A group of first year fashion design students walked out to wrap up the show and as everyone headed out the auditorium to chat, Mina gestured Younghee over to backstage. Before she could make her way through the crowd however, someone had grabbed onto her shirt.
"Where are you going?" Nari asked.
Before Younghee could answer, Minju had came up to them and to Younghee's surprise, she didn't seem very hostile.
Was I imagining it?
Well, I suppose it doesn't really matter.
"I'm going to wait for Sooah, you—"
"She'll go with you."
"What?"
Younghee gave Nari a reassuring nod then caught Minju's eyes. For a brief moment, she could see that somewhere in her gaze was a feeling similar to empathy, but she didn't know why.
-
As the sound of the front door shutting behind her echoed in her ear, Younghee suddenly froze. It was too dark, too quiet, for Ari to be home. Her shoes that she would usually leave by the front were no longer there, nor were they in the cabinets. Her coat she'd always leave on the floor and forget about was nowhere to be seen either.
Younghee checked her phone, nothing.
If she gone out with friends, she would've told me right? Like usual.
The light from her screen bounced off the glasses on the drying rack and she realised everything was still the same as when she had left in the morning. From the kitchen to the living room, nothing had been moved.
She wasn't here.
Ari wasn't here.
Younghee slowly walked over to her room, her hand on the handle but she couldn't turn it.
If she doesn't see it, then it's not true.
There was a lump in her throat and she didn't realise she'd been holding her breath. Younghee retracted her hand and stood by the door for a while, staring at the ground as if her eyes didn't have the strength to look straight ahead.
Honestly, she already knew.
She could already tell the place was empty when she woke up. She just wanted to be wrong but Ari had really left.
Without a word.
: Are you back yet?
In Harin: Not yet, we're still visiting some family
: I need you
The status bar at the top of her screen showed Harin was typing but nothing came through for a while. It was only when the phone had switched off automatically did her finally reply.
In Harin: Okay
At some point during the night, Younghee had fallen asleep. After multiple unanswered calls and messages left on delivered, her phone finally rang. Her eyes opened immediately and her body moved on its own, picking up the call before she could even think.
Her heart was pounding, the thumps echoing in her ears as the rising sun shone into the living room through the gaps in the blinds.
The temperature was definitely low so early in the morning but she felt hot by running on nothing but nerves as she waited for the caller to say something.
"Hello?"
Younghee let out a sigh of relief from hearing her voice. She was about to say something before Ari cut her off, almost like she was rushing her off.
"Sorry I couldn't pick up your calls. I forgot to tell you since it was last minute but my department had an exchange programme so I'll be in London for a few months."
"Oh… Okay. Don't worry about it. Are you at the dorms now?"
There seemed to be some talking in the background as Ari answered, "uh… yeah, actually we're going out soon. You should go back to sleep, it's really early isn't it? I should've called you another time haha.."
"Ari."
"..Yeah?"
There was a long silence between them, even the muttering coming from Ari's end was now gone. Like the universe had given them time to talk to each other; yet such a phenomenon that'd usually be comfortable to them felt awkward today.
..unfamiliar.
"... Stay safe. Call me if something happens."
Ari laughed a little, "of course but how do you plan to save me if something happens? You're too far away Younghee."
"Mm, I'd figure something out. I would be there before you know it. Promise."
"Don't say that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'll really take your word for it."
"You can."
"..." Ari sighed. "Bye bye, Younghee."
Younghee's lips parted, as if she was going to respond but she didn't say anything, not even after the call had ended. She couldn't.
Unlike Younghee who her unexpected sleep interrupted, Nari had finally gotten a proper night's rest. For the first time in weeks, she had woken up before all of her alarms had gone off and didn't feel like getting out of bed was going to be a pain.
Though strangely, she felt like she was being squished by something. Nari rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times before they finally focused and muttered, "ah..."
Minju and Sooah were still sound asleep next to her, both sharing one blanket. Nari chuckled a little as she lifted her's over them and got up. Everyone had decided to stay at her apartment for the night since it was the closest to campus and big enough for them all. Well, Doyoung and Jumin may have had to share the couch but still.
Though it seemed like Nari had forgotten that as she almost jumped seeing them in the living room. As the morning sunlight lined up perfectly to hit Doyoung's eyes, he groaned slightly then tilted his head to the side, resting against Jumin. Witnessing them compete and argue over the smallest things, now was definitely the most peaceful Nari had seen them with each other.
The bedroom door opened behind her and a tired Minju squinted her eyes at her as she pulled a jacket over.
"Um.. Morning, I forgot the student council has a meeting today." She grumbled. "I'm gonna go first..."
"Oh sure, wait," Nari called after her as she changed into her shoes. "Shouldn't Jumin go with you?"
"No, I just need to set some things up but please let him know when he wakes up."
Finally glancing over to her brother, Minju paused and suddenly looked wide awake. She walked over to him and Doyoung and quietly snapped a photo as she smiled, "I'm so using this to blackmail them."
-
"Hi."
Nari looked up from her phone, being met with a girl who seemed to be around the same age as her and blended in well with the other students, at least clothing wise, but she knew she'd never seen her around before. In a normal situation, she probably would've said something by now but now her mind was occupied with just staring at the girl's face.
In the most discreet way possible, her jaw had dropped upon seeing her.
She was stunning.
Nari had always thought saying someone was like a model was a bad compliment but if she were to say that right now, she'd really mean it as a praise.
"Do you know where Seo Younghee is?"
Oh, right. Of course.
Now that Younghee's name was mentioned, she wasn't just pretty, she was different. Different to Nari. It was like hearing her name made Nari's brain pick up everything contradictory between her and the girl, and each was a trait in which she lacked.
"Miss?"
Nari blinked, "she's just talking to the professor."
"Thank you." The girl flashed a smile.
Nari smiled back and took a few steps before feeling overwhelmingly sick. This was normal. She'd had countless girls ask her about Younghee before, all with different styles and vibes so why was she so on edge this time? If jealousy was how she felt before, then this was probably closer to fear.
Harin watched as Nari continued to pace about, almost amused with a bittersweet smile on her face.
Come on, you have to hide it a little better than that.
An almost pitiful look appeared in her eyes in that moment, one as if she knew how Nari felt. That sense of superiority earlier, although brief, was enough for her to understand why Ari had stayed in the same position for so long. Harin felt a lump in her throat but swallowed it as Younghee finally wrapped up her conversation with the professor.
I can't be greedy.
"Took you long enough."
"Sorry, it was about an assignment."
Realising Younghee was looking about, Harin quickly grabbed her arm. "Okay, let's go!" It was obviously she was trying to see if Nari was waiting but not even Harin knew why she felt like she had to pull her away then.
If what she knew was true then she should have the upper-hand right now, yet it still felt like she was losing. As a friend and as something more.
"Sorry for this. I know you wanted to spend more time with family."
Harin stopped by the edge of the landing and leaned her arms against the cold concrete railing. The view from the stair wasn't bad and it was an ideal spot for people watching but not many people were around right now so all that was left was a cloudy sky and seeing it so gloomy just reminded Harin of why she didn't want that at all.
"I wouldn't say I wanted to. It's just something I have to do, you know?"
Younghee joined her side as Harin stared out into the courtyard and all of a sudden felt a sense of deja vu. Being by each other on such a day really felt like middle school all over again. As the feeling of nostalgia came over her, Younghee spoke up.
"This reminds me of before."
"Before?"
"School."
Harin chuckled. "Yeah, you're right." There was a sense of sadness in her voice and it felt like she was still far away, distracted by her thoughts.
Knowing this, Younghee still chose to be selfish. If this was like before, then she could be like the old her, right?
"Let's go up to the roof."
There was a slight hesitation on Harin's face as she turned to Younghee. She'd already decided what her role would be in her story and she'd already made peace with that but old habits die hard.
And perhaps seeing Nari brought out the person Harin had wished she could be.
Just this one last time.
And maybe, just maybe, she was her for a moment - she was the one that was always chosen, that will always be chosen.
She was Ari.