I woke up again in another morning, much to my displeasure. Perhaps some would view this trail of thought appearing first thing in the morning as extremely depressing, and they wouldn't be wrong. However, strange as it may sound, I don't feel a thing about it. For me, the simple wish for non-existence is as normal as breathing or eating—it's not bad, sad, happy, or cruel; it is a mere reality. A reality that humans fail to see or simply choose to shroud their feeble existence with mindless consumerism. In any case, death is nowhere near me, so my only option is to once more go through my awfully banal day.
I slowly drag my sleepy self out of bed, yawning a few times as I rub my half-shut eyes. Could barely wake up before hearing my Mom's voice coming from downstairs.
"Sayu! Are you awake, sweetie?" A lovely voice, filled with warmth.
"Going, Mom!" I reply, raising my voice slightly
Making my way toward the bathroom, I wonder how many times I have lived this same moment. Ever since a young age, I considered myself to be different from others. Somehow, I couldn't see the world as those around me saw it. In front of the mirror after brushing my teeth, I stop a bit to take a good look at myself, almost hearing the comments which are engraved on my mind as I trail each section of my face.
'You are beautiful... Your eyes are amazing... Yourhair...'
And although it is the truth, what does it matter if I'm still human anyway? Sure, I have a prettier shell, doesn't mean I'm free. One can become stronger, of course, but can you stop a bullet? One can seek to enhance their knowledge, but anyway, the human mind is limited. And alas, one can become rich, just to die sooner or later, maybe in a comfortable hospital bed if you are lucky enough. Is there any meaning to human existence?
I grab both sides of the sink strongly as my whole expression melts into one of subtle anger. I'm trapped, bound by mortality without any way whatsoever of seeking that which I value the most: Power—raw and almighty power. Not political power or any other kind, I'm speaking of the power to seize whole worlds with my own hands. Enough power to be free to do as I see fit, enough to render any law made by Man or God's useless before me, enough to not have to endure anything ever again. I sigh to relax my mind, casting the recurring thought to the back of my subconscious again.
going down the stairs, I see my mother, she is a good mother, she gives me love, care, and shelter, thats why every morning I feel this pain in my chest.
walking toward the door, I hear my mother's voice
"I love you, daughter, have a nice day at school today" my mother says smiling at me
and it hurts every time
"Love you too Mom, goodbye" I say to her
the truth is, I do not feel anything for her or my father
it is painful, being incapable of loving my parents, but I've gotten used to it.
and then I go, passing by the same street, the same river, the same bridge
but I do enjoy something about this route
"come here little kitten" I say to a white cat standing close to a tree
I bring food to this cat, I like animals
this cat is just like me, he is here every day looking at the same view and doing the same things for five years
after feeding the cat, I return to my route
soon I find myself at school again, sitting at the same desk
school ends in a blink
while packing my things to leave, a boy looking shy came to my desk, I knew where this was going...
"Sayu, could i speak with you for a moment? in private I mean" the shy boy asked me
"Sure, show me the way" I say giving a gentle smile
I have no problem dealing with human interaction, just fake a little bit, work like a charm
the shy boy led me to a more private part of our school
he hesitates for a few seconds but proceeds
"hu-, Sayu i- like yo-u, could you be my girlfriend?" says the shy boy too afraid to meet my eyes
LIKE? VERMIN YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME, I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS.....
calm down Sayu, you know what to do
"im sorry, I dont know you enough to make a full opinion, but I definitely do not feel anything related to like toward you" I say to the shy boy
he ran away crying, I had worse reactions before, that is why I walk around with a stun gun
going back to my house I pass by the white cat tree, but it is not there today.
I feel something bad, but I ignore it, it is a cat after all
Passing by the river before the bridge, I see 3 boys laughing at something, and joking around, nothing abnormal I guess
Passing by the bridge I can hear what they are saying
"men you are cruel, you drowned the cat in cold blood hahahaha" one of them says laughing
"ha its just a stray cat, no one cares about it, if you didnt want me to do it you should not challenge me hahahaha" the boy with the blue shirt said laughing
"Whatever just a cat" the other boy said
looking closely I see a white cat lying flat on the ground
WHY? WHY? HUMANS HAVE TO DESTROY EVERYTHING THEY TOUCH, AND THEY ARE NOT PUNISHED FOR IT, THAT IS WHY THEY KEEP DOING IT
god is not here to punish them, but I will
why im doing this? However, I do not care anymore this life is not worth living anyway
I grab my stun gun and put it behind my back, I go closer to them
"boys, would you guys happen to know where can i find some fun around here? im new you see" I say to them with a voice hitting malice
after taking a good look at my figure they start smiling at each other
"oh fun you say? my my we happen to know care to join us?" the boy with the blue shirt tries to grab my arm
As soon as he is close enough I put my stun gun in his throat and click
"Ah!" The shirt boy fell to the ground agonizing
disgusting creature
the other two boys are trying to understand what just happened, but I dash at one of them and click
"A WHAT THE FU-" screams the boy falling
"what the fuck do you think you are doing bitch?!" say the last boy
he put his guard up, and I just took down two of his friends, if he did understand what was happening after that I would say he is a straight-up monkey
I dont know how to fight much less a boy, think Sayu think
an idea comes to mind
"wow putting your guard up I see, but you know getting a shock from this little thing here, boy it hurts, why dont you try asking your friends here?" I say while giving him a grim smile
"dont play dumb, I can take you without a problem" the boy says, but he hesitates
"Are you going to risk it? what if you slip, what if you miss? look at these pieces of human garbage on the ground. they are worth protecting?" I say with a grim smile
he hesitates, but in the end, fear takes the best of him and he runs away
MEN WHAT WAS THAT THIS THRILL IS TOO GOOD, I NEVER FELT THIS IS MY LIFE
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" I laugh hard
I never felt this good before
oops they are trying to get up, I run towards them and click
"AAAAAAAAA!! STOP PLEASE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!" the blue shirt boy screams
I dash toward the other and click
"AAAAAAAAAA! SON OF A BITCH!!" the boy at the left scream
they scream, the fear in their eyes, why this is so good?
making sure they cant get up for a while I walk toward the blue shirt boy
I grab him by his arms and I put him closer to the river, I grab his head
he seems to understand what will happen to him
"No please, I beg you, I beg y-" the boy tries to beg but I put his head inside the water
he tries to get out but his body is weak from taking too much shock
soon, he stops moving, I dont bother getting his head out of the water
the other boy is trying to crawl toward the street, I rush at him and I jump falling with my feet on his neck
a cracking sound could be heard
"Oops, I didnt see you there cockroach, I guess it is just a cockroach no one is going to miss it," I say laughing
the boy tries to scream but his voice stops coming out after that
I put my stun gun on the top of his head and click
the boy was struggling on the ground but was unable to scream, just a grim laugh could be heard
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I laugh loud
aah, right now looking at the sky, he looks more beautiful than ever
Do happy people see this all the time? I wonder
my peace moment lasts a few seconds
I hear sirens, shit, well I was not trying to hide in the first place, there's a bridge just right there, someone called the police or that other boy called, whatever I have to run
I get on the street and I keep running without looking back...?
why im falling?
what is happening?... I feel... pain
huh? ah, I see now, I got hit by a car, dont matter at least I died happy today.
...
Darkness... darkness everywhere I look? look? why do I feel like I have a body
I hear a man's voice
"how the pregnancy is going Maria?" say the men
a woman's voice answers
"it is for now, but I must say Lord Karyon, is harder than the last time for some reason, dont know what it is" says the woman probably named Maria
"dont seem that there is anything wrong but take care, i bid you good luck and farewell" say the men
wait? Pregnancy?.... god please no
disgusting disgusting disgusting, im lucky I cant see nothing here
stop Sayu now is not the time to freak out, lets think
If I'm capable of feeling and thinking means that Maria is already close to giving birth
I feel strange somehow like the feeling I had before about humans vanished, but something is replacing it
arrogance, an instinct to dominate
I feel stronger too
I really want another name too, first of all, I did not have any attachment to that life anyway
I want a name, a name, a name hehehehe
looks like things are going to be fun from now on.