November 01
I did my morning routine and wore a sleeveless cropped vest with a half-zip design in a neutral beige color. A Nike sporty windbreaker with a mix of navy and beige colors. Nike Loose-fitting navy color joggers with white piping along the legs. Chunky Nike sneakers in an off-white color. A pair of black, over-ear Sony headphones. 2 low ponytails with each double braided, and a Nike black side bag and silver jewelry.
I went to JYP Entertainment. I was watching ITZY, the new girl group, practicing their choreography. I watch them practice their title song, Dalla Dalla. I have already told them that whenever I am there as their co-producer, I will be strict.
"Yuna, be with your theme," I said, since she made a few cute faces. The company has already found its theme. Except for Lia, everyone should have a charismatic theme with a strong stage presence. Not only their choreography, but the most important task I got was to make their stage presence.
Yeji and Ryujin are not that much trouble, but the other three are the ones who should teach it. Of course, they are good. It's good enough to compare with an experienced group, but for me, they are still far behind.
I saw Lia make a few mistakes, and I just sighed since they were practicing for a long time without a rest. I clapped taking their attention and pausing the song. I looked at the time, and my time arranged for the girls was over.
"Take a rest, and after the rest, practice more. Make your own culture in your performance." I went to the door and walked to the boy's room after grabbing my bag.
When I opened the door, a few were running around, and Chan and Seungmin were drinking water in the middle of the room. Seems like Chan had taught Seungmin some dance moves.
"Had a great time?" I asked, and everyone looked at me. I bowed a little to their manager, acknowledging his presence, and he did the same.
"Jagiya~~" Hyunjin ran towards me, and I pressed my lips. To my surprise, he bumped into Seungmin, who was drinking water, and the bottle fell to the ground. Seungmin picked it, cursing Hyunjin a little. My focus was on the water on the floor.
I felt intense fear and panic. I felt I had made a big mistake. I felt like it was a threat that I had, and I wanted to avoid seeing it and focus on Hyunjin, who was running towards me, and soon he hugged me.
"You didn't answer my call in the morning," He complained, and my focus went back to the water. I felt like vomiting everything inside me. My chest tightened, and I started sweating; my heartbeat rose rapidly, and I had difficulty breathing. I keep having blurry images and hearing people around me calling my name. They were nightmares I saw overnight, but they were clearer than any day.
"Yeim, you okay?" Hyunjin asked, breaking the hug, and I shook my head to lose consciousness.
November 02
I woke up to see Xingyi beside me. As I remembered what happened, I took a heavy breath, and it made Xingyi wake up.
"You woke up?" She said and pressed the button to call the doctor.
"You didn't tell my mom, right?" I asked.
"No, I didn't, but I had to say something about it to Mrs. Lee, Mrs. Hwang, and also your cousin."
Right away, a doctor and a nurse came inside. Till they checked things, I looked at the time, and it was 12.05 a.m.
"Do you feel anything wrong?" The doctor asked, and I shook my head.
"Can you tell me what happened? They said you just lose consciousness suddenly. We did a few tests, but we couldn't find anything wrong with your body. Did you go through something traumatic?" He asked. I look at Xingyi.
"He is the special doctor sent to take care of you by your grandma," Xingyi said.
"She knows?" I asked, and Xingyi nodded.
"Seems like someone had eyes on you, and she called me and asked what happened." I nod.
"Yeah, I had an accident a few years ago, and I feel afraid whenever I see water on a clear floor, but I don't feel fear of any other water resources. I just feel afraid when I see water on the floor. I will have blurry memories of what happened on that day," I said to the doctor.
"So, can you tell me what happened?" He asked and I shook my head.
"I lost my memories for a few months, and until now I can't remember anything, but I will have a blurry image, and one thing I see is water on the floor," I explained.
"Tell me more," He said, and I looked at the nurse, and the doctor signaled her to go away.
"Can you also not tell all of my conditions to my relatives?" I asked.
"I will protect my patient's privacy," I nod. "You don't have to tell many things. I think you're phycological traumatic because of the accident. I will introduce you to a specialist on that side." I nod again, and I scratch my eye a little since I feel a little itchy.
"Also, I have already said this to your guardian. I haven't seen this with many Asians. Somehow you're allergic to tears," He said, and I was shocked at first and then looked at him like, 'Are you kidding me?'
"You haven't met with this situation before?" He asked, and I shook my head.
"But we have checked a few times, and you're allergic to your tears. When did you last cry? Did you find that at least your eyes were itchy or something that day?" He asked and I shook my head.
"So there weren't such things last time. Maybe we can go through a few more checks," He said.
"I mean, I haven't cried for many years, and my nanny said even when I was just born, I haven't cried like a regular infant, and now I think it over. I think I have never cried," I said.
"I see. Although I haven't met with this situation before, maybe because you aren't used to tears, your eyes show this reaction. Maybe when you get used to tears, this will not happen. However, I have written down some medicine. Take it, and you can go back home the afternoon after one more check," He said, and I nodded.
"I can eat, right?" I asked, and he chuckled,d, nodding.
"Of course." He said and went away, and I looked at Xingyi, and she understood I was hungry. She took out a meal box and opened it, giving me a fork, and I started eating.
"Boys was here till the evening and I send them away. Also, Mrs. Lee and Mrs. Hwang will visit you in the morning. And for your cousin, he said he would come right after he was done with practice. He was going to come right away, but I said you're okay." I nodded, eating food.
I nearly choked because of the banging on the door to the hospital. A masked man came inside, and I found it was Koo. Soon, the door was closed, and I gave the meal box to Xingyi.
"You came?" I asked.
"You scared us. Are you okay?" I nod. "Hyung's also was worried" I nod again. He looks at me angrily. "Can't you take care of yourself?" He asked and I just pouted.
He dragged me into a hug. After letting go and asking many things, I sent him away when it was nearly 1.00 a.m. I also told him he better not come to the hospital and get unwanted attention, and I could go back in the afternoon.
"You sleep a little since you're sleepy. I will call if there is any need," I said, and she nodded and went to the sofa to sleep.
I just took my phone to see many notifications, and I replied to each one. There are messages from SKZ and also BTS members. I thanked everyone for their concern and replied. I took out my earphones and started listening to songs.
I think I went to slumber and I woke up at 6.00 a.m. I became fresh and went to do the last check so I could go to the apartment after the results came out.
I waited in the room with Xingyi, and my mother, Lee, was the first one to come to see me. Taeyong also came with her. Then Aunt Hwang also came, and they went away around 8 a.m., leaving T., anyone who was waiting for his manager to pick him up. Right after the others went away, he looked at me.
"What happened?" Taeyong asked.
"Do you wish me to believe that you lost consciousness because you neglected your health and didn't eat anything?" He said, and I sighed. "You will never neglect your health; I know it," He said.
"I was traumatized by what happened back in SM," I said, and he looked at me. "I have aqua phobia, but I only feel this whenever I see water on a clear floor," he said, and he just pressed his lips.
"I see," He said and caressed my head, and I just leaned on his chest, finding comfort. I am not down because of these things; there is only one thing I am troubled about. It was what happened to me that year, and who caught me. Is it just the illusion I see in my dreams? I want to know about this, but I wasn't that much troubled by it.
To my surprise, the door opened again and closed behind us, and I let go of Taeyong and looked at who had come. It was Hyunjin Felix and their assistant manager.
"I asked you not to come," I said, and the assistant manager just awkwardly smiled.
"Everyone wants to come, and finally, Hyunjin decided to come with Felix," the Assistant manager said, and I just sighed when they took off their masks.
"You may know each other!" I said, leaning on Taeyong, who sat down in my bed.
"Hyunjin, this is Taeyong, my oppa. Oppa, this is Hyunjin and Felix from Stray Kids. And their assistant manager" They shared a small bow.
The assistant manager gave what they brought to Xingyi, and she thanked them. They sat down on the sofa. Hyunjin was pouting.
"You must go since you may be busy," I said, and he firmly shook his head.
"Oppa, can you remember my friend I found in Seoul back then?" I said, and he went to think and nodded.
"It's Hyunjin. You met her mother earlier," I said, and he didn't understand what I said. Felix whispered something to Hyunjin, and he glared at us.
"Mother came here?" Hyunjin asked, and I nodded. "You didn't tell me about your relationship with the senior," Hyunjin asked and looked at Taeyong. I left his arm and sat straight on the bed.
"What do you think?" I asked.
"Boyfriend?" Felix asked, and we all chuckled.
"No. Oppa. Elder brother. Did you understand?" I asked.
"You have an oppa?" Felix asked, and I nodded.
"It's complicated. Anyway, he is my brother, and I have one more." Felix looked at him and then at me. "I meant it's complicated. Anyway, he is my brother," I said.
"Assistant manager you should bring them back. I am okay. I can go after the check result comes out." He nods and looks at the two boys, and they stand with Hyunjin reluctant. They finally went away.
"Oppa, I am going to borrow your lap and can you caress my head," I said, sleeping in his lap.
Soon, my health report came, and Taeyong lied that he was waiting for his manager to come. He followed me to my apartment after the report was out.
After going to the apartment, I wash myself, changing into some sweatpants and a hoodie. I had male clothes filled one closet in one room in case of emergency and I let Taeyong use that room.
The remaining day just went like that, with not much disturbance.
November 03 - November 30
There were days when I stayed overnight at the studio, refusing to leave tasks unfinished. My dedication and perhaps stubbornness pushed me to the edge, but I couldn't bring myself to push the work to another day, even though I was hospitalized a few days ago.
Despite the chaos, I was determined to keep a healthy routine. I revamped my schedule, introducing small rituals to balance the insanity of my days. Each morning, I woke at 5 a.m., starting the day with a glass of lemon water and fresh fruit. From 5 to 6 a.m., I dedicated an hour to exercise and meditation, grounding myself before the frenzy began. I jogged when I had time, though more often than not, my schedule didn't allow it.
By 7 a.m., I was washed, dressed, and ready to take on the day. I made sure to have a strong cup of coffee to kickstart my morning, and I never skipped lunch, usually eaten between noon and 2 p.m., even if I had to sneak bites between meetings.
Evenings were for winding down, with a second drink to keep me going until dinner, which I managed to fit between 6 p.m. and 8 p.m. If I weren't trapped in a late-night work session, I would head to bed by midnight, ensuring all my clothes were put away and accessories neatly organized, and I would indulge in my skincare routine before finally closing my eyes.
The highlight of the month was a photo shoot for the trainees of the Universal Idol project. The uniform was striking, a playful yet polished ensemble of a pink skirt over pink shorts attached, paired with a white crop top under a matching pink jacket. My hair was styled in two braids, giving me a youthful but sophisticated look for the camera. The shoot felt like a brief moment of fun amid the chaos, a chance to step into a different role, if only for a few hours.
December 01 - December 15
Xingyi said she would prepare a school for me, and also, the first day of the training would be 16th, and Xingyi prepared everything I needed.
I accompanied Stay Kids to an award show and got caught by both Taeyong and Jungkook. I was following Stray Kids members with a tablet in my hand. I was literally all covered up.
That day, I wore black jeans, a black hoodie, black shoes, a black cap, and a black mask paired with silver accessories and silver color headphones.
Still, my name was called out, and when I looked at it was Taeyong with other NCT members. Then my name was again called out, and that time, it was the BTS members.
I had no comments or words to say anything. Because I never told any of them about my part-time job at JYP, and they were busy, and I thought it was pointless to say something trivial to them.
I just nod to them, acknowledging both groups' members. When they asked about it later, I said JYP gave me a chance to experience a backstage of an award show.
Another reason I don't want to let them know is that I will have no formal relationships with JYP after a few days.
I was given a free meal by almost everyone. For the whole month, I ate with more than 15 groups. In 15 days. I ate with my parents, my grandparents, my aunts, the Lee family, NCT, BTS, Stray Kids, JYP, and even my fellow trainees.
I was given gifts by everyone as a souvenir. I had to repeat myself for everyone like I am going for a survival show, not for Mars. The purpose of my dinner with JYP and JYP artists was that I had ended my training with JYP.
Taeyong gave me a necklace a single Akoya pearl gold necklace that was so pretty, and even Jungkook gave me a Polaroid camera and a notebook with a pen. I was right to think he was not that thoughtful. It was prepared by everyone in the BTS.
I also got a long grey and white cat plushie from my favorite member Yoongi. I also got a pair of shoes from Yeonjun, a friendship key tag from ITZY members, and many more.
I also colored my hair beneath silver peek-a-boo hair with silver light streaks.