Harry stood in the destroyed courtyard breathing heavily, feeling sore and exhausted from the amount of magic he had used, everywhere around him apart from the rubble were bodies. He did not know all the dead but he blamed himself for every one of them. He had just defeated Voldemort, defeated him once and he hoped for all because he believed that almost for sure he wouldn't be here to do it again. He stood motionless, recovering, as the adrenaline began to drain from his body, at first he felt a sharp burning sensation in the side of his stomach, and then the pain hit with such force that his breath caught in his throat.
"Damn" he hunched slightly cursing and then pressed his left hand to his side
When he pulled it away he saw that it was in blood, he must have injured himself with one of the pieces from the buildings he and Voldemort had smashed during their flight or one of the cutting curses thrown at him. Feeling very weak and with a slight limp on his right leg he moved towards the castle, in the entrance to the great hall Madam Pomfrey fell out on him.
"Follow me, my dear, you need medical care," she said pulling him by the hand toward one of the free seats
"I'm fine ma'am, I really need to talk to someone urgently, I'll be with you in a bit, I promise" Harry assured her, covering his injured side with his jacket to not let her see any of the blood on his shirt
the medi witch looked at him as if he was about to fall, he wasn't sure if it wasn't going to happen. only self-denial and adrenaline circulating in his veins kept him upright. he smiled slightly, not wanting to let on how weak he really felt. „Really just a few minutes and I'll be back" he didn't want to let on that he wasn't going to come back to her.
The nurse handed him a cup with unspecified liquid in it and looked at him warningly but said nothing, then headed in the opposite direction to help someone else. Harry walked through the great hall passing many people, including Mrs. Weasley along with Ginny, Cho, Professor Slughorn, Dean, and Seamus. Some smiled at him pleasantly and others on the contrary gave him menacing glances, he knew that he was not the only one who thought of himself as the cause, many agreed that all the deaths and all the destruction were due to his existence. He knew that part of Ron's family blamed him for Fred's death, and he blamed himself too. He hadn't spoken to them in a long time but he knew they thought so and he didn't hold it against them at all. He set his mug down on the nearest table and walked out the other side of the room on his way to catch up with Ron and Hermione, all three made their way to the bridge in silence. They stopped about halfway through, harry took in the sight, remembering what it looked like before the destruction that came after him, trying to remember as much as he could. Harry touched his pocket, remembering why he came here in the first place he pulled from his pocket the wand taken from Voldemort without even sparing glance at it.
"Is that... " Ron started but was interrupted by the crash of wood as Harry broke the wand
"You just..." again he didn't finish in too much shock as Harry wordlessly threw the remains of Voldemort's wand off the bridge
"It was an elder wand" Hermione asked as she pointed beyond the bridge
Harry just nodded and turned slowly towards the opposite side of the castle. He wanted to say goodbye to his friends but he didn't know if he had enough strength to do so, the safest option was to just leave. He was about to leave when his friend's voice stopped him
„Don't you want to say something?" said Ron
Harry tensed
„Not even a word" This time the boy put more anger into his words
Harry slowly turned toward his friends, but he didn't look at them, he didn't have the courage to do so. He didn't want to see the disgust in the eyes of the only people who might miss him
„You really are pathetic" What Ron was feeling could be picked up from his tone even without looking at him
„Ronald„ Hermione said in surprise, not expecting such words to come out of her boyfriend's mouth
„ Let him," said Harry in a barely audible voice, still not looking back at his friends
„Really, you will talk to her but not to me. Am I not enough to even talk to me?" his voice was getting louder with each word
„You know it's not like that" Harry had the impression that his voice was not coming from him at all, but from someone next to him
„Oh, Mr. Big Harry Potter, how poor I am, everyone wants to sacrifice themselves for me, you see nothing but yourself and you're surprised that anyone else noticed it. You bring only destruction, war, and death. not only you won't talk to me, you know who won't talk to me either. my brother who is dead because of you. you know who else is dead because of you Thonks, Remus their son will never know them. you really successfully get rid of people who care about you" exclaimed Ron and Hermione grabbed his arm to keep him in place.
„You can't even look me in the eye and say you're sorry" Ron blurted out, breaking free from Hermione's grip and quickly approaching Harry
Harry took a step back for fear that his friend might hit him. he quickly regretted it when he felt a strong sting in his side, he winced from the sudden pain. When he felt Ron's breath on his cold sweaty skin, he looked at him. Harry had never seen so much hatred and resentment on his friend's face, even toward Malfoy whom he considered his mortal enemy.
„I can't stand looking at you" Ron said and then started walking towards the castle, bumping Harry's shoulder along the way
Harry squeezes his eyes shut for a moment in pain. He opened them again, hearing Hermione's voice
"RON..." Hermione shouted after Ron but he didn't react. "I'm so sorry, Harry" Hermione whispered to Harry tilting her head slightly the way she did every time she felt guilty.
Harry just shook his head, unable to make a sound. He felt a burning sensation in his eyes, he didn't know if it was from tiredness, fever, sadness, or a little bit of everything, but his eyes were glazed over. And he had a feeling that if he spoke, tears would flow and he really didn't want that to happen, not in front of Hermione
Harry stood for a moment, calming down, before turning and watching his friends until they were out of sight. „Bye, I'll miss you" his words were so quiet the wind took them away
He really didn't want to argue with his best friends, not that he had the will or strength to do so. He didn't want to be remembered that way. He knew he hadn't been getting along very well with Ron lately, especially since the Horcrux hunt. He wanted to believe that Ron said it out of grief and anger, not because he actually meant it. It was enough that Harry believed so, he blamed himself for the death and destruction. He believed that if it weren't for him, they could have avoided much of what happened. Sometimes, when the world around him became too much, he thought he could hear the whispers of dead ones, and when he wasn't looking, he thought he could see the red on his hands out of the corner of his eye. The blood on his hands shed because of him. People who think that he wants anyone to sacrifice themselves for him are fools, if he could die for every person who dies because of him he would do it again and again and again the world would be better without him.
Harry stood on the bridge for a moment and stared at the remains of the castle a little longer, it really was his fault. At that moment he felt so weak that if the wind had blown harder he could have been knocked over, he felt his blood-wet blouse sticking to his side and the wound continued to bleed. At the thought of what he was about to do now his insides were twisting in every direction and it wasn't because of the injury, he breathed deeply regretting it after a moment because of the pain. He pulls a small tattered pocket watch out of his pocket and runs his finger over it rubbing off the dust until he sees his reflection in its glass. His face was all dirty, small trickles of blood were dripping from his forehead and nose, his watch didn't even work but that wasn't its function. This particular watch was his plan, it was Portkey, one of Ron's brothers, Bill, even before the war helped him find his family and create the Portkey. The Cullens had moved from Oregon to Washington, he didn't know if it was because people would already start asking questions about age or because of him, he didn't want to live in a place with so many memories either, just as it had been hard for him to stay at Grimmauld Place after Sirius died so it must have been hard for them to stay in the house where Harry, who they hated, lived. During the battle, all the barriers had been broken down so that even from the Hogwarts it was possible to use the Portkey which made things easier as Harry wasn't sure how far he could get in his current state. He took one last look at the castle and said the password closing his eyes.
„Home" the word echoed when the boy or rather the man disappeared.
-I—I—I-
Harry appeared at the edge of the forest, he fell to his knees leaning towards the ground as the vomit reflex shook his body. He didn't even have anything to throw up because he hadn't put anything in his mouth for at least the last two days and barely drank anything, he caught himself again with his now horrible burning side, the bleeding was getting worse. In hindsight, he had no idea how he managed to find so much courage, but with his remaining strength he got up on both legs and did something very stupid, he cast a seemingly simple camouflage spell to cover his injuries. Harry's wand was broken, he thought about repairing it with an older wand but decided that it wouldn't be useful to him anyway. He lost Malfoy's wand right after the fight and the older wand ended up in pieces in the lake. the only way he could cast the spell was without using one, which would be quite exhausting under normal circumstances but with the level of magic he had left after the battle it was extremely taxing on his body. The spell didn't have to last long, just goodbye. He wobbled slightly but tried to continue standing firmly on the ground, when he managed to calm himself he looked around in search of a home. He found it on the other side of the clearing which started just beyond the tree line beside him and he calmly walked towards it. The house resembled their previous house, although it seemed bigger and even more glassed in, there was only one car in front of it, Harry hoped he would find someone at home. the weather was unusually nice for this part of the country, the sun shining through the crowns of nearby trees slightly warmed his cold body
When he got to the door, the emotions hit, he felt fear, excitement, anger, and sadness. Everything was stirring for him. He involuntarily held his breath and with a trembling hand knocked, „It's now or never," he thought. For the next almost a minute nothing happened and just when Harry was beginning to think no one was inside the door opened and in it stood Rosalie, as beautiful as always. When she saw Harry her eyes widened then she slammed the door through his nose, the boy let out a held breath and knocked again but the girl didn't open it again. A minute passed, three and then five, he couldn't afford to stand there much longer. He gathered his courage and knocked again, but no one opened.
"Rosalie, I know you can hear me," he said softly after knocking but there was only silence from the other side "Listen... I just wanted to…" he couldn't finish the sentence. He took a deep breath and started again „Anyway, I won't bother you. I'm going, I just wanted to say goodbye because I never had the chance and thank you for everything. I love you"
Just as he was about to turn away the door opened and the girl in it looked intensely annoyed.
"Let it go, I know that's not why you came here, life got complicated and suddenly we're not so monsters, you show up as if nothing ever happened" The vampire was about to explode
"I'm sorry, but I really don't know what I did wro…" Rosalie interrupted him
"You don't know. You don't know. I think you know exactly what you wrote in that letter, since then Esme spends every Christmas crying for that little mortal child they took in and who paid them back so well" Harry had never seen her show emotion so strongly
Harry knew that vampires could cry without tears because their bodies couldn't produce them, but he had never seen one of them do it. He was really confused, he didn't know what he could have brought the woman he thought was his mother to this state. After all, from the moment he received the letter from them which made it clear to him that they wanted nothing to do with him he had not written to them, and as for the earlier letters, there was nothing offensive in them.
„I'm sorry, I really don't know" he whispered to himself and it was quite possible that if it wasn't for his improved hearing, the girl wouldn't catch his answer at all
"You really should have the decency to at least admit your mistakes and not come here and hope that everyone will suddenly forgive you just because you showed up again" Harry didn't know if her voice was dominated by anger or sadness at that exact moment
"It's not..."
"I thought we all raised you better, that if you wanted to point out to us how much you hated us you would at least do it in person, that you would at least have the courage to look me in the eye and say the same thing. I wonder why you suddenly changed your mind about us so drastically" she said when the rest of the anger disappeared from her voice and only sadness and disappointment remained
The boy could not make out a single word, he felt a pain in his whole body, it was not a pain caused by the wounds received during the fight. It was a dull pain rippling like the ocean inside the empty shell that was left behind after all this time, he felt it from his fingertips all the way down to the inside of his bones. His family hated him, for real. She hated him and he didn't even know what for. It took a few seconds before the pain allowed him to even breathe, let alone move. He felt something inside him crack, really deep, and there was nothing left. He raised his head and for the first time since he had seen her, he dared to look her straight in the eye, into those beautiful golden eyes, and for the first time in a very, very long time he smiled. It wasn't the smile he had grown accustomed to from Rosalie all those years when he was happily growing up in a home full of love, no. In no way did he resemble the happy child he had been not so long ago, only a few years, time would pass like a blink of an eye, like a single breath from an immortal being. It was a sad smile, of a broken man. He could not reach his eyes which a tear rolled, but he did not want to show such weakness. Blinking harder he kept them from falling.
"Goodbye Rosalie" he said warmly "Tell others that I will really miss them and apologize to them from me, I don't expect them to forgive me for whatever I did. I'm just going to miss you so damn much and I want you all to know that" With the last word he couldn't stand the tension and a single, solitary tear ran slowly down his cheek but the smile didn't leave his face
Rosalie didn't say a word in response, the only reaction on her part was that she no longer looked at him, her gaze carefully avoiding his person. Harry let the one tear flow freely, he didn't wipe it away, when it dripped to the ground he gently turned and started to walk away. Rosalie was still standing in the doorway, he knew it, he could feel her burning gaze on his back. He managed to walk a few steps away when he felt extremely weak, something so immaterial burst chasing his soul somewhere deep inside him. Even weaker than before, he felt the spell surrounding him so far fall away revealing his true condition. He wiped the cold sweat from his forehead with his hand when he looked at himself and saw blood, really a lot of blood, his side was not well. He had taken about two more steps when the world before him swirled. With another step instead of forward he will move to the side when the directions start to mix up
"No, not now, not yet" he whispered to himself. First, he had to leave, only then could he fall apart
„Harry" A voice said behind him
The spell should last at least until it's gone in front of the house, at least that's what he thought. The second wave of dizziness was even worse, he swayed so much to one side that he ended up on his knees. He tried to get carried away but it didn't go too well, the next thing he knew he was lying on his back, on the hard ground, and the world was spinning so much it was like he was lying on a carousel. The only thing he could see between the black spots were piercing blue flashes of sky. And the sky today was exceptionally beautiful.
"Harry"
He it something again, but he didn't quite know from which direction, something as if someone had called him, but who could it be, after all here it was only him and the blue sky. extremely bright sky with clouds of different shapes.
"Harry" Rosalie shouted to the boy lying on the ground near her
His unfocused vision, unable to focus in one place, ran chaotically. Harry was covered in dirt sweat and blood, a really a lot of blood.
"Harry can you hear me" she asked but she got no answer, he continued to wander with his eyes among the clouds. Harry heard someone speaking but he couldn't understand the words, his head was full of different thoughts that he couldn't put together.
Apart from a few minor wounds on his face and an old dried mark from a nosebleed, she saw no other wounds but there was more and more blood until it began to pool around him slowly starting to form puddles. Searching for the site of the hemorrhage, Rosalie pulled Harry's jacket away from his stomach to see that his shirt, apart from traces of old blood, was all soaked with new and still warm blood. She lifted it gently up and away from his body until she saw the deep wound in his side
"Oh, Harry" she gasped
A moment ago, he was standing talking to her, he was fine, and suddenly he fell as if struck by lightning. All battered up, her poor little brother
"Carlisle" she called loudly to the doctor working in his office in the depths of the house. she knew he would hear her, but she felt the human need to shout it as loud as she could to make sure he did it
She knew that something was very wrong and it wasn't just this huge wound, it was his blood, which neither of them had ever been able to smell before but now she had no problem with smelling it and it scared her
"Carlisle, hurry up"
Harry lay watching the sky, the world fell silent and only he remained. The pain starts to subside, the only better thing would be if he could see the stars in the sky, harry really loved the stars. Although maybe thanks to the sun falling on his face he would finally be able to warm up, but the cold slowly stopped bothering him. Only he and the sky remained. And the sky looked exceptionally beautiful today