"An ex-girlfriend?" muttered Tsukuyo, leaning against the doorframe of Kawaki's room with disdain.
"Of course not..." Kawaki waved his hand dismissively, without even turning around, as he focused his attention on the game before him. "Though now that you mention women, I do feel like I've forgotten something insignificant… What was it again?"
"Alimony?" Tsukuyo shot Kawaki a cold glare.
"There's no way I'd have a woman like that," Kawaki replied calmly, with a slight smirk. "If anything, I'd be the one hoping to get alimony."
"You're such a scumbag…"
...
The next day, in the afternoon.
In front of Takamagahara in Kabukicho, Gintoki, dressed sharply in a white Western-style suit with a blue shirt underneath, was giving a pep talk to Kagura and Shinpachi, who were also neatly dressed. He occasionally used his odd, rolling pronunciation.
"Listen up! We're going to recruit some dashing Saint Seiya to go up against that lady!" Gintoki exclaimed, dramatically spinning on one foot before pointing a finger to the sky. "Are you ready?! Just do it!"
"Shining, shining, shining~" Kagura and Shinpachi joined in, waving their little hands as backup dancers.
"Alright, OK~!" Shinpachi, looking severe, spread his arms and shook his shoulders like a wave. "I'm willing to stake my life on this!"
"Whoo~ Whoo~" Gintoki and Kagura cheered him on from behind this time.
"Piece of cake, whoo~" Kagura's over-the-top performance was on par with the others.
"So cool, so cool!" Gintoki and Shinpachi clapped in unison.
After this utterly pointless skit, Gintoki finally said, "The minimum recruitment standard is a Bronze Saint, and the highest is a Silver Saint."
"Excuse me!" Kagura raised her hand and added a playful "Whoo~" at the end, "I don't really understand these standards, whoo~"
"To put it simply, anyone worse than Koji Hashizume gets disqualified," Gintoki explained slowly, "And if someone is more handsome than Makoto Fujita, they'll be too intimidating for our clients, so they're out too."
"That disqualifies almost all of humanity!" Shinpachi couldn't help but shout. "What's the difference between Bronze and Silver Saints anyway?!"
"In other words, even if you get confused, don't bring in Gold Saints like Masaharu Fukuyama or Shun Oguri. Not only would they outshine us, but their small faces would also make our clients feel pressured."
"You never intended to recruit handsome guys at all!" Shinpachi shouted, spitting in frustration. "Seriously, are you sure about this? Can we really rely on ordinary characters like that? Even KOU, who is like an Original Diamond Saint in terms of looks, can't handle it! Are we really going to be okay with just ordinary people?"
"Maybe they look like that on the outside~" Gintoki shrugged nonchalantly. "But that idiot only has a good face; inside, he's just scrap metal… no, plastic… no, a cardboard box Saint at best! He probably said something weird that upset the lady! But I'm not like him! My looks and body may only be Diamond Saint level, but inside… I'm Moon Soil Saint level!"
"Uh… that's technically worth a lot more than diamonds," Shinpachi muttered, "But isn't the Moon mostly covered in craters? Your insides aren't that great either. And no one ever recognized you as an Original Diamond Saint."
"But…" Gintoki sneered dismissively, "It's as tough as a diamond~."
"Shut up!!" Shinpachi and Kagura shouted in unison, kicking Gintoki several meters away.
As they watched Gintoki sprawled on the ground, Shinpachi, veins popping, shouted angrily, "Why don't you just stop already?! Why do you always pick up Kawaki-san's bad habits, like making inappropriate jokes?!"
"No… I was just trying to get into the mindset…" Gintoki struggled to stand up, "By putting myself in that idiot's shoes and thinking like him, I might figure out what he said to upset the lady and find a way to fix it!"
"It's your brain that needs fixing!"
"But Gin-san does have a point, aru," Kagura nodded thoughtfully, arms crossed. "Uncle Kawaki is definitely the type to say something rude."
"It might not have been something he said; maybe he did something outrageous," Gintoki added, leaning in conspiratorially. "He's never had much sense when it comes to women…"
"I feel like you're just bad-mouthing Kawaki-san while he's not here…" Shinpachi muttered, adjusting his glasses.
"Alright! Enough chatter! Go search for our new recruits as I instructed!" Gintoki commanded.
At this point, Kyourou, who had been watching them from behind, couldn't hold back any longer. He twitched with drooping eyelids and a face covered in black lines and spoke up hesitantly, "Um… sorry, Odd Jobs-san. While I appreciate your help, being a host isn't that simple. Looks are just the first step; the real challenge is using your personality to win over the clients…"
Gintoki turned around and replied, "I get it. You're saying I'm just a shallow guy with a flashy exterior, right? Flashy exterior!"
"No, I didn't say that, and I didn't comment on your appearance."
"So you're saying that rather than a guy with just looks, someone with a less flashy exterior but a rich inner life is better?"
"I… I guess so." Kyourou nodded.
"Don't worry," Gintoki waved it off with a grin. "I understand, and so do they. You know how many women I've dealt with, who were ready to die or even storm into my house, all because of that idiot? Don't worry, I've got experience."
"No, I don't fully understand, but this situation seems very different from what you're talking about…"
Before Kyourou could finish, Hasegawa's voice interrupted.
"Gin-san, I heard you were offering a job, so I came over."
They all turned to see Hasegawa standing next to Kagura, dressed in a makeshift suit made from old cardboard boxes and duct tape. Seeing this, Kyourou nearly lost it.
"This is far too flimsy! And isn't that made of cardboard?!" Kyourou's eyes widened, his face twitching uncontrollably. "Hey, wait a minute, isn't that a Cardboard Saint?!"
"No, it's not cardboard," Hasegawa looked down at his cardboard suit. "You know those trendy T-shirts with foreign newspaper prints or collage designs? This is the suit version of that."
"No, that's definitely not it," Kyourou muttered, his face twitching. He then noticed the "necklace" Hasegawa was wearing, "Is that necklace made from someone's Tanabata wish strips?"
"Sorry about this, Manager," Hasegawa scratched the back of his head with an awkward smile. Then, placing one hand on his hip, he continued, "I know wearing this to an interview is a bit nerve-wracking, but I thought it had a bit of a host vibe."
"Hey, what exactly do you think hosting is?" Kyourou asked, feeling drained.
At this point, Gintoki stepped forward, throwing an arm around Hasegawa's shoulders. He raised an eyebrow and said, "He might look a bit flashy, but he's got a serious side too. He's like a J League player, so please take care of him!"
Kyourou, now thoroughly drained, couldn't even muster the energy to respond.
"You see," Gintoki flipped Hasegawa around and pointed to the "Aomori Apples" logo on his back, "He even has the sponsor's logo on his back. And he's wearing a wish string around his neck…"
"Wants to marry Rosa after getting her pregnant~" Hasegawa and Gintoki smiled with a somewhat… creepy expression, saying it in unison.
"Um, Odd Jobs-san…" Kyourou's face was now covered in black lines, and half of it was twitching uncontrollably. He hesitated, "Even though we're in the service industry, could we possibly find someone a bit more…"
"Don't worry about it," Gintoki waved it off, chuckling. "I know a really skilled guy who's great at closing deals. He's not your typical pretty boy…"
Just as Gintoki was about to finish, Kyourou, who had noticed the impending disaster behind Gintoki, grew increasingly alarmed, instinctively covering his face and taking a few steps back.
Unaware of the looming danger behind him, Gintoki continued calmly, "But he's more of a muscular type… Gwah!"
!! "Who are you calling a muscular pretty boy?!" Ayame, dressed in blue miner's overalls, her face contorted in anger, swung her shovel down hard on Gintoki's head.
"Sis…" Seeing this, Shinpachi rushed over, trying to say something.
But before he could say more than "Sis…", Ayame, still fuming, grabbed him by the neck with one hand and lifted him off the ground.
"Shin-chan, what's going on?" Ayame, veins bulging on her face, growled through clenched teeth, "I came prepared because I heard you found Hideyoshi's hidden treasure."
"N-No, Sis," Shinpachi quickly explained despite being held in the air. "It's not treasure, but it's a chance to make a lot of money. So please, bear with it for now."
"Don't joke with me!!" Ayame roared again, "Why do I have to work in a host club dressed like this?!"