Location: UNSC Field Hospital, Avenport, Virek
Date and Time: March 29, 2553 – 0900 Hours
The morning light filters through the blinds, casting long shadows across the room. I've been here for what feels like forever, but it's only been a few days. Days that have stretched out longer than they should, leaving me restless and eager to get back to my squad.
I've been healing well, the doctors say. Another week or so and I should be cleared to return to active duty. But that's the thing—I don't want to wait another week. Every day I'm stuck here feels like I'm letting Bravo Fireteam down, like I'm leaving them out there to fight without me.
But then there's Emily.
She's been by my side every day, checking in, making sure I'm healing, talking with me in those quiet moments between rounds. And in those moments, I feel something different—something I haven't felt since the war started. It's not just about survival with her. It's… more.
She comes in, as usual, her smile warm as she carries a fresh set of bandages. "Good morning, Kowalski," she says, her voice soft. "How's the pain today?"
"Manageable," I reply, trying to sound tougher than I feel. The truth is, I still ache, but not enough to keep me down.
Emily gives me a knowing look as she starts changing the bandages on my side. "You're healing fast," she says, her hands gentle but efficient. "But don't push yourself too hard. You still need time."
I nod, but inside, my mind is racing. Time is something I don't feel like I have. The squad is out there, fighting, and I'm stuck in this bed.
"I need to get back out there," I say, my voice tight with frustration. "I can't just sit here while they're risking their lives."
Emily pauses, her hands hovering over the bandage for a moment before she looks up at me. There's something in her eyes—concern, maybe, but also something deeper. "I know you feel like you need to be with them," she says quietly. "But if you push yourself too soon, you'll only end up back here. Or worse."
Her words hit hard, and I can't argue with her logic. She's right. I know she's right. But that doesn't make it any easier.
"It's just…" I trail off, not sure how to explain the weight on my shoulders. The responsibility I feel to Bravo Fireteam, to the men and women who have fought beside me. "They need me."
Emily finishes with the bandage, stepping back and folding her arms across her chest. "And what about you? What do you need?"
The question catches me off guard. What do I need? I haven't thought about that in a long time. Not since the war started. Not since everything became about survival and duty.
"I need to be there for them," I say, but even as the words leave my mouth, I know there's more to it. I need to be with my squad, yes. But part of me… part of me doesn't want to leave here. Doesn't want to leave her.
Emily doesn't press me, but I can see the understanding in her eyes. She knows. She can see the conflict in me, even if I don't want to admit it. "It's okay to want both," she says softly. "To want to fight for your squad and… to have something more."
Her words hang in the air between us, and I feel my chest tighten. She's right. I do want both. But how can I? How can I balance the demands of this war with the possibility of something… personal?
We fall into a comfortable silence as she finishes her work, but my mind is anything but comfortable. I've never been good at this—at figuring out what I want outside of being a soldier. The war has always been clear. It's always been the one thing I knew how to handle. But this?
This is different. This is something I can't control.
Emily gives me a small smile as she steps back. "You're doing well, Kowalski. Just give it a little more time."
I nod, but inside, I'm torn. How much more time can I give?
Location: UNSC Field Hospital, Avenport, Virek
Date and Time: March 30, 2553 – 1200 Hours
Another day passes, and the conflict inside me only grows. Every time I hear a report about the fighting on the front, my gut twists with the need to be out there, to do my part. But every time Emily walks into the room, that need shifts, softens.
She's here again, sitting beside my bed as we talk about nothing and everything. It's easy with her—easy to forget about the war for a little while. Easy to just be.
But that's the problem. The war is still out there, and I can't ignore it. I can't pretend like it's not pulling me in two different directions.
"You're quiet today," Emily says, her eyes searching mine.
"Just thinking," I reply, my voice low. "About the squad. About getting back out there."
She nods, her expression thoughtful. "I know it's hard. But you need to be at your best when you go back. They need you whole, not half-healed and reckless."
I lean back against the pillows, frustration bubbling up inside me. "I get it. But it's not just about being ready. It's about…" I stop, unsure how to explain the weight of it all. The need to be out there, to prove myself, to keep them safe.
Emily watches me for a moment, her gaze steady. "You're a good leader, Kowalski. I've seen that in the way you talk about your squad. But being a leader means knowing when to step back, when to take care of yourself. If you don't, you won't be any good to them."
Her words cut through the noise in my head, and for a moment, I let them sink in. She's right. I've been so focused on getting back to the fight that I haven't stopped to think about what it's doing to me.
But there's still something else. Something unspoken between us. I can feel it every time she looks at me, every time we talk. It's subtle, but it's there.
"Emily," I start, my voice quieter now, "I don't know how to balance this. The squad… and whatever this is." I gesture between us, feeling awkward and unsure.
Her expression softens, and for a moment, there's a flicker of something vulnerable in her eyes. "You don't have to figure it all out right now," she says gently. "We've got time."
The words bring a strange sense of relief. Time. It's not something I'm used to thinking about. The war has made everything urgent, immediate. But maybe she's right. Maybe we do have time.
"Thanks," I say, giving her a small smile. "I guess I needed to hear that."
She smiles back, the warmth in her eyes making me feel lighter than I have in days. "You're welcome."
As she stands to leave, I feel the pull again—the conflict between wanting to get back to my squad and wanting to stay here, to explore whatever this is between us. It's not an easy choice. But for now, I'll take it one day at a time.