. "I wish I could read your little mind, though."
I couldn't hold myself back when I saw that genuine smile on his lips. The false hope that he would care for me rushed through my head. Before I realized it, I had his shirt in my fists, pulling myself up to meet with his lips.
My tongue roamed his lips, causing him to drop the birds onto the ground again and grip the back of my head. He opened his mouth to let me in, but I could only play with him briefly. Sadly, he drew away soon after.
"Rem... aren't you hungry?" Alijah asked, licking his lower lip, prompting me to drag him back into another light peck.
This time, I nibbled gently on his lower lip, which caused him to breathe heavily.
Ah… You're holding yourself back, aren't you? Is it because of my grumbling tummy? Or is it something else?
He probably didn't desire to hold me anymore, but I wanted him.
"What if I choose to eat you first?" I asked.
It hurt to try to hold back after hearing that come from Alijah. Even if it was a lie, it was one that I wanted to believe. A facade that he had been watching me close enough to know when I laughed and smiled genuinely.
Upon hearing my intention, my wolf bit onto his lip before tugging me into a kiss, which I returned happily. For a few moments, our tongues intertwined before he drew away, lapping my lip. He held my head in place, preventing me from following him for more.
I could barely understand anything anymore because of the tease of having him so close.
"I don't want you to faint from not eating. So, I'll give you plenty of me to eat after I prepare the birds and place them on the fire. Does that sound good?" Alijah smirked.
Damn, you really know how to play me to your tune. I'm utterly helpless.
"Okay," I nodded, triggering another smile erupt from him.
"Adorable," He mumbled, pulling away from me once again.
I couldn't help but grip my chest, feeling a bit rejected, but before that thought could settle, Alijah sighed before turning back to me.
"Don't just stand there. Help me, and it'll go way faster. I mean, unless..." He tried to tease me, only for me to stop him in his tracks.
"I'll help!" I declared, running to him.
He chuckled, leaving me feeling like I was walking on clouds. Before I fell off the roof, Dad taught me to prepare different prey. However, I rarely did the skinning, as my brothers and Dad usually did that during our camping trips.
My inexperience quickly showed, which caused Alijah to get closer to inspect my plucking technique.
"You really suck at that," he pointed out.
I glared at him in return for his comment. "Excuse me!"
"Just mimic what I'm doing. Later, I'll also show you how to prepare fish and skin animals." He added with a slight cackle.
I nodded, feeling excited about him teaching me. My tail wagged a bit as I attempted to follow his lead.
Right now… do we look like a couple? Can I believe this is real?