Long before my eyes open, it is my ears that awaken first, enchanted by the morning song of birds whose species I probably do not know. At least, their voices are unfamiliar to me. Actually, everything in this forest is foreign to me, so that I have decided to forget everything I once knew and accept the new oddities as they come. Otherwise, it would be difficult to stay sane.
∼ What kind of bird could it be? Do they have four wings? Two beaks? Six legs? Perhaps they have fur instead of feathers? Maybe they glow in the dark or burrow into the ground like moles to dig out tiny worms. Perhaps all of this?
Ironically, my overactive imagination has caused my awakening. My eyes slowly open in the hope of seeing one of these strange creatures perched by my bedside, frantically singing its recital just for me. Naturally, nothing of the sort appears. The bluish light squinting my eyes does not come from a luminescent bird, but from the countless Mystra stones scattered along the trunks of the forest—modest little suns flooding the dormitory with their breath of life.
I sit up on my soft mattress and take a fresh look at the dormitory, which I had only vaguely observed the night before, in the dark, before collapsing from exhaustion. A simple and charming room, consisting of four walls and a roof, with a few beams for support. Nothing more, nothing less—except for the round window through which the messengers of light filter in, and the few hammocks stretched between the beams. The absence of a wardrobe, cupboard, or any belongings lying around catches my attention.
∼ Do these people own nothing?
The floor is as bare as the walls, dirtied only by my presence. The other futons have all been hastily folded and placed against the walls, a sign that the inhabitants here are early risers—or that I have slept far longer than usual. The cabin is made of light-colored wood, slightly aged in places, and…
∼ Huh? Why are my cheeks wet? Could it be that… I've been crying? But why? I remember having a dream last night, but I don't think it was a bad one. I believe I was in the cabin with the old man and… It's useless—I can't remember the rest.
It is very rare for me to remember my dreams. Usually, my nights are filled with terrible nightmares or abrupt awakenings, alerted by my sense of danger. Now that I think about it, this is also the first time I've felt safe since I left the cabin. That must be the reason of my burst of laughter last night, and the reason why I was able to sleep longer than the sun this morning, and…
∼ What's happening now? Is it the morning dew that makes these droplets run down my face?
Normally, I would be alarmed to have woken up so late, but this morning, perhaps for the first time in my life, nothing is urging me forward. I am almost tempted to stay like this a little longer, to savor this calm… and these tears. But suddenly, I remember that this is not my home, and my hosts are already awake. I promised Clarence we would finish our conversation this morning, and it would be rude to keep her waiting after she so generously welcomed me.
I stand up and take a few steps toward the round cavity that serves as a window. Unfortunately, the first trees marking the edge of the clearing are too far away for me to verify my theories about the forest birds. Looking down, I notice a round roof about ten meters in diameter, covering a flat stone slab. I had caught sight of this strange structure the day before, but only now do I understand its purpose. The Shinzuites are gathered there, sitting in meditation in perfect stillness. From my vantage point, I can make out Natsuki sited there, and I'm surprised to see how seriously he is taking the exercise. A few steps in front of him is Kana, as calm as a picture. She had left the table like a hurricane last night, but it seems the storm has cleared overnight. Seeing them meditate so diligently makes me want to train as well.
I descend the steps carved directly into the trunk one by one, marveling at this masterpiece of craftsmanship. Undertaking the task of carving corridors into this massive pillar of vegetation requires a boldness that commands admiration.
Once back on Earth, I find a discreet spot in the shade of a root and begin my usual exercises: Always start by warming up the joints. Then, do push-ups until the ground itself decides to crush my face. Next, squats until the sky flattens me to the earth. And finally, hang upside down from a branch by my legs and lift my torso to touch it before unfolding and starting over—until either the branch or my head hits the ground first. Once finished, repeat.
It was the old man who taught me this exercise routine—one I wouldn't exactly recommend—and whenever I was at my limit, questioning the purpose of this training, he would always repeat these words:
— My boy. If you want to survive in the wild, you must become stronger than nature. But for the simple reason that nature made us, it is impossible for us to surpass it. So all we can do is train every day of our lives until the very last. Do you understand, Ishizora?
When I asked him why he didn't train like I did, he would reply that he had already died once, and that laziness was the privilege of the deads. He used to say many things that made little sense, and even though I only understood a tenth of his words, I miss hearing his voice. After his death, they eventually made sense to me, and I realized the purpose of this training: It is impossible to truly live in nature—you can only hope to survive it, and that requires spartan training… and a great deal of luck.
I push these memories from my mind as I begin my second set of push-ups, focusing only on my biceps and pectorals contracting at regular intervals. I concentrate on the pain, keeping it from overpowering my will. I have learned to tame it over time. At first, just thinking about it made me want to quit, but eventually, it became familiar. Every time I feel this pain, I am reassured because it means my body is working as it should. Nothing is more dangerous than feeling nothing at all. It also gives me a certain satisfaction, as if I were fighting against my own body—and winning! And finally, it reminds me of the days I spent in the old man's hut. If I were to forget that part of my life too, I think loneliness would eventually get the better of me.
Once my arms start to shake and my torso crashes heavily to the ground, Natsuki's voice rings out, echoing beneath my leafy roof. He seems to be looking for me, shouting my name at the top of his lungs. I push my voice out of my throat to let him know where I am, but since I am in the darkness and he is in the light, I remain invisible to him until he steps into my humble dwelling.
The moment he sees me lying on the ground, struggling to get up, his face contorts in horror, as if he had just stumbled upon a crime scene.
— So I was too late, he says, panicked.
— What? What are you talking about?
— I was told Kana was looking for you, so I came to warn you about the danger… he puts a hand over his mouth, as if to stifle his horror. But it seems the damage has already been done. If only I had been faster… I never imagined she would go this far.
— What? No, Natsuki, there's been a misundersta—
— Don't try to cover for her, he interrupts me sharply. This time, she's gone too far. Even if it costs me my life, I swear I'll avenge you!
With these words, spoken as if they were his last, Natsuki rushes off as quickly as he appeared.
— I just hope he doesn't end up hurt because of me…
Unable to do anything against Natsuki's unhealthy impulsiveness, I resume my training, trying to push the thought out of my mind, though a lingering worry continues to cloud my concentration. I start my second set of hanging crunches, the pain quickly wiping away all distractions from my mind… well, almost.
∼ Kana is looking for me?
Normally, I should go back to the dormitory and wait for her there, but I'm not sure how to face her without knowing why she was angry at me yesterday. I hope not all girls get mad like that without explaining why… And besides, training comes first. She can wait a little longer.
— Ahem!
∼ Huh? Was that a human voice I just heard? Or just the creaking of the wooden perch I'm hanging from?
— Ahem! Ahem!
I stop mid-movement and turn my head toward the sound. Even upside down, I can make out Kana's silhouette, as she seems to be avoiding my gaze, arms crossed. True to my name, I crash to the ground like a stone. At this embarrassing display of agility, Kana lets out a laugh before quickly stifling it. I get up as fast as my stiff muscles allow, brushing off my clothes as if that would somehow erase what just happened.
— You were looking for me, I hear? I say hastily to not give her time to make fun of me.
— Oh? So you knew and still stayed here? Could it be that you're afraid of me? she replies, amused.
∼ Damn, trying to cover up one blunder, I just made another…
— W-well, it was Natsuki who came to warn me in the middle of my training. I was planning to come find you as soon as I finished, I swear!
— Hmmm, if you say so… she replies, sounding unconvinced.
— Natsuki! I exclaim, having just found a new way to change the subject. He went looking for you, I believe. Did you run into him?
— Oh, so that's what happened?! I saw someone taking him to the infirmary after he nearly knocked himself out tripping over a branch. Not like I haven't told him a hundred times not to run in Sylvheim.
It seems Natsuki's clumsiness far outshines mine. I'll have to thank him later for that.
— So, why were you looking for me?
— Mother asked me to bring you to her, so get dressed quickly and follow me, she orders, stealing a quick glance at my torso before turning away, blushing.
Since she arrived, she's been avoiding looking directly at me. I thought it was out of disdain, but could it be… shyness? Realizing that I've caught on, she blushes again and immediately turns her back to me, confirming my suspicion.
I smile at this unexpectedly cute side of her and quickly slip on my shirt before following her.
— Ishizora… she begins timidly, making a noticeable effort not to look at me, I'm sorry for what happened.
— Oh, don't worry about it. I just slipped. And besides, I didn't break anything when I fell.
— I wasn't talking about that! she suddenly raises her voice before picking up her pace.
— This girl is seriously confusing… I mutter under my breath. One moment she's apologizing, and the next, she's mad again…
I hurry to catch up since she doesn't seem to be slowing down, but I make sure to stay a step behind her. I'm surprised when she moves away from Elvijkiar and leads me toward the forest, but I remain silent, even as we enter the dense vegetation with no visible path or markings on the ground.
∼ Where exactly is she taking me? Don't tell me Natsuki was right… Was Clarence just an excuse to get me alone and get rid of me?
I don't want to believe Kana would go that far, but I stay on guard nonetheless. If it's not her, one of the wolves from the other day could jump on me at any moment before I even see it coming. As if to confirm my fears, a bush suddenly rustles. By reflex, I extend my arm protectively in front of Kana, stopping her in her tracks, while my other hand grips the handle of my dagger.
In a flash, a fierce wolf leaps out of the bush and attacks Kana's leg. I'm about to react when I realize that the beast isn't taller than a loaf of bread, its razor-sharp claws barely protrude from its fluffy paws, and its tiny fangs make way for a hanging tongue that eagerly laps at Kana's leg while its tail frantically sweeps the ground.
— Akaaa! Kana exclaims with obvious excitement before pushing my arm aside and crouching to scoop up the young pup, showering it with affection.
∼ And now she's fawning over a puppy like any ordinary teenage girl. This girl is completely unpredictable!
I feel privileged to witness what is probably a rare phenomenon—the darkness of the forest being pushed away by Kana's childlike smile. The little wolf, with its reddish fur matching Kana's hair, eagerly returns her enthusiasm with affectionate licks. I feel almost jealous watching this touching reunion between what seems to be longtime friends. Clearing my throat to remind her of my presence, Kana finally introduces me to the object of her affection.
The pup's name is Aka, and he belongs to the pack of guardian wolves that chased me the other day. He's even the heir to their leader. It's hard to believe that this adorable furball is related to one of those oversized wolves. I learn that his red fur is extremely rare, even within the pack, and is believed to be a symbol of the lineage of the original wolf, Varandir.
In the span of a minute, the creature I saw as nothing more than a cute little fluffball has transformed into the prince of a legendary wolf bloodline, the chosen one of a mystical being revered across the continent. I kneel to pay my respects to the legendary plushie. If I were to disrespect him in any way, I can't begin to imagine how far his pack would chase me.
— What are you doing? Kana asks, clearly amused by my bowing. You can see he's just a baby. Besides, that whole 'chosen one with red fur' thing is just a legend passed down within the pack.
∼ So wolves are superstitious too? Wait, there's something more important…
— Are you saying you can understand the language of these wolves?
— Of course. He says you look appetizing, she replies as if it were as cute as a child drooling in front of a bakery window.
Seeing my frightened reaction, she laughs again before reassuring me. Apparently, it's meant as a compliment in their pack, based on the superstition that devouring a powerful creature allows one to absorb its strength. In short, it's his way of saying I look strong.
∼ I hope it's just a legend, because otherwise, I don't even want to think about what they must have swallowed to become the four-legged masses of muscle that nearly got the better of me.
— Ahem. If I remember correctly, you called them guardian wolves, I ask, trying to hide my embarrassment. Are you bound by some kind of contract?
— Contracts don't exist in nature. Let's just say our relationship is mutually beneficial. Animals are simple creatures, you know. They'd never do anything that doesn't benefit their own kind. It's that simplicity and honesty in the way they look out for each other that I admire so much, she explains, without shifting her attention from the little wolf, who is wriggling with joy under her constant scratching.
∼ The Kana from yesterday would probably have answered coldly that it's none of my business. So she does have moments of good humor. It's probably thanks to this little wolf. Thank you, divine messenger with the red fur!
— So if I understand correctly, this forest is simply their natural habitat, and they protect it alongside you?
— That's not entirely wrong, but not quite right either. As I said, our relationship is a two-way street—give and take. Our Geika has always maintained an invisible barrier around the forest.
— A barrier? What kind of barrier?
— It confuses the mind, making people lose their sense of direction, and for the simplest ones, it even makes them turn back the way they came, she explains to me with her nose pressed against the wolf pup's snout. To put it simply, it's an anti-monster barrier.
— Something like that is possible?! But the forest is enormous! It's incredible to be able to maintain such a barrier at all times…
— As our meeting has proven, the barrier is far from perfect. The more intelligent monsters and humans can still enter the forest, and since they lose their sense of direction, someone has to guide them out, she says while Aka runs back and forth on her shoulders.
— And that's where the wolves come in! I exclaim to take over. This way, they can raise their young away from danger, as long as they take care of driving away any potential intruders.
— Plus, the barrier weakens over time, so someone has to monitor its condition. That's my job.
Aka, back in the hollow of her hands, licks her cheeks as if they were a treat.
— Quite the responsibility.
— Meh, to be honest, it's just a good excuse to play with Aka, she says, gently placing the little wolf on top of her head, where he blends in like a chameleon. Right, my boy?!
Judging by his enthusiastic yaps, the young prince is quite pleased with his new throne. In response to his happy squeaks, a distant howl echoes through the forest. That's his father calling for him, Kana explains, as if recognizing a wolf from his howl was the most natural thing in the world. She also tells me that despite his responsibilities, the young heir is reckless and only thinks about playing, much to his parents' dismay.
After their goodbyes, young Aka disappears into the dense vegetation, leaving me alone with Kana once again.
— It's pretty quiet around here, huh? I say stupidly before the silence becomes too awkward.
— Let's go, she replies simply before turning on her heels.
∼ She seemed open to conversation just a minute ago, but the moment the wolf left, she turned back into the ice princess… But I'm not giving up yet!
— By the way, where are you taking me?
— You'll see.
∼ I expected that answer, but it was worth a try. Time for a different approach…
— So, is it really true that he said I looked appetizing? I ask in vain, Kana showing no intention of responding. I was just thinking that if he finds me appetizing, that explains why he's practically drooling over you.
— What do you mean by that? she asks, a hint of irritation in her voice.
∼ Well, that reaction was to be expected. This is the first time I've ever tried to turn animal drool into a compliment.
— I just figured he must find you irresistibly mouth-watering. After all, you're much stronger than me.
She suddenly stops walking for a few seconds but doesn't turn toward me. It's hard to tell whether my flattery worked or just annoyed her, but at least I got a reaction.
— Why do you think that? she asks in a neutral tone after resuming her walk. We haven't fought each other yet, as far as I remember.
— You see, when traveling alone, it's crucial to assess your opponents. Otherwise, the hunter can quickly become the hunted.
— And if you had met me during one of your travels, blocking your way, what would you have done?
— I would have definitely looked for another path, even if it meant taking a big detour.
— That would have been the right choice, she says after a brief silence. We arrived, so stop talking nonsense, she adds while holding back a fern to clear the way for me, revealing a patch of light through the vegetation.
As I walk past her, Kana takes her leave, claiming she has other matters to attend to. I continue forward at a slow pace, a bit disappointed that the conversation I had finally managed to start came to such an abrupt end. Shielding my eyes with my arms, I step through the opening into the light. The once-dense vegetation suddenly gives way to what one might call a clearing—if a clearing could have a natural canopy overhead. The light here isn't particularly intense—there's no place in this mystical forest that could truly be called dazzling—but coming from the especially dark undergrowth, my eyes remain squinted for a moment.
Suddenly, I am struck by a feeling of déjà vu, as if I've seen this place before. A quick scan of the surroundings makes me realize why. At the center of the clearing stands the unmistakable small apple tree where I first met Kana. The sight of that little tree strangely fills me with joy, as if it were an old companion. After all, it bore witness to my first interaction with another human in six years. And just like last time, someone is standing there, a basket in hand. There's no need to squint to recognize the one who summoned me to this place.
As I hurry to join Clarence, I amuse myself by comparing the young apple tree to Elvijkiar, the pillar of the forest. These two trees, though diametrically opposed, share one common trait—their sorrowful solitude, which they both seem to bear with pride. Perhaps the reason I feel a connection to this small apple tree is that it reminds me of my own solitude.
Clarence greets me with a radiant smile, looking particularly cheerful. It seems like today is a good day for everyone—except maybe for Natsuki. I must admit, this place is quite pleasant. I hadn't noticed it during my first visit, obviously, but the apple tree is bathed in particularly beautiful light, while a refreshing breeze seems to caress it constantly.
— If I may ask, why did you arrange to meet me in such a secluded place? If it was just to talk, the grand hall would have done just fine, wouldn't it?
— If we had talked in that cold, vast room, you wouldn't have been able to relax, am I wrong? Besides, this place is special, she says while approaching the apple tree and gently running her fingers along its trunk, eyes closed.
— Special? I suppose it has to do with this tree…
— Exactly. Ishizora, let me introduce you to Istandür, the heir of Varandir's forest!
∼ What does that mean? Is she saying that this insignificant little apple tree was chosen to succeed that monstrous colossus? That would explain why the other trees keep their distance, but it looks so fragile, and its predecessor so… mighty. While its youthful branches bend under the weight of a single ripe apple, is it really capable of bearing the weight of the entire forest?
— I know what you're thinking. Despite appearances, this little sapling will one day grow as tall as Elvijkiar—perhaps even taller.
I lift my gaze toward the leafy canopy, trying to imagine the apple tree reaching that height.
— Though that won't happen for thousands of years, she says with an absent look, as if she is projecting herself into the future she's talking about.
— Why do you concern yourself with a future so distant that no trace of our existence will remain? I ask with curiosity.
— Excellent question, she replies with a satisfied smile, as if she had been leading me toward it all along. In your opinion, what is the greatest difference between humans and animals?
— What? Why that question all of a sudden?
— Because it's important, she simply says.
— Well, I'd say it's intellect. Our ability to use our surroundings to build traps, tools, houses…
— You're close, but that's not quite it. What truly sets us apart from animals is our ability to think about the future. The fear of tomorrow led us to build houses, villages, then cities, while the hope for tomorrow forged our beliefs. Humans are always thinking of ways to improve their future, never content with the present. This constant dissatisfaction is what has driven our society to grow—and it continues to do so. And you, Ishizora, have you thought about your future?
∼ Why do I feel like this whole conversation about the apple tree was just a setup for this question? It feels like I've been manipulated from the moment she greeted me with that big smile. What a terrifying woman…
— I have to confess something to you.
— I'm all ears, she says, setting down her wicker basket. Shall we take a walk?
I follow her into the forest, and during our stroll, I tell her about the voice that haunts my dreams. A voice I do not recognize, yet feels so familiar. A voice that calls me by a name I do not know. A voice so gentle, so comforting, and yet so sorrowful. A voice urging me to become stronger than anyone else, without ever giving me a reason. A voice that stirs emotions within me that I do not understand. Clarence listens intently, never interrupting me.
— … I am convinced that I have a family waiting for me somewhere, and that they need me. For what other reason would they have abandoned me while urging me to grow stronger? Why, when I have forgotten even my own name, do I still remember this mission I was given? I must find answers to these questions at all costs, but as I am now, I fear I am still far from the strength I promised to attain.
— Well, it's true that children don't just grow on trees, Clarence finally says with her usual bluntness. I understand your desire to know where you come from and why you were separated from your family, but that's not what I want to talk to you about today. Only time can restore lost memories, after all, and searching for your family blindly across the continent is a hopeless endeavor.
— If you didn't call me here to talk about my past, then what do you want to discuss?
— The future, Ishizora! The future… she repeats as a rushing torrent suddenly blocks our path. If I were to push you into this river, which direction would you swim?
— Pardon?
Though she doesn't seem to mean any harm, I instinctively take a step back.
— It's just a theoretical question, don't worry. I have no intention of throwing you in. So, what would you do? Would you try to fight the current to return to me—perhaps to seek revenge or at least demand an explanation for my behavior? Or would you let yourself drift away, forgetting the betrayal and simply continuing your journey wherever the river takes you?
— Well, I think the obvious answer is that I would swim toward the nearest shore.
— And why is that?
— I wouldn't presume to question your reasons. You are my elder, and I respect your decisions. But I also don't like having my path decided for me. Rather than letting myself be carried away by the current, I would prefer to forge my own way.
— That's exactly what I thought you would answer. But, Ishizora, you have always been caught in the river of Vahna, since the day you were born. You just don't realize it, but your choices have never truly been your own. And, my boy, once you are in it, you can never swim against the current. The Vahna, like time, moves in only one direction. Fighting against it is futile—it would only exhaust you until you drown.
— Why are you telling me this? What exactly do you want from me?
— The current has brought you to my doorstep, and there must be a reason for that. I believe it is the will of the Vahna that you join our Geika. Instead of dwelling on a past you no longer remember, wouldn't you rather focus on your future? What do you want to do tomorrow? What do you want to do with your life? Have you ever truly thought about it?
— If you stay with us, I will treat you as one of my own children. You will have a warm bed to sleep in every night, without ever having to worry about danger. You will grow stronger among us and eventually you could even build your own family. But there is one condition—you must let go of your past, abandon your senseless struggle, and embrace a new future. It is a trial that all my children have had to face, and it is as difficult as it is necessary.
Hearing her words—that my free will has never been anything more than an illusion—I feel a lump form in my throat before sinking down to my navel. A warmth spreads inside me, and before I even realize it, every muscle in my body is tense.
∼ So this… is what they call anger?
As soon as I become aware of my feelings, I close my eyes for a few seconds and focus on this new sensation, making sure not to forget it. Then, I take a deep breath and relax my muscles one by one. Slowly, my body returns to its normal temperature, and the knot in my stomach fades away.
— I appreciate your offer, but you forget one thing—before I can turn my back on my past, I must first remember it. You cannot erase a slate that was lost along the way. I'm sorry, but I cannot accept. Even if my chances of finding my family are slim, even if my journey is in vain, I will continue to grow stronger until I fulfill my promise—because that is what I have chosen.
— Even if that promise is nothing more than a trick your mind is playing on you? Even if the person in your dreams is no longer of this world?
I simply nod.
— So you are choosing to drown…
— I am well aware.
— In that case, I won't stop you. You are free to resume your journey. Sorry for wasting your time.
— It wasn't a waste of time. It's been a long time since I've confided in someone. Thank you for welcoming me among your people. I must admit, your children are remarkable, and your home is the warmest.
— They are my pride, she says, her eyes fixed on the torrent, before turning to me and placing a hand on my shoulder. Now, go! As for me, I will pray that you find the answers you seek… so that one day, we may swim in the same direction. When that day comes, my home will be yours as well.