Am I... going to be a killer?
I collapsed weakly before the body of the young Elvian, lying helplessly. The signs of life before my eyes were fading, his breath growing weaker. It was only a matter of time before he would lose his life.
But was this right?
Is killing someone the right thing to do in this moment?
At first, I had only intended to incapacitate him. I never imagined that the arrow I loosed would bring him to the brink of death. What now? I didn't want to see someone die before my eyes because of my own actions. The thought of the grief his Elvian family would suffer twisted my chest in pain.
I knew I couldn't afford to be naive. There would certainly be times in this long journey when I would have to take another's life. But not so soon. For now, I wasn't prepared to bear the responsibility and guilt of killing someone.
Deep down, I wished for the young Elvian to live. If only I could—
"... –ggi. Anggi!!!" Suddenly, Dimas's voice echoed in my ears. It seemed to emerge from the silence like a bolt from the blue.
"Eh, w-what?" I stammered, trying to focus on Dimas's expression.
"Move aside, so Shella can help him!"
When I looked ahead, Shella was already there. She was sitting opposite me, supporting the young Elvian's head with her hands. She was trying to feed him something unknown to me. I struggled to understand the situation, but I was at a loss. Just moments before, Shella had been hiding behind the tree roots to avoid the fight, but now she was sitting beside the Elvian.
Suddenly, a powerful force tugged at my arm, compelling me to stand and follow its pull. I glanced at Dimas, whose face now displayed his irritation openly.
"I've called out to you several times, but you didn't hear me," Dimas said, trying to explain the situation I had missed. "I was going to drag you away, but you seemed so shaken. I thought you didn't want this person to die. So, I called Shella to help him. Let's hope he doesn't turn that spear on us after we gave him a second chance to live!" he grumbled.
Upon hearing Dimas's explanation, my chest relaxed. My anxiety vanished as soon as I realized that the young Elvian's life could still be saved. Perhaps I felt relieved because I was freed from the burden of killing someone. If I had let him die, guilt would likely haunt me for the rest of my life. His pale, sorrowful face would surely appear in my dreams.
To live constantly haunted by your first victim is not an easy life. If there had been any other choice, I would have taken it to avoid such a fate.
I cast my gaze toward Shella, who was tending to the Elvian. With skill, she applied a crushed herbal leaf mixture to the wound on the Elvian's chest. Perhaps it was a pain reliever. Then, she retrieved a scalpel from her large bag and prepared to make a larger incision to extract the arrow that was lodged in him.
At once, I turned my face away, turning my back and walking forward. I sat down, kneeling behind the tall tree root, so I wouldn't have to watch the process that filled me with sorrow. Dimas followed me, sitting beside me without a word, keeping me company in silence.
"Hey, was I wrong to save an enemy?" I asked softly, trying to break the silence between us.
"I don't know," he replied flatly, gazing up at the sky. "It seems like there's no right or wrong in this world. Just do whatever you want."
"I'm still not ready to bear the weight of what comes with killing someone."
"I understand. I get how you feel," Dimas answered, his voice warm. "That's just how gentle you are."
I didn't respond to him. I just remained silent, my gaze cast downward. Silence settled between us, no words exchanged. I glanced sideways, observing Dimas, who wore no expression at all. I wondered what he was thinking. Curious about what was on his mind, I started the conversation.
"How did you feel fighting that Elvian?"
"I didn't feel anything," he replied briefly, not meeting my gaze, though I kept watching him, intrigued by what kind of expression he might make.
"Weren't you afraid of killing your opponent?"
"What I fear most is one of us three getting hurt or dying."
"Have you ever killed someone before, Dimas?"
"Of course not," he said with a wry smile. "Sorry, I'm a little wicked. Rather than you or Shella, I'd prefer someone else to die. It's as simple as that reason for why I fight."
So, that's it?
I began to understand a little of how Dimas felt. In a fight, logically, people would choose to kill their opponent rather than die themselves. It's a basic instinct for self-preservation.
But for some reason, that's difficult for me to do. I couldn't bring myself to kill that young Elvian. If we counted his age in human years, he might be two or three years younger than me. The wildest thought of mine couldn't imagine myself taking the life of someone who was nearly my age.
Moreover, if you look at it from a different perspective, that Elvian might have attacked us because he saw us as a threat to the city he lived in. I, Dimas, and Shella, being human, had crossed far past the boundary between humans and Elvians. It was only natural for the young Elvian to feel threatened by our presence. Perhaps I would have acted the same if I were in his position. And then—
Suddenly, I snapped out of my thoughts, lowering my head and giving a bitter smile. What I had just said was truly nonsense. I wasn't sure I could have done the same as that Elvian. Honestly, I already knew the reason I couldn't kill someone, but I kept denying it.
I... didn't want to see others hurt.
I couldn't bear seeing others suffer, especially because of my actions. Maybe Dimas was right—I was too soft. I couldn't be someone with the strong resolve like him, willing to do anything for the safety of Shella and me.
That thought made me uneasy. Because if I continued with this trait, it would only make things harder on this journey. There would come a time when I would have to face people who would stand in my way. They certainly wouldn't be the kind of people to surrender when asked.
This journey wasn't a children's adventure film filled with joy and ease. This was reality. There would always be something that had to be sacrificed to reach the goal. And to achieve that goal, I needed strong resolve and to rid myself of my weakness. I bowed my head, regretting the reality that I was still so weak.
I hoped... I could summon that courage at the right time.
Exhausted from everything that had just happened, sleep and fatigue overtook me. I leaned my head against the giant tree root and closed my eyes for a brief moment, hoping that this unease would fade with time.
When I opened my eyes again, I found myself gazing up at a cluster of stars scattered across the night sky. Rubiel shone brightly, accompanied by colorful cosmic dust, making the sky a sight of breathtaking beauty.
For the umpteenth time, I never grew tired of staring at the night sky in this world.
I blinked, trying to clear my vision and look around. It was then that I realized I was sleeping on Dimas's lap. I immediately sat up. Feeling the weight shift, Dimas also woke.
"W-Why was I sleeping on your lap?" I stammered, unable to hide my surprise.
"You fell asleep with your body hunched over. So, I laid you down on my lap," he said with a neutral expression, then yawned.
"You didn't do anything weird while I was sleeping, did you?"
"Of course not! How dare you accuse me! I was just being nice, not letting you sleep in a painful position!" he snapped, raising his voice.
"I'm sorry. Forget what I just said," I quickly replied, turning my face away.
When I realized I had been sleeping on Dimas's lap, for some reason, my face felt hot. I didn't want him to know, even though the only light here came from the dim glow of Rubiel. My heart beat faster. I tried to convince myself that Dimas couldn't clearly see my expression in this darkness.
It was then that I heard Shella's scream from behind the giant bonsai tree roots. Dimas immediately stood and climbed the tree root, and I followed him. My thoughts were in a frenzy. I feared that the young Elvian had woken up and was trying to harm Shella.
After leaping over the giant root, my worries were dispelled. The young Elvian had indeed awakened. But his condition was not one that could harm or capture Shella. He looked to be struggling to rise. Bloodstains clung to his old wound, despite the layers of bandages wrapped around it.
"You shouldn't have gotten up yet!" Shella shouted sharply. Nevertheless, she helped the young Elvian rise and leaned him against a tree root.
The Elvian narrowed his eyes at Shella, then glanced at Dimas and me. Hatred still lingered on his face, despite having just survived his critical moment.
"What are you doing in our forest, Humans?" he hissed sharply in Elvian. Both of my companions looked confused, relying on me to communicate with him.
"Sorry if our presence bothers you. We need to find something in this city," I replied in Elvian. "I also apologize for shooting you with an arrow. I had no choice."
The Elvian processed my words carefully before letting out a long sigh. "We're even. You've given me a chance to live. I thought I was going to die." Then his eyes fixed on me, from my hair to my feet. For a moment, he seemed perplexed when he noticed my ears. "What exactly are you? Your ears are long, but your skin and hair are nothing like an Elvian. Oddly enough, you can also speak our language."
"It's a long story. The most important thing is, how are you feeling now?" I asked, kneeling beside him.
Once again, he stared at me in confusion. "You're really strange, aren't you? You could have let me die. Why bother saving your enemy's life?"
I fell silent for a moment upon hearing his question. It was funny—what he asked was exactly what I had been thinking all along.
"I don't want to see others hurt, especially because of my actions," I answered quietly.
The young Elvian looked at me and paused, then slowly shook his head. "You must know this will cause you trouble in the future."
"I already know."
He sighed deeply, then cast his gaze around before looking up at the sky. "By the way, how long has it been since the sun set?"
"I don't know. Maybe about an hour."
"It's bad! We have to leave here immediately!" he cried out in panic. Ignoring his own condition, the young Elvian struggled to get up, though he was clearly struggling. Shella quickly helped him to his feet.
"Why? What's going on?" I asked, curious.
"Tonight is the New Rubiel. The later it gets, the more the water will flood through the forest!" he shouted.