(5:00 AM)
The sun slowly rose in the east. Birds chirped, a sleeptalking idiot mumbled like a drunk pervert, rocks crumbled for no reason, and a chicken was being devoured by a walker. One unlucky tent was utterly annihilated by another walker.
(me:wait...meh your problem)
"Wait... the tent's already destroyed?!" Noysd jolted awake and crawled out of his tent, only to see Haruka's tent was already in ruins.
"...Man, my tent got destroyed last night... You really shouldn't sleeptalk about getting assaulted, y'know," Haruka grumbled, hurling the mug he was holding straight into the walker's face.
"Ahem... We don't talk about that. That's... another future event. Ahem—May 1st, Shibuya, in another life... Ahem," Noysd muttered as he turned back into his tent to gear up.
"Wait... What do you mean by May 1st I'm gonn—"
(3 hours later, Haruka still rambling in denial)
"...So anyway, I'm ready.Let's go, Haruka," Noysd said, doing some lazy morning stretches.
"WAIT!" Haruka snapped, now fully serious.
"If you're asking if it's a male... well—kinda?" Noysd shrugged.
"what?that not the wha-wait what do mean kinda?!
"Have you... watched futanari hentai?"
"Dude... You're literally me. Of course I've watched that cursed genre..." Haruka said, followed immediately by a thousand-yard flashback stare.
"HEY—HEY! Snap out of it, Haruka!" Noysd slapped him hard across the face.
"OUCH! I'm back, I'm back! Sheesh... Anyway, what does futanari have to do wi—oh..." Haruka paused as the mental horror clicked into place.
"Yup. One of the most terrifying, messed-up moments in our lives," Noysd said grimly, placing a hand on Haruka's shoulder while experiencing his own emotional damage.
"...Man, it still haunts me... Anyway, I should probably mention this now—but you should've died there, If I hadn't shown up."
"...What do you mean?" Haruka asked, suspicious.
"Well, see... Sin ce the auto heal was on it heal both of us since we're literally the same person"
"Huh... No wonder all my injuries vanished when you appeared. That explains everything!" Haruka said, munching on a chicken leg he pulled from Noysd's inventory.
"Now then... Let me check my old stats from back when I was in my prime..." Noysd said with a nostalgic grin.
"Su—"
BOOOOM!
An explosion echoed in the distance.
"Equip mask. Change scent... to soap." {DONE,} the system replied.
"Okay, Haruka. From now on, don't call me Noysd. Call me Hyriot,*got it?"
"...Why?!"
"You'll understand... *when she gets here.*"
"Wha—"
Before Haruka could finish, a feminine voice rang out.
"Haruka!!"
A young woman ran toward him, sobbing, arms wide open.
". . .Wait... Kohaku!?....
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Well it really is boring without people here....oh well might as well go out
To be continued