As the afternoon sun painted the sky with warm hues, I found myself standing outside Sang-Min's condo, uncertainty lingering in the air. The weight of our previous interactions and the complexities of our emotions hung between us.
Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door. Sang-Min opened it, and our eyes met, a mixture of emotions reflected in each gaze. "Hae-Joon," he said, a hint of relief in his voice. "I'm glad you came."
We settled in his living room, a shared acknowledgment of the unspoken words that had lingered since our last encounter. Sang-Min spoke first, his words sincere and tinged with regret. "I'm sorry about that day at school, it was wrong for me to kiss you without your consent." "That was never my intention at all!" "So you never ment the kiss?" I asked, he shook his head in response.
For some reason I felt a pinge of disappointment, like what do you mean you didn't mean the kiss. That was my first kiss!
"Oh okay." I said trying to hide my disappointment, "so what did you want to tell me?" I asked. Sang-Min's eyes held a mix of emotions as he tried to find the right words. "Hae-Joon, I want you to understand that I value our connection. I didn't mean to complicate things, but I can't deny the feelings I have for you."
His sincerity resonated in the room, and I felt a surge of emotions within me. "I appreciate your honesty, Sang-Min," I replied, my voice reflecting a blend of curiosity and apprehension. "But we both know the challenges we face, the expectations of those around us."
Sang-Min nodded, acknowledging the complexities of our situation. "I know it's not easy. But I don't want to hide our connection anymore. I care about you, Hae-Joon."
"I care for you too Min but I've come to learn that before I give my heart, I have to find myself. I have to find the connection that I once had with the lord before I'm sure that my feelings for you isn't forbidden." I stated, "Look Joon, I'm not trying to pull you away from god. But love shouldn't be determined by religion or by any other person."
Sang-Min's eyes held a mixture of understanding and conflict as he absorbed my words.
The room seemed to hold the weight of our contemplations, the complexities of love intertwined with the quest for self-discovery. "But," Sang-Min began, "I can't deny that my feelings for you are real. I'll give you the time and space you need,"
"I'm glad you understand." I got of from the couch and grabbed, "I'll get going now," I said but as I was about to walk away he suddenly grabbed my hand, my heart skipped a beat but I couldn't lose control. "one thing before you leave," "What is it?" "Can I kiss you?" He asked, I looked at him shocked and was lost of words. I could just tell him no and leave but I didn't just want to leave, I actually wanted the kiss. So I smiled a nodded in response
As I nodded in response, Sang-Min's eyes lit up with a mix of anticipation and gratitude. He leaned in slowly, closing the distance between us. The warmth of his touch and the softness of his lips created a moment suspended in time.
The kiss, different from the unexpected one at school, carried a mutual understanding. It spoke of unspoken emotions and the complexities of our connection. As we parted, there was a shared acknowledgment that this was a step in our evolving journey.
I left Sang-Min's condo, the echoes of our shared moment lingering in the air. The afternoon sun had mellowed into shades of orange, casting a warm glow on the path ahead.
———————
Once I got home I found mom and dad sitting in the living with disappointed looks on their face and I knew I was in for a ride.
"You guys are back early," I nervously smiled as I took of my shoes. "Yes,we were worried that you weren't feeling well that's why we came back early. But looks like you're totally fine!" Mom exclaimed, "where are you coming from?" Dad chimed, "umm, I just went to see Han and Minjee for a few seconds." I lied hoping it will close this down.
"So you're lying now," dad remarked "Han was at church with his parents today, and for sure we called Minjee and she had no idea where you were." Mom added. "So tell us, where were you!?" Dad demanded, I stayed quiet for a little bit knowing I couldn't just reveal where I was and who I was with.
"I was with a friend, we went to grab coffee." I lied once again, "You're lying again," dad got up as he walked up to me, "you don't drink coffee Joon, so I rather you tell me the truth right now." He demanded, "I'm telling the truth father, I was with a friend." I repeated. "You are lying Joon and lying is a sin!" "DO YOU KNOW THAT YOUR SINNING RIGHT NOW!" Dad exclaimed,
Dad's voice echoed through the room, and the tension escalated. Mom sighed, clearly disappointed. "Joon, we raised you better than this. If you're in trouble, we need to know," she pleaded.
I hesitated, grappling with the truth and the consequences of revealing. "I... I was with a friend." I repeated again, I couldn't just tell them that I was over a guy's house who I like. Dad sighed in frustration and looked me dead in the eyes. "Is the friend the priest was talking about?" He asked, there's no way I was going to answer that question. I was not going to tell the truth and reveal the hurtful truth.
"ANSWER ME GOD DAMIT!" He shouted, "honey watch your words please." Mom pleaded softly grabbing onto dads arm.
I avoided eye contact with my parents. Dad's frustration hung in the air, and Mom attempted to diffuse the tension. "Joon, we just want to understand. If you're keeping something from us, it'll only make matters worse."
"But will you really understand, will you really understand my feelings?" "What," "So take the lie I gave you because, you wouldn't like to know the truth. Because if I can't understand my feelings sure definitely you guys won't!" I said trying to hold back the tears that were filling my eyes.
"Look here son, we don't need to understand or learn your feelings, you were born into this house to serve and honor the great lord in heaven." "Not to have wimpy cry outs like this, if you sinned that sin is on you for the rest of your life!" He stated, "See this is what I'm saying, all you care about is whether I sin or not."
Dad's face contorted with frustration, and he retorted, "Joon, it's not just about sin. It's about the principles we've instilled in you. We can't let you stray from the path of righteousness."
I could feel my anger rising, conflicting with the tears welling up in my eyes. "But what about understanding me as a person? What about my feelings?" I shot back, my voice shaking with emotion.
"Feelings don't matter when it comes to disobeying the Lord's teachings!" Dad's tone became stern, emphasizing the weight of his beliefs. Mom interjected, attempting to mediate, "Let's try to talk calmly and find a solution. Yelling won't help anyone."
"No, he needs to understand the severity of his actions!" Dad's frustration escalated, and I couldn't hold back anymore. "I'm not just a sinner, Dad. I'm a person with my own thoughts and emotions. I can't keep living by your rules without understanding who I am."
Mom's eyes pleaded with Dad to consider a different perspective, but he seemed resolute. "Your identity is in the Lord, not in worldly desires. We won't let you jeopardize your soul for fleeting emotions."
The argument spiraled, emotions flaring in the living room. I tried to articulate my feelings, but Dad's conviction seemed unyielding. Mom, caught in the crossfire, attempted to maintain peace, but the clash of beliefs intensified.
"Maybe it's time you learn some tough love, son. A bit of discipline will set you on the right path," Dad asserted, his disappointment turning into a rigid determination.
The tension hung thick in the air as the argument reached a boiling point. It wasn't just a clash of opinions; it was a collision of generational beliefs, and neither side seemed ready to yield. The room echoed with the unresolved echoes of a family divided by principles and emotions.
To be continued