Chapter 33: Your deepest, darkest secret
Only a couple hours had passed since Shadow's departure.
Claire Kagenou was on one knee on the sands of the arena floor with her head bowed. Her father was standing over her with a thin circle of gold in his hands, a champion's crown.
"Claire Kagenou, I proclaim you the victor of this year's God of War Tournament." Daddy then placed the award on her head. "We honor you for your magnificent triumph!" Her father began to clap and so did everyone else.
Alexia had witnessed him do this every single year since she was six. Each time it was the signal for the cheers and applause of sixty thousand spectators that would be deafening. Last year, when her sister won the crown, the cheers had gone on for a solid twenty minutes. No one had been able to talk even if they screamed at the top of their lungs.
Today was just a little different. She, Poochie, daddy, the Prime Minister, and about two dozen court officials daddy had rounded up for this were the only ones applauding. The stands were empty. The people had started running the moment Shadow had begun materializing his magic and they hadn't stopped even after he was long gone.
Everyone did their best (even her), but the clapping sounded quite frail and hollow. Poochie was slapping his hands together so hard she expected they were about to fall off. Iris and Beatrix were noticeably absent. Both of them had left the stadium almost as soon as Shadow had. Doem had run away as fast as he could. She and Claire had both searched the stands for Poochie. She'd found him (of course) walking out of one of the men's rooms asking why everyone was shouting and running around and wanting to know if Jimina had won.
Claire rose to her feet looking anything but pleased. But it wasn't because of the lack of spectators. "Your majesty, I truly thank you for this great honor. But once again, I'd like you to let me earn it fairly by fighting Princess Iris."
Her father shook his head one more time. "I appreciate your wish; it speaks well of you. But I'm afraid it's not possible. Jimina was only disqualified after my daughter was legitimately defeated. If I were to claim he was disqualified sooner, I'd by necessity have to award victories to every opponent he defeated, not just Iris. And even then, everyone would assume I was doing it just to favor my own daughter." Daddy shook his head. "Shadow has already made a mockery of this year's tournament. I won't do anything to further damage our reputation."
"Then at least let me fight Iris right here and now. That way when I beat her, I'll know for sure I'm the best."
"Don't you mean second best, neechan? Or are you hoping for a rematch with Shadow too?"
Those words earned him a brutal look from Claire that actually made Pooch duck behind her.
The reminder of Shadow made daddy and everyone else look a bit comfortable. Alexia was very sure they would all try and forget what they witnessed here today. She'd have to keep reminding them.
"I fear Iris may not be up to that right now, but I'm sure the two of you will have a private match at some point to settle the matter. When you do, please let me know, I'd love to see it. In the meantime, please rest assured you are the rightful champion."
"Only by default," Claire muttered.
"Yeah, that's true," Poochie agreed.
Alexia thought the same but wasn't stupid enough to say it out loud. Not in front of witnesses at least.
Claire immediately sent him another death glare.
"Er, I…. I mean to say you won because you're the best, sis!"
"Well, of course I am," Claire nodded. Ruining the effect of all her previous statements. "But I bet a lot of people will have doubts about how legitimate my title is."
Poochie shrugged. "Can you really blame them?"
"What did you say?"
"I said anyone who doubts your greatness is a fool!"
Claire looked exasperated and Poochie continued to cower behind her. At this point Alexia was starting to feel pretty annoyed too.
"You were the last person standing when 'Jimina' got disqualified," Alexia said. "That makes you the tournament champion. Could you just accept your crown and stop complaining?"
That earned Alexia a death glare of her very own, but she didn't care. She had a lot bigger worries than upsetting Claire.
"As the tournament champion," daddy continued. "There is traditionally a celebration in the palace immediately after in your honor. Uhm, for obvious reasons this was scheduled for tomorrow, but we can hold it today instead."
The girl placed a hand to her heart and bowed. "I'd be greatly honored, your majesty." She then looked over at her brother. "Cid, why don't you escort me?"
Before Poochie could reply Alexia grabbed hold of his arm. "Actually, I'd like my darling Poochie to walk there with me. Daddy? Why don't you escort her? I can't imagine any greater honor for a young woman."
Her father laughed and nodded. "I'd be absolutely delighted." He extended his arm to her.
From the look on her face, it was clear that Claire would have preferred her brother but couldn't really refuse and so took the king's arm.
"Cid, we're having dinner together tomorrow," she aimed daggers at Alexia. "Just the two of us. This will be a family celebration of my victory. You had better go all out and make it memorable, got it?"
Poochie nodded his head with lightning speed. "Got it, neechan. I will definitely go all out and spare no expense!"
Claire looked pleased and headed off arm in arm with daddy along with the others who'd come. Alexia deliberately waited so they could be alone. Almost as soon as they were gone Poochie turned to her.
"Hey, could you help pay for a really nice dinner somewhere? I don't think sis will be happy if I take her to Tuna King."
Alexia raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? What happened to the ten million zeni you got less than a week ago?"
"I sort of have important plans for that money."
"Oh really? Like what? A house? Maybe a small farm?"
"I'd rather not say."
"Right," she sighed. Alexia didn't believe he had any actual plans. He was just being cheap as usual. Trying to look on the bright side, she figured being thrifty was at least better than throwing his money away on ridiculous things like fine art, rare wine, and needlessly expensive furniture.
"Sure, I'll take care of it. Even if your sister is an annoying brocon she fought Shadow, so I can't really fault her courage. The best restaurant in the city is actually owned by Mitsugoshi. I'll use my status as princess to get you a private dining room. You can order whatever you want, and I'll handle the bill."
"Thanks! I really appreciate it!"
She gave him a hollow smile. "You can pay me back by working hard to get promoted to orange in Royal Bushin by the start of class."
"But that's in a couple of weeks!"
"You better put in some serious effort then. I want you promoted during the first session of Section One. I'll even have a nice new orange uniform waiting for you."
Poochie groaned and muttered something about her being a slave driver but nodded.
XXX
They were walking arm in arm through the streets on the way to the palace. As they went more than a few people smiled at them. They had to look like a couple of Academy students out on a date. The thought made her happy.
So, naturally, Poochie had to ruin it.
"Aren't you sticking a little too close to me?"
Alexia sighed. "You know, Pooch most guys would literally kill for the chance to walk arm in arm with a beautiful princess."
"I know, but most guys would never imagine what a rotten personality you have."
She promptly elbowed him in the ribs.
He grunted in pain then kept quiet. Alexia didn't let go of his arm.
They walked in a comfortable silence. The truth was Alexia had a lot to think about. After all, she'd recently come to the realization that Poochie and Shadow were the same person.
She'd had suspicions since the night he saved her from Zenon, but as more time passed, she'd started to doubt it. The reason was simple, Shadow and Poochie were so diametrically opposed to one another it was next to impossible to think they could be the same person. She also couldn't believe that anyone with Shadow's level of power could be happy with the sort of mundane lifestyle Cid endured.
Granted, he got to spend a lot of his time with her, so he was truly blessed compared to most. But he still lived in a dorm, attended classes, and a lot of his meals were tuna sandwiches or the standard cafeteria food. Why would someone like Shadow put up with that? He could live in a castle dining on veal and foie gras with a horde of beautiful Shadow Gardeners to wait on him hand and foot.
When Shadow was fighting Zenon, the latter had asked him why he'd hide himself when he had so much power. Shadow had replied that he wanted to hide in the darkness and fight the shadows and nothing more. Zenon had called him insane. While Alexia was loathed to agree with anything that asshole believed, in this case she'd have to fall on his side. Anyone with that much power had to be living in luxury even if it were in secret. Only a lunatic would be content being a common student if he had the ability to level a city.
There was also the fact that the better she'd gotten to know Poochie the more difficult it became to imagine him as Shadow. It was not only the destructive potential, Shadow had an aura to him. He radiated danger the way a flame radiated heat. She'd seen his eyes gazing at her and others without so much as a flicker of humanity in them. He was the abyss, an endless darkness without light or warmth. How could someone who had to be reminded to comb his hair possibly be that kind of man?
What now had her convinced that Poochie and Shadow were one and the same was the realization that Poochie was never there when Shadow appeared. Before fighting the slashers Poochie had conveniently taken a shit. She didn't know where Pooch was when Shadow appeared at the Goddess Trial, but he was in Lindwurm. While today she'd noticed that every time she saw Jimina fight Poochie was having trouble with his bowels. And now that she knew Jimina had been Shadow all along…
Alexia understood the evidence was all circumstantial. There was no absolute proof that Cid and Shadow were the same person. Technically, it was possible that Pooch just had a weak system and he needed to relieve himself at those particular moments. But in Alexia's mind it was certain. Poochie was Shadow.
That revelation didn't really solve anything though. She couldn't exactly turn to Pooch and say, 'I know who you really are, Shadow.' While she had absolutely no fear of Pooch, Shadow was a whole different matter.
When she and the other girls had fought him on the arena floor, she'd believed in her heart that he wouldn't kill them. The reason for that wasn't any special faith in his goodness or mercy. She understood very well the man was a killer. But it was that knowledge of just how easily he could kill, of how overwhelming his strength was, that made Alexia believe she and the others would survive. If he'd really wanted to, he could have killed Iris or Beatrix in an instant. They didn't survive because of their own skill or luck. No, they lived because Shadow chose to spare them.
But if he'd decided the other way…
Alexia had no illusions that her status as a princess would protect her. She also couldn't rely on the relationship the two of them had. He was a criminal mastermind and a much better liar than even Zenon. How could she know what was true or false in him? If she hadn't been partially conscious that first time they met, Alexia would never have put the clues together. If Cid Kagenou was merely a disguise for Shadow, it was an absolutely perfect one. If she revealed the truth to him, how would Pooch/Shadow react? If he made the cold-blooded decision that he needed to get rid of her, she was dead. Her fighting skills and her being a princess wouldn't save her. She couldn't imagine Poochie ever hurting her.
Shadow was a very different story.
So, there was no way she could confront Poochie with this. Telling Iris, daddy, or anyone else was also out of the question. If anyone knew about her suspicions Pooch would at the very least be arrested and interrogated. Alexia didn't even want to think about what the results of that might be. You didn't anger a god unless you were ready to be smited.
But while she didn't dare reveal what she knew to him, if she could get him to tell her that would solve everything.
"Hey, Poochie, can I share something with you?"
"I guess."
Before she spoke Alexia glanced about to make sure no one was close enough to overhear.
"My sister and I have gotten closer since my kidnapping. But there was a time I resented her. You remember when I told you about her telling me that she liked my swordsmanship, and how I thought it was pity?"
"Sure."
"Well, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I didn't just resent her. I genuinely hated her for a while. I wished… I wished she didn't exist, that I was an only child. I know how unfair and selfish that is, I knew it even then. But I couldn't help feeling that way."
He looked at her in genuine surprise. "Wow, having a sister I don't always get along with myself, I still can't imagine feeling that way."
Alexia nodded. "It's my deepest, darkest secret. If Iris ever heard about it, I know it would break her heart."
"Well, she won't hear it from me. Uhm, why are you telling me though?"
"Facing Shadow was a life and death experience. I guess it made me rethink some of my priorities. I want you to know how important you are to me and just how much I trust you, Poochie. And I hope you realize you can trust me just as much."
"Really?"
Alexia nodded. "Absolutely. You can tell me anything, and I swear I'll keep it secret. I won't share it with anyone, not even my father or Iris."
Poochie paused and had a solemn expression. "What if I told you something that you'd find shocking? That would definitely upset you, maybe even change the way you see me?"
Alexia came to a halt and stood before him so that she could look up into his eyes.
"Cid, whatever it is you can trust me. No matter how unbelievable the revelation, I swear I'll not tell a soul."
"Alright then," he took a deep breath. "Do you remember the times I've carried you on my back? Once after the slasher attack and then down in the sewers?"
"Yes, what about them?"
"Well, both times I was able to feel your boobs. I really think you should start using thicker bras."
"…"
"You're going to hit me now, aren't you?"
"I don't see where you've left me any choice."
XXX
After punching him in the stomach they continued to the palace and the royal reception. Alexia decided that the best course of action would be to continue treating Poochie the way she always had while keeping the truth in mind.