Soooo…. Sorry I've been gone for so long. To be honest, I lost all motivation to write this story and to do generally anything else for a little bit, I thought I was depressed. But I regained my motivation… And then I got sick, I can barely even fucking breathe. Next chapter is barely even started, so take this non-canon BS I conjured about 2 months ago that I cleaned up a little.
(Third Person POV)
(Scene: James' room)
(James's POV)
I'm lying on my bed alone right now after everybody got done eating. Vaggie didn't want to train today, so she told me to take the day off. Nifty was out doing something that she just giggled about when I asked her and told me it was a surprise. Amery's hanging out with Charlie downstairs, surprisingly… I think it's about time I stop putting it off.
I sit up in my bed, looking up at empty air. "Yo system, what'll happen when I use Ghost With the Most? Will Beetlejuice take over my body or something?"
[Not Beetlejuice exactly, host. But a new ego will temporarily take over your body.]
"So what'll this guy that's going to take me over be like?"
[It's a carbon copy of your personality; the only thing that would be changed would be that it is very scatterbrained and is bad at planning, along with acting like a cartoon character. Do not fret; he wouldn't do anything you wouldn't do.]
I scratched my head, retrieved my diary from my shadow, and started to write down some objectives for my alternate personality to do. "Okay, number one: make something that can read Roo's mind or intentions. Number two: make something that'll hide my mind or intentions from her. Number three—I underline this one crazily; I know that even my sane self can't help doing this.
STAY OUT OF TROUBLE!
I get up and put my diary on the headboard of my bed, its pages spread wide open. "Okay, system. How do I use the power? Do I say my name three times or what?"
[Kind of like that. Cover your eyes with one hand and chant your name 5 times. You should be taken over by the fifth word.]
My hand shakily goes up to my eyes as I try to steel myself. No matter how much I trust the system, it's definitely not the best thing in the world to have yourself taken over. Is this what Yuji feels whenever Sukuna takes over?
"James Richardson"
My heart beats in my chest loudly, clanging against my ribs like a hammer on nails.
"James Richardson"
My hand actually starts to tremble as I try and focus on continuing. I feel my heart slow down, though definitely not out of relaxation.
"James Richardson."
My legs trembled as I tried to steady myself on the wall, leaning on it and sliding down and taking down greedy lungfuls of air. I could swear I could feel my heart slowing down even more. I know athletes have very slow heartbeats, but this was definitely unhealthy.
"James Richardson"
I was suffocating. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe!I COULDN'T BREATHE! My vision swam as my last sight was the tinge of green on my hand, not even being able to form a thought.
(Third Person POV)
James' body falls to the ground, unmoving; his hand somehow stays upon his eyes. His heart eventually stops beating, becoming a lifeless corpse on the ground for a brief period of time. After a few minutes he starts to move again with uncanny movements, standing up straight and stretching far more than what James is normally able to do; loud sounds of his back cracking emanate from the room as 'James' sighs in satisfaction.
He looks down at his clothes, scoffing before starting to rapidly spin around, his previous clothes getting torn off and strewn across the room before he comes to a stop, now adorned in a monochrome pinstripe suit.
"Now, this is a look."
James' walks over and grabs the diary, reading down what his original body owner wrote: 'Hide from Roo, read Roo, I get the whole shebang.' He covers his mouth as he yawns, throwing the diary over his shoulder and onto the bed. "But first, I need to have a night out on the town; my religion wouldn't forgive me otherwise."
Suddenly, a picture of Nifty's backside appears above James' door, where he gets on his knees and genuinely prays before getting up. 'I really love adonitology.' He thinks before walking out, seeing Vaggie in the middle of knocking on his door. "Oh James, I was about to…" She looks down and sees his new outfit. "...Okay, what the f&%$ are you wearing… What the f&%$?"
She looks down at her hands in confusion. "Vaggie, Vaggie, Vaggie." James tut-tut-tuts out, waving his finger before disappearing behind her while putting his arm over her shoulder. "Don't you know you can't swear in this Christian Minecraft server? But to answer your question, I wanted to try something new, y'know? Building my brand and all of that—you can't do that just being yourself all the time, you know?"
"No, I don't know. Now why the h%#$ can't I swear?" Vaggie angrily yells at James. "I already told you, Vaggie Waggie, no swearing on my Christian Minecraft server. If you keep doing this, you'll have to go in." He frantically looks around before leaning close to Vaggie, their noses almost touching. "The corner," Thunder booms outside, emphasizing James' words.
Vaggie puts her hand up, ready to yell at and hit James, but freezes, visibly shaking before taking a deep breath, putting her hand down, pinching the bridge of her nose while her fist tightens, narrowing her eyes at him. "Tomorrow's training, I'm beating you harder than a high schooler getting a computer for the first time." She angrily stomps away.
"Don't threaten me with a good time, Vagina!" James calls out, yet before Vaggie could respond to him, she turned around and only saw a dust cloud in James' shape that dissipated before she could even process what he said.
(29 Minutes Later)
James walked back in the hotel a bit different than before. His head was currently being chewed on by a large fish, his suit had countless burn marks, and his face was adorned with black lipstick kiss marks brought on by Nifty, who was standing next to him in an extravagant blue dress.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" He says, looking up to the ceiling. "THIS HAD SO MUCH STORY POTENTIAL AND YOU JUST SKIPPED IT!?" He stomps over to a rotary phone with the label [Author's hotline] on it before dialing 8-0-0-8-2.
"Hello? Hello, hello!"
Yeah, what do you want?
"I'm calling to make a complaint about a SHITTY AUTHOR."
What the fuck did I do?
"You completely skipped over, like, all of my adventures. The fight between me and Uriel, Vaggie confessing her feelings to me, me and Charlie having a domain clash—all of that just skipped over!?"
STOP SPOILING MY DAMN STORY, YOU FUCK.
"You also even—" He brings his hand up to his face like a grieving widow".—skipped over the 4k-word sex scene between me and Nifty. It was glorious!"
OH MY GOD, SHUT THE HELL UP!
"There was a huge bed, candles, roses, dub-con, large breasts, huge cock—"
YOU'RE JUST NAMING AO3 TAGS NOW.
"My point is that you didn't even fucking try!"
Well, I don't know how to write smut all that well, alright?
"You could've tried, you lazy dickhead."
Look, I don't need to be talking to some coked-up alternate personality of my OC that only has 10 seconds left to live.
"SUCK MY DICK, GIMME MORE TIME."
5…4…3…2
"YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!"
His suit slowly faded, the crazed look in his eye becoming calmer and calmer as he stood completely still, so still you could think he was asleep while standing. His eyes slowly blinked, and the real James came back, looking around and seeing himself holding a whole lot of nothing.
"What the hell just happened!??!?"
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(Shameless plug: Ko-fi.com/mrlegantrop)
Who's up juicing their beetle right now?– Beetlejuice Beetlejuice