Let me be perfectly clear:
There is no power in all the Hells—no flame, no scream, no ancient curse more humiliating—than being stuck in a baby's body.
My limbs were tiny meat noodles.
My neck flopped like a loose scroll.
My ability to form coherent speech? Gone. Reduced to squeaks and burps.
I, Asmodus, once known as the Eternal Flame of Despair, was now Fuoco Cattivo—pink, pudgy, and utterly helpless.
And to make matters worse… they left me alone with her.
"Alrighty, baby Fuoco," said the nanny, adjusting the lace-trimmed bonnet on my head like she wasn't handling a former tyrant of the underworld. "Mama and Papa went to the ducal meeting, so it's just us!"
She clapped.
I stared.
She was young—maybe sixteen or seventeen—and had that perpetually cheerful, country-sunshine kind of face. Big green eyes. Freckles. Braided hair. You could practically hear a flute playing when she smiled.
Her name was Millie. She smelled like strawberries and moral responsibility.
"Now, let's get you nice and cozy!"
Help.
Millie plopped me into a horrifying contraption called a crib, which looked like a cage designed by elves trying to be cute.
"I just adore taking care of you," she chirped. "You're so well-behaved! Not like the last noble baby I nannied. That one bit me."
Amateur, I thought, curling my lip.
"Don't worry," she whispered, wagging a finger at me, "if you ever feel like biting, you just tell Miss Millie and we'll work it out, okay?"
I gurgled.
Translation: When I get teeth, you're first.
She misinterpreted this as joy. "Awww! He's chatting already! Such a clever little guy!"
I'm literally older than your family tree, Millie.
"Alright, let's do tummy time!"
She rolled me onto my stomach like I was a raw steak and clapped again.
Now, let me explain the horror that is tummy time.
Imagine being a powerful demon overlord. Now imagine someone flips you over, and suddenly you are incapable of lifting your own head. Your face is mashed against a pillow. Your arms flail like you're trying to swim through mashed potatoes. And everyone around you is cheering like this is a sport.
I tried to lift my head.
I failed.
I tried again.
Crack. My neck said, "Nah."
"Wow!" Millie gasped. "You're so strong!"
I let out an exhausted wheeze.
Woman, I once snapped an archangel in half with my tail. Now I can't even roll over.
"This position helps babies learn balance and core strength!" she said cheerfully, as I contemplated evaporating her with a glare.
Unfortunately, I no longer had a glare. I had googly baby eyes.
And I blinked both of them uselessly as drool slid down my chin.
"This is going on the family scrapbook!"
She pulled out something called a "sketch crystal" and began drawing my flailing. My shame would be immortalized.
Kill me. Again. Properly this time.
Eventually, she took pity on me and scooped me up.
I sagged in her arms like a dejected sack of sentient pudding.
"Awwww. Tired already?" Millie cooed, brushing my black fluff of hair. "You're such a cuddly baby."
Stop. Saying. Baby.
To distract herself, she began talking to me the way only lonely nannies and eccentric wizards do—with absolute commitment and no expectation of a reply.
"You know, Fuoco, I think you're gonna grow up to be a real heartbreaker. Those ruby eyes of yours? Phew!"
They're hellfire incarnate, Millie. I've stared down divine judgment with these peepers.
She sat in a rocking chair with me in her arms, humming some lullaby made of hope and daisies. I stared at the ceiling.
"You remind me of my little brother," she sighed. "He was born during the winter plague, poor thing."
I blinked. This was new.
"He didn't make it," she added, softly now. "So… when I see you smile, it kind of feels like… maybe he's smiling through you."
I froze.
Emotion. That weird tickle behind my chest cavity. Was this empathy?
Gross.
Still... I didn't wriggle away.
"I know you're just a baby," she whispered. "But I hope you grow up happy, okay? Safe. With people who love you."
My demonic heart twitched.
Dang it, Millie. Stop being wholesome. It's messing with my brand.
I burbled awkwardly.
"Ohhh, you're such a sweet little one!"
She squished my cheeks like they were dumplings.
I summoned every ounce of my ancient power to try and roll my eyes.
They just kind of… wobbled.
This is fine. Everything's fine. I'll just bide my time. Learn the mortal world. Find a way to reforge my mana core. And then... then I'll rule again.
But first…
Millie laid me on a silk blanket covered in cartoon sheep.
"Time for diaper inspection!"
NO.
She pulled the lacy thing open.
"Oh dear."
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—